American Dad Episode Guide

American Dad Episode Guide /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl? http://www.eblah.com en American Dad Season Five Episode Guide 2009 - 2010 /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1251462996/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1251462996/#num1 American Dad Season Five Episode Guide 2009 - 2010

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27 Sep 09 In Country... Club

Stan teaches Steve that the only way he can truly appreciate the national anthem is by participating in a war re-enactment, but the experience leaves Steve looking and acting like a traumatized Vietnam veteran. Meanwhile, Roger gets a pet bird and badgers Stan into giving him a cable code so he can watch a pay-per-view special.
04 Oct 09 Moon Over Isla Island

In order to get a promotion at work, Stan has to convince the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty. Stan meets the general and accidentally kills him and has Roger pose as the leader of the small island nation. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot become competitive to see who can get farther with the other’s mom.
11 Oct 09 Home Adrone

Steve is left home alone when the family takes a trip to look at a potential college for Hayley. When his friends arrive and realize he has the run of the house, they persuade Steve to break the rules. They’re soon in over their heads when they discover that what they thought was a video game is actually a military controlled drone. As they attempt to cover their tracks, Roger has a meltdown that keeps the family from making their trip. Stan returns to find that Steve has betrayed his trust and thrust them into a high-level security situation.
18 Oct 09 Brains, Brains, and Automobiles

When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan. There’s only one problem: Roger is still living in the attic fighting for every second of attention he can get. When Francine teaches Roger to be self-sufficient, he finally gets a place of his own.
08 Nov 09 Man in the Moonbounce

Steve must become the "man of the house" when Stan relives his childhood.
15 Nov 09 Shallow Vows

Stan and Francine are set to renew their wedding vows until Stan reveals he only married Francine for her looks. Furious with Stan, Francine "lets herself go" to see if Stan actually loves the woman he's been married to for 20 years. Meanwhile, Steve and Hayley search for the perfect wedding gift.
22 Nov 09 My Morning Straitjacket

When Hayley goes to a My Morning Jacket concert against Stan's wishes, he crashes the show to bring her back home, but when he hears their music for the first time, it calls to him and he's smitten. Stan becomes obsessed with the band and decides to follow them on the road as a groupie.
29 Nov 09 G-String Circus

Upset that Hayley no longer wants his advice, Stan decides to prove that she is missing out on his sage counseling. After meeting a stripper on an important CIA mission, Stan takes it upon himself to improve her life and show Hayley that his advice works. But when he opens a new business, hoping to prove Hayley wrong, he finds himself dancing for cash to cover up his failures.
13 Dec 09 Rapture's Delight

When the Smith family goes to church on Christmas Day, Stan is furious when he can't get a good seat. While Francine tries to ease his frustration, a moment of divine intervention occurs. Upset that he has been left on earth with Francine during the ultimate fight between good and evil, Stan ditches his wife to get into the pearly gates of heaven, but when Francine is kidnapped, Stan fights to get her back.
03 Jan 10 Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth

When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
31 Jan 10 A Jones for a Smith

Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of hear.

]]> Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:36:36 tvcentralgavin American Dad Season Four Episode Guide 2008 - 2009 /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1219571117/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1219571117/#num1 American Dad Season Four Episode Guide 2008 - 2009

28 Sep 08 1600 Candles

The Smith family gets ready to celebrate Roger's big 1-6-double-0 but are sidetracked by Steve's horrifying announcement that he's going through puberty! With the wounds still fresh from Hayley going through "the change" in their minds, Stan and Francine use experimental medicine to try and bypass the growing pains of having another teenager with raging hormones. Meanwhile, Roger gets the shaft from the family and tries to make his own birthday fun.
05 Oct 08 The One That Got Away

When Roger discovers that someone has maxed out his credit card, he is certain it is identify theft and is determined to bring down the crook. After playing "Matlock" for a few days and dishing out some street justice, he realizes things are not quite right and seem all too familiar. Meanwhile, the rest of the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon.
19 Oct 08 One Little Word

When Stan becomes his boss' go-to guy, he feels like he can't say no to anything including outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets roped into the annoying ordeal and her romantic Valentine's Day get-away is ruined, she lays down the law and forces Stan to say "NO".
02 Nov 08 Choosey Wives Choose Smith

Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed. Little does she know that her lost love is still alive, but Stan and Roger track him down, Francine is forced to decide between the two men.
09 Nov 08 Escape From Pearl Bailey

Steve plots to get revenge against the popular girls at school who torment losers... like his girlfriend Debbie (guest-voiced by Lizzy Caplan).
16 Nov 08 Pulling Double Booty

Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend and ends up in the arms of Stan's body double from the CIA, but things get really bizarre when the body double starts hitting on Francine.
30 Nov 08 Phantom Telethon

When the CIA's budget gets cut, Roger suggests that Stan hold a telethon to raise funds. When Stan takes credit for the brilliant idea, Roger does everything in his power to sabotage it.
25 Jan 09 Chimdale

When Steve finds out he has scoliosis and has to wear a back brace, he becomes the laughingstock of the school, but feels better when Stan admits to wearing a toupee since he was Steve's age. Meanwhile, Roger takes Francine to a weeklong spa retreat for two, but they run into problems when they try to sneak in an unpaid guest.
08 Feb 09 Stan Time

Stan is exhausted every night and doesn't have any time for himself. When his co-worker Dick (voiced by Koechner) gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night, but feel like he slept a full eight hours Stan is ecstatic! The pills give Stan an extra dose of energy, but he ultimately discovers that instead of spending his newfound time on hobbies, he'd rather spend more time with his wife.
15 Feb 09 Family Affair

When the Smiths try to plan a family game night, Roger is full of excuses about prior commitments. However, when he is caught in a lie, the Smiths feel stabbed in the back when they realize Roger has been cheating on them with other families. Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve go on the offensive to teach Roger a lesson about monogamy until Roger has a breakthrough about why he isn't a one family kind-of-guy.
01 Mar 09 Live and Let Fry

When Langley Falls implements a ban on trans fats, Stan finds himself legally separated from his favorite foods. He sets a poor example for the rest of the family when he blatantly disregards the law by crossing county lines and using Steve as a trans-fatty food mule to satisfy his own gluttonous desires.
08 Mar 09 Roy Rogers McFreely

When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to Stan's heart – the Homeowner's Association. When Roy Rogers McFreely is appointed chairman of the association and starts to abuse his power, Stan, Hayley and Steve lead the opposition to preserve the small town's "American" values and take the community back from "the man".
15 Mar 09 Jack's Back

Steve signs Stan up for a father-son bike tournament, but the plan veers off-track when Stan admits that his father never taught him how to ride a bike. Determined to make things better, Steve helps reconcile Stan with his convict father. Meanwhile, Hayley needs internship credit for school, so Roger hires her to bartend at his makeshift bar in the attic.
22 Mar 09 Bar Mitzvah Shuffle

Steve and the gang sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah (voiced by Seth Green) after he hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie (voiced by Lizzy Caplan). But when Snot gets wrongly accused of stealing the kids bar mitzvah money, he must answer to the Rabbi and his own celebration is in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch a cell phone idea to Verizon, but the plan gets fuzzy when they can't deliver the goods.
29 Mar 09 Wife Insurance

When Stan gets kidnapped in Colombia, Francine fears he's gone for good. Stan finally reappears unharmed, but the real trouble erupts in the Smith household when he admits that he has a plan to marry his dentist if Francine dies before him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman".
19 Apr 09 Delorean Story-An

Stan is excited about finally building his dream car: a DeLorean. Francine encourages him to include Steve, so the two take a road trip in search of doors for the sports car. The trip veers off-track when there is a mad dash across the country to get the last set of doors available.
26 Apr 09 Every Which Way But Lose

Steve joins a junior football team to make Stan proud. However, when a hyper-competitive Stan assumes the position of head coach, Steve gets kicked off the team for not being good enough. Out for revenge, Steve and Roger recruit a new team of misfits who threaten Stan's perfect season. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete for a blue ribbon at the Langley County Fair.
03 May 09 Weiner of Our Discontent

Roger has been behaving like a selfish brat for years, and Stan has had enough! When he calls Roger out, he declares that he has in fact been sent to earth as "the decider" to determine the fate of man kind. Stupefied by his outlandish statement, Stan challenges Roger to prove it and when they discover the truth about his real purpose for being on Earth, Roger is crushed and Stan is tickled pink to have finally won one. Roger struggles to get a grip on reality until a fateful crate of hotdogs takes center stage at Steve's hot-dog eating contest and Roger gets to decide who lives and who dies.
10 May 09 Daddy Queerest

Neighbors Terry and Greg are nervous when Terry's father, football great Tank Bates, announces that he will be coming to town for a visit. Terry is worried because his dad doesn't know he's gay, has a baby or lives with his partner. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender and learns the meaning of "beer goggles".
17 May 09 Stan's Night Out

Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.

]]> Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:45:17 tvcentralgavin AD Season Three Episode Guide /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1189754856/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1189754856/#num1 American Dad Season Three Episode Guide 2007 - 2008

30 Sep 07 The Vacation Goo

When Francine discovers that all their family vacations have been artificial memories created by CIA so that Stan could ditch the family, she is fuming and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it is also the work of the CIA and causes the family has to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger makes a desperate effort to be the greatest actor who ever lived.
07 Oct 07 Meter Made

In order to be taken more seriously and to be a "somebody," Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants (threatening to ticket and tow), pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington (Whitaker) from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay. Meanwhile, Haley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
14 Oct 07 Dope & Faith

Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but Brett (Jay Thomas) turns out to be an atheist. So, Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to "Hogwarts"
04 Nov 07 Big Trouble in Little Langley

Francine's Chinese, adoptive parents drop in. Stan can't stand them and tries to find Francine's real parents. When it becomes obvious they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle, Stan makes a detour and never introduces them to Francine. He has a new found appreciation of his in-laws.
11 Nov 07 Haylias

When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA. Feeling desperate, Stan activates her trigger word and gains control over Hayley against the advice of his boss, Bullock (guest voice, Patrick Stewart). Everything is going fine until Stan remembers that if he doesn’t change Hayley back to normal, there will be deadly consequences for him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger become private Dick Tracys.
18 Nov 07 The 42-Year-Old Virgin

At a poker game with the guys, Stan reveals that he has never actually killed anyone. It seems that every kill in Stan’s history with the CIA has been the result of fortunate timing. Roger and the guys become determined to get Stan his first kill.
02 Dec 07 Surro-Gate

When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan’s Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska border, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
16 Dec 07 The Most Adequate Christmas Ever
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction. He demands a grander Christmas starting with the search of a bigger and better tree in the forest. When his family has had enough, Stan powers on by himself, finds the perfect tree and meets an untimely end. While in Limbo, he has to fight for a second chance at life and battle the forces of good and evil to save his family.
06 Jan 08 Frannie 911

Francine comes up with an elaborate plan to reunite Stan and Roger after a big fight. She fakes Roger's kidnapping in the hopes of showing Roger that Stan still cares about him, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people. After all it wouldn’t kill him to be nice to people…or would it?
13 Jan 08 Tearjerker

In this James Bond parody, Stan plays a 007-type secret agent sent to stop the diabolical Tearjerker (played by Roger) from fulfilling his master plan to create a movie so sad that it causes anyone who watches it to cry themselves to death.
27 Jan 08 Oedipal Panties

When Stan’s mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan’s umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick on the "Oedipal Panties"
17 Feb 08 Widowmaker

Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
27 Apr 08 Red October Sky
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, but he’s shocked to find the man is his new next door neighbor. When Sergei starts helping Steve build a rocket for class, Stan realizes the boy has turned into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for smuggling drugs back into the U.S.
04 May 08 Office Spaceman
Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan’s boss. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
11 May 08 Stanny Slickers 2: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
Officially declared dead after an accident with a pudding truck, Stan comes back to life and realizes his sweet dream of leaving a legacy on the world. After digging through his past, Stan begins to excavate his home in search of Ollie North’s ‘Contra’-band buried treasure. As the search for gold goes ‘North,’ life at home begins to head south as Hayley turns to body piercing, Steve creates a robotic girlfriend and Roger files for sexual harassment. Will Stan’s gold lust propel him to fame or will he forgo it to save and treasure his family?
18 May 08 Spring Break-Up (Season Finale)
The Smith’s marriage is fizzling, leaving Stan feeling unappreciated as Francine visits her parents over spring break. Yet the family is unaware of Roger’s own plans to become the ‘King of Spring Break,’ as he invites college coeds to come party at their revamped home. While Steve tries to lose his virginity to the luscious Carmen Selectra, Stan’s tastes lead him to Jessica, his new Spring Break buddy. Stan must now decide whether the booze cruise with Jessica is better than married life.

]]> Fri, 14 Sep 2007 07:27:36 tvcentralgavin Season Two Episode Guide Part 2 (eps 13 - 22) /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1174297487/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1174297487/#num1 Season Two Episode Guide (2006 - 2007)

18 Feb 07 Black Mystery Month
At Pearl Bailey High School, Steve’s class is being lectured about Black History Month by a white man. His teacher orders the class to write a paper on a figure in black history.

That night at home, Roger tries to get Steve to play Jenga but he’s busy trying to write his report and can’t decide on a topic. Francine suggests he do his report on George Washington Carver, the inventor of peanut butter. Steve thinks it’s a great idea and goes off to write his paper. Francine is elated that someone took her advice so she gets some celebratory wine and goes to take a bath. Roger tries to get Hayley to play Jenga with him and she decides to up the stakes by introducing gambling into the game.

Steve is writing his paper in his room when Stan comes in and tells him to get to sleep. He also tells him to write his paper on someone more interesting than George Washington Carver. Steve tells him he is too old to be told what to do. Stan, of course, doesn’t listen.

Steve is at the grocery store with his friend researching peanut butter for his paper when he spots something on the label of the peanut butter jar. It is a symbol of a peanut inside a triangle and he also finds it on all the other peanut butter labels. He vows to get to the bottom of the mystery.

Steve asks his teacher for more time to research his paper but he won’t allow it. Steve decides he is going to find the answer regardless of what his teacher says. After Steve leaves, his teacher makes a phone call to a shadowy group sitting around a triangular table. He says that they have some “chocolate in their peanut butter” and the man answering the phone gets mad and crushes a peanut.

On a rainy night, Steve is at a payphone calling the Smithsonian Peanut Museum for more information on George Washington Carver. The curator on the other end tells him to come to the museum but to be careful because he is being watched. A car almost crashes into him but it’s just a drunk driver. When he shows up at the museum, a detective tells him the curator has been killed. They find the curator’s body stuck to the roof of the mouth of a huge statue of George Washington Carver. The detective also points out that he has left a message in his own blood on the floor – “In the Elf Condom”. Steve tries to figure out what it means. He realizes it is an anagram for “Find the Monocle”. In the curator’s study, he tries to figure out the mystery but is distracted by the sound of a ticking clock. He sees the pendulum is a monocle with the peanut/triangle symbol on it so he grabs it just before a security guard shows up.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Hayley and Roger are playing Jenga but Roger takes hours to make a move annoying Hayley.

Steve is walking down the street trying to solve the mystery when a man gets out of a black car and tells him to get in because he’s won a free air conditioner. He’s about to get in when he sees the peanut/triangle tattoo on the man’s neck. He is alarmed and the man pulls a gun and tells him to get in the car. At that moment, the drunk driver from earlier crashes into the black car, giving Steve a chance to get away. More armed and dangerous men get out of the black car and chase Steve into an alley. He is cornered when a man rappelles down from the building and rescues him. It happens to be Stan. Stan tells him that he has stumbled upon the biggest conspiracy in history. He tells Steve he’s in over his head and that he should do his report on someone else. Steve shows him the monocle so Stan says that this conspiracy is not child’s play. Steve objects and tells him that he’s not a child. Stan agrees to solve the mystery with him. They go to a safe-deposit box and Stan shows Steve some documents. He shows him a picture of Lincoln and two advisors. Lincoln and his advisors talk about how to get southern white people to accept freed black slaves when one of the advisors eats a cracker with peanut butter. He asks Lincoln what peanut butter is, and Lincoln says it’s a strange concoction that his wife created. They all eat the peanut butter and agree that it is delicious. Lincoln comes up with a plan to give peanut butter to the South and say a black man developed it with the logic that if the Southerners liked peanut butter, they would like black people. Unfortunately, John Wilkes Booth got wind of the plan and killed Lincoln before the plan could go into effect. 31 years later, President Grover Cleveland resurrected the plan and gave the recipe for peanut butter to George Washington Carver. Stan says how the nation was healed by the discovery of peanut butter by a black man and that they are the only people outside of the IllumiNUTi who know the real story. He says the IllumiNUTi are a secret society whose mission is to keep the secret hidden and are the people with the peanut/triangle tattoos. Steve wants to blow the lid off the conspiracy and Stan tells him that to do so they must show the “Jar of Proof” showing the physical evidence that Carver didn’t invent peanut butter. Steve shows him a map that can only be read by a special ocular device that shows where the “Jar of Proof” is. The monocle is the ocular device that allows them to view the map. At Burger King, they use the monocle to decipher the map. They find the next stop on the trail – an old strip club. As they go there, they are watched by a shadowy figure.

Roger and Hayley still play Jenga. Roger loses on his first move but cheats to get back into the game.

Stan and Steve go to the strip club and find the peanut symbol on the pole. They need to get the pole so Steve tells the strippers there is a toddler locked in a car in the parking lot who has found a stash so all the strippers run out to see if it is their child.

Roger and Hayley playing Jenga but Roger has brought in an engineer to help him cheat.

Stan and Steve attach the monocle to the pole and wait until sunup to for it to show them where to go. They place the map on the ground. When the sun comes through the monocle, it burns the map and Stan gets mad that he destroyed the map. Steve blows away the ashes to reveal the final clue – “Lastly tip your hat in the Garden of Eden”. Stan tries to call an airline to get a ticket to the Garden of Eden but Steve finds out that they mean the first National garden. They go there and dig up a peanut tree but don’t find anything until they see the bottom of the planter has a clue – a picture of a hat. They realize that it’s a reference to Lincoln so they go to the Lincoln Memorial. They put the monocle on Lincoln and the statue moves and let’s them enter to find the proof. The same shadowy figure watches them angrily. Stan and Steve make their way down the cave.

Roger and Hayley are still trying to play Jenga when Roger finally makes a move. He then gets mad at Hayley for taking 10 seconds to make a move.

Steve and Stan find the Jar of Proof but as Stan reaches for it, Steve notices the IllumiNUTi tattoo on Stan’s back. Steve goes for the Jar of Proof, containing the names Lincoln came up for peanut butter. He switches it with a jar of peanut butter before Stan can take it. Steve confronts Stan and says that he’s one of the IllumiNUTi. Stan tells him to give him the jar because the lie was the only thing that kept the nation together. Jimmy Carter shows up and agrees with Stan. Carter takes the jar and jumps into a river of lava to destroy the proof.

Stan and Steve run away. Steve is a little sad because now they can’t spread the truth. Stan agrees so they decide to put the answer to the mystery on Wikipedia.
25 Mar 07 An Apocalypse to Remember
At the Smith house, the family is dressed up and ready to go to a banquet in honor of Denzel Washington. At the banquet however, the family shows up in black face due to Stan’s error in reading the invitation. On the car ride home, the family is not happy with Stan for making them look like racists.

Back at home, Roger and Klaus are making drinks to match the characters of “Grey’s Anatomy”. Roger messes up the drink by breaking the blender and tells Klaus he can’t watch TV without a blended drink.

The next morning at the breakfast table, the family is still mad at Stan for his gaffe the night before. Roger comes in and tells Stan that he needs a new blender so Stan tries to fix it by putting in a sharpening stone. He breaks it and Roger calls him a boob and everyone but Stan laughs. Stan gets upset and says that he deserves respect and storms off.

At work, the director is conducting a nuclear war drill but Stan shows up late and doesn’t know that it is a drill. He runs home and tells the family and evacuates them in his car. They leave Roger at the house. Upstairs, Klaus and Roger are looking at blenders online and realize that they can’t afford it. Klaus suggests he create bridal registry and find a girl to marry him on “J-Date”. He immediately finds a woman desperate enough to marry him.

In the forest, the family is scared because they don’t know what to do. Stan tells them what they need to do and goes searching for firewood. While he is searching, Roger calls him and tells him that the nuclear scare was just a drill. Stan realizes his mistake and goes back to the family. They tell him that they have complete faith in him so he doesn’t tell them that the nuclear bomb scare was just a drill. Stan is pacing outside the car and decides to keep the charade up and says he is going to find some food. He drives to a diner and has an omelet before looking for food for the family. Just as he is leaving a woman runs in and says she ran over a possum. Stan takes it back to the woods for the family.

Meanwhile, Roger is dating the woman he met on J-Date. The woman is really feeling him. He proposes to her and she calls her mom to tell her the good news.

Back in the woods, Stan comes back with the possum, but before they can eat, a bear comes running toward them. Stan tries to get them to stay still so the bear won’t maul them. The bear charges until he stands up straight and dies. A mountain man steps out from the woods with a bow and arrow and was obviously who killed the bear but Stan keeps trying to say it was because his standing still plan killed it. The mountain man is named Buckle and he takes them to his house for a meal. At Buckle’s house, the family is impressed by Buckle’s command of English and his savvy at surviving in the wild. Stan wants to leave but Buckle says there will be mutants outside but Stan makes them leave anyway.

Roger goes over to his fiancée’s house to meet her parents. The girl’s fiancée’s dad asks Roger if he wants a drink – he accepts. Later, they are discussing the wedding plans and Roger says he wants to get married on Sunday. The parents agree.

In the woods, Stan is trying to find the family some food but they are complaining about having to leave Buckle’s house. Stan goes to a cabin in the woods that he realizes is a camp for the deaf. He steals their food but gets caught by the deaf kids and runs back to his family with the food. The Smith family thinks he is being chased by mutants so they run away. Once they get away, they realize Stan was lying to them. They get mad and go home but Stan has to sit in the back. Buckle stops the car and tells Hayley that he wanted to repopulate the earth with her. She is grossed out and tells Francine to gun it.

Roger is having trouble getting along with his fiancée when they go shopping. He sees the blender he wants and hugs it.

Back home, the family is mad at Stan and calls him a boob. A bold of lightning strikes and Stan sees Buckle outside. Stan yells that Buckle followed them but the family doesn’t believe him. Roger tells them about his plans to get married.

The next day, the wedding is going on in the backyard when Roger realizes that the marriage is going to happen. He tries to tell Stan so he can get out of it. Suddenly, Buckle shows up and kidnaps Hayley, so Stan runs after them and catches them. Buckle admits that he is lonely so Stan thinks quickly and gets Roger’s fiancée to marry Buckle.

Later, Steve is eating some hallucinogenic berries he got in the woods and is having a conversation with a daisy and bee.

Finally, Buckle and his new wife are in the mountain cabin having a typical married life together complete with arguing and dinner.
01 Apr 07 Four Little Words
At the CIA, the agents are sitting around a conference table trying to figure out creative ways to assassinate someone. Stan comes up with an idea involving a midget but Bullock shoots it down and makes the agents work late. Some of the other agents say that Bullock doesn’t want to go home because his wife is being held as a hostage in Fallujah and that he needs to find a new woman.

At home, Stan asks Francine is she can hook Bullock up with one of her friends. Francine doesn’t want to until Stan tells Francine that her friend Melinda would be a great match for him. Francine agrees but then explains to Stan that it might not work out and doesn’t want to have to say “I told you so”. Stan drops Klaus on the floor creating a diversion that Francine has to clean up. After she leaves, Stan tells Klaus he didn’t want to hear her say “I told you so”.

Roger is talking a walk in the mark with Steve and Hayley when a kid points at Roger and says, “Look there’s the monster.” Roger’s feelings are hurt because the kid also pointed out that Roger doesn’t have a nose.

Later at dinner, Melinda shows up to a restaurant where Stan, Francine and Bullock are. Melinda says that Bullock is too old and Stan tries to smooth things over by ordering a lot of alcohol.

At home, Roger is still sad about being called a monster so Hayley and Steve find some latex noses and have him try some on. He likes the Kevin Bacon nose and wants to go back to the park to show the kid.

Back at the restaurant, Melinda is all over Bullock and is really eating up his accent. Francine is turned on by Melinda and Bullock making out so they go home to have some maritals.

Stan gets a call from Bullock telling him that he needs his help so Stan comes over to find Melinda dead. Bullock tells him that she came up behind him to hug him and reflexively killer her with his CIA training in killing. He tells Stan that he will have to hide the body. Stan doesn’t want to hear Francine say “I told you so.”

The next day at the park, Roger goes to show off his new nose. The kid thinks he is Kevin Bacon and so does everyone else. People start offering him free stuff so he asks Hayley and she says that he should accept.

Francine wakes up hung over and wants to check in with Melinda about the date. Stan tells her that she was so drunk she can’t remember that she and Melinda got into a fight and that Melinda doesn’t want to talk to her.

At a fancy restaurant where “Kevin Bacon”, Steve and Hayley are eating at for free, Roger is yelling at a waiter for more free wine. Steve and Hayley think Roger is being unethical.

At the CIA office, Francine asks Stan about Melinda. Stan and Bullock lie about what happened on the date and Francine goes away but not before mentioning going to the police to report Melinda missing. Bullock asks Stan if Francine has other friends he can hook him up with.

The next day, Stan takes Francine’s car to work, and when he starts up the car, a midget jumps out of the steering wheel and chokes him. He realizes that Bullock is trying to kill Francine. At the office, Stan is yelling at Bullock about trying to kill Francine. Bullock tells Stan to kill Francine or he will have to hear “I told you so.”

Roger is at a clothing store with Steve and Hayley demanding free clothes. They tell him that he is making Kevin Bacon look bad and that he needs to stop. He refuses and goes foot loose dancing around the mall.

Stan is having a drink with Francine at a bar. They are waiting for Melinda to show up so Francine can apologize. Stan gives her a poison drink and she passes out. Francine wakes up to find a knife in her hand and Melinda’s stabbed body next to her. Stan makes up a story about the night and gets Francine to believe she killed Melinda in a drunken blackout. They grind up her body but Francine is riddled with guilt.

Roger comes home to Steve and Hayley and apologizes for being a jerk. Then on TV a news report shows Roger as Kevin Bacon involved in a hit and run. They traffic video shows Roger hitting a man and shooting him to make sure he’s dead. The real Kevin Bacon is arrested.

Francine feels so guilty about killing Melinda that she decides to go to India to help the poor. After a few months, the family misses Francine. Stan comes into the kitchen with some hot chicken. Roger goes to eat it but burns his fingers over Stan’s exhortations to use a mitten. Stan is about to say “I told you so” until Roger says “you were right.” Stan is completely disarmed by Roger’s saying that he was right that he decides to go to India and get Francine back. In India, Stan tells Francine what happened and she is mad and screams at him. He vows to fix everything. He takes the Indian baby Francine adopted and gives it to Bullock. Bullock is happy and Stan doesn’t have to work late anymore.
29 Apr 07 When a Stan Loves a Woman
Francine is taking Stan for a blind folded walk in the park for their anniversary. When they get to a rose bush, Francine un-blindfolds Stan and tells him that she planted the rose bush to celebrate the first time they made love. Stan is happy and walks over to another part of the park and sees that many other people have planted similar rose bushes. She tells him that she planted all of them to celebrate all the men she’s slept with and there are acres of rose bushes.

In the kitchen at home, Steve is eating breakfast while Hayley chugs a Cougar Boost energy drink to help he cram for finals. When she opens the can, it lets out a cougar roar. Steve is intrigued so he takes a sip and is overtaken by a strange energetic feeling and starts dancing.

In bed, Francine is trying to get Stan ready for sex but Stan is upset that he has only slept with her and she has slept with multiple partners. They argue about it when Roger comes out of the closet and tells them that he can’t get drunk with all their dirty talk.

On Friday night, Steve’s friends come over to tease pedophiles on the internet but find that Steve has disassembled his computer in a Cougar Boost frenzy. His friends tell him he needs to lay off the sauce.

Later, Francine comes to apologize to Stan but he won’t accept her apology. She tells him that he can go out and have sex with another woman to see that sex without love is meaningless. Stan says he can’t do that because he will be breaking God’s laws. The next day, Francine serves Stan divorce papers so he can go out and sleep with other women. They sit down with the kids and tell them the whole story. The kids are shocked but when Hayley tells Steve to speak up, he asks her for money for more Cougar Boost.

Stan is getting dressed up when Roger comes in dressed like a Persian stud. They go to a nightclub and Stan goes up to random women and yells “intercourse” at them to get them to sleep with him. He realizes he needs to tone it down.

At home, Steve tries panhandling money from Hayley and Klaus so he can buy Cougar Boost.

Roger is at a booth surrounded by three girls when a dejected Stan comes up to him and tells him he’s going home. Stan ends up at the shooting range watches a woman with excellent shooting skills. They dare each other to shoot each other which they end up doing. The next thing you know, they are in a restaurant having drinks telling each other about themselves and they have a lot in common. The waiter delivers their fondue and describes it as very hot and that they should wait 30 minutes to eat it. Stan and the woman start saying how they are going to eat it no matter how hot it is and start daring each other to eat it. The night ends with the woman dropping Stan off at home after they go to the burn ward. Stan gets home and sees Francine on the couch watching TV. She asks him if he got some, he says no but he did meet a nice woman named Joanna and that they had a lot of fun. Francine is mad and tells him that he was supposed to have sex with her not date her. He says they are going out again. Joanna calls Stan on his cell phone and he goes upstairs to take the call.

The next morning, Roger is on the phone with the phone company debating some suspicious phone calls when Francine comes in. He introduces her to the bar skanks he brought home the night before and she confides in him that the whole divorce thing was a bad idea. Roger tells her to go to him and tell him she made a mistake.

At Pearl Bailey High School, Steve’s friends are excited that he has given them Battlestar Galactica on Ice. He says that he needs $20 a ticket from them because they’re in high demand. They don’t want to pay so he takes the tickets back, so they realize they want them and buy them from him.

Meanwhile, Francine tries to apologize to Stan but he says that he has already married Joanna. She comes to the door and Stan asks Francine to take a picture of them together. They sit at the dinner table with the family and Joanna and Stan tell them about how their marriage came about. They were on the beach and started daring each other about how committed they are to things. They came across a wedding on the beach and dared each other to get married. Joanna leaves to go to the car and Francine asks him how he could do this. He says he is sorry but has to leave to go to his honeymoon. Later, Francine is commiserating with the bar skanks who tell her single life is great. Roger comes downstairs and verbally abuses them before he takes them out. Francine vows to never let herself become like that again and goes to the hotel to stop Stan from consummating his new marriage. She goes around the hotel to various rooms until she finds him. Stan is about to make love to his wife when he hesitates – she asks him is there’s something wrong.

At home, Steve’s friends are in his room waiting for him to come home. He gets there and thinks it’s an intervention but they beat him up for selling them fake tickets.

Francine is at the hotel bar having a drink feeling sad for herself for being single again. A guy comes up to her and asks her do him in the bathroom when Stan comes up and punches the guy. She is surprised to see him and asks him why he’s there. He tells Francine kept thinking of her because he only loves her. She says he is happy that he didn’t sleep with Joanna but Stan says no he did sleep with her and realizes what she meant when she said sex without love is meaningless.

At a bar, Roger tells his skanks that they are free to go and at home, Stan and Francine tell Hayley that they are married again but they had to give Joanna half of their furniture in a divorce settlement. They also had to give her joint custody of Steve.
06 May 07 I Can't Stan You
At CIA headquarters, the director announces they are opening the offices for a totally unrestricted inspection. Therefore, he orders the agents to take home and hide all illegal items in CIA possession. The director brings out a life-size Margaret Thatcher robot but unfortunately, Stan is not chosen to take it home. The next item is God’s autograph which the director will only give to Protestants. Again Stan is rebuffed. The director then pulls out a machine that turns water into cocaine which he decides to hold on to before he leaves and tells the agents to pick through the rest of the items. Stan and the other agents fight over some of the items.

At home, Roger is on the phone with a soup company about how he and his children found a finger in a packet of their soup. He tries to blackmail them into buying him an ionic air purifier when they ask to see the finger and he hangs up. Stan comes home to Francine and shows her the illegal items he got from work. He shows her some hi-tech surveillance equipment that enables him to hear a moth fart. Francine tells him they need to get to the neighbors BBQ and Stan says that the neighbors love him and that it will be a treat for them to see him.

Roger is pacing around the house trying to figure out who he can scam next when he sees Steve mowing lawns across the street to make money. Steve is talking to his elderly client, Mr. Hallworthy, when Roger disguised as a human boy screams in pain. Steve runs over to him to find him on the ground claiming that he tripped over Mr. Hallworthy’s driveway and is trying to get $1000 in compensation for his fake injury. Steve urges him not to do it but Roger convinces him to do it by telling him that they can get a new Playstation with the money. Mr. Hallworthy asks Steve if Roger is on the up and up. Steve tells him that he can’t lie, and the next thing you know, Steve and Roger are in Steve’s bedroom playing the Playstation. Steve exclaims, “Lying is awesome!”

At the neighbors BBQ, Stan is regaling the guests with his tales of deporting illegal immigrants when their neighbor Lisa arrives and introduces her new lover Jared. Lisa’s kids describe how their mom met Jared at Black Angus while they waited in the car. Stan tries to play with the kids by drawing his gun and aiming it at them. They are completely terrorized. Lisa tells the kids they need to leave so she and Jared can fornicate on their father’s furniture. Stan draws the gun on the kids one more time.

Stan and Francine get home with Stan saying how great the BBQ was. He hears Mr. Hallworthy and realizes his CIA surveillance is picking up his conversation. Mr. Hallworthy is saying that Stan was annoying at the BBQ because he kept telling his stories. Stan wonders how he could say such things because everyone loves him. He points the microphone around the neighborhood and realizes the entire neighborhood hates him. Francine tells him that they should hold a party to show everyone that he is a good person.

Roger and Steve go to a fast food place to scam them. Roger tells Steve to just do what he says and orders a coffee which he throws on Steve. Roger asks for money and while they pay him, he makes Steve trip and asks for more money. They go around town to various businesses, with Roger injuring Steve to get money from the businesses.

Back at the Smith house, Francine and Stan have their party set up and are awaiting their guests. Their guests show up and Stan does his best to listen to guests and cater to them. As they leave, Stan thinks things went well but as he points the microphone around the neighborhood, the neighbors still hate him. Stan vows to be beloved. He drives around the neighborhood announcing his innermost secrets, failings, and vulnerabilities to the neighbors. They are not pleased. Next, he takes a plane and announces to the neighbors that the key to friendship is generosity so he says he’s going to paint their houses and dumps lead-based paint on their homes from the plane. Then, he goes to Lisa’s son’s birthday party and gives him a gift that blows up and throws the kid into the pool. Stan says he will save him but is beaten to the punch by Lisa before Stan can finish his ruse. Lisa tells him to leave.

At CIA headquarters, Stan is on the phone with a real-estate agent saying that he wants to sell his house because his neighbors hate him. His fellow agents come with the Margaret Thatcher doll and say they are going to the secret CIA beach house. They say that the CIA can now seize any house they want, so Stan decides to seize all the neighbors’ houses and evict them.

Looking over the now empty neighborhood, Francine, Klaus and Hayley criticize Stan’s actions. Stan gets upset and threatens them. Upstairs, Roger is planning their next con when Steve says that they should try a big scam that can net them $50,000 a piece. Roger poses as a real-estate agent and goes around selling the neighborhood homes. He is showing a couple the house but they get cold feet. Steve comes in and pretends to be another serious buyer and Roger does a hard sell on the couple.

Back at the house, Stan hears the family criticizing him so he kicks them out of the house. When he is alone, he tells a joke but there is no one there to laugh so he moves the couch cushions up and down like mouths laughing. Steve meets Roger at a carousel to give him a briefcase with his share of the money. Roger flies to Mexico and tries to buy a Mexican restaurant franchise, but when he opens his briefcase, there only a letter from Steve saying that he has scammed Roger out of his share of the money.

Stan is eating nuts when he chokes on one and runs outside looking for someone to help him but there is no one to be found. He collapses in the street but Lisa’s son Johnny comes running and kicks him in the crotch dislodging the nut. Stan thanks him for saving his life but is confused because he thought Johnny hated him. Johnny says that just because he trash-talked him doesn’t mean he hates him. Johnny takes him to the motel where the neighbors are staying and shows him that they all trash-talk each other too. Stan feels better and becomes pals with Johnny. As they walk off, Stan draws his gun on Johnny scaring him.
13 May 07 The Magnificent Steven
Stan is testifying before Congress over serious charges brought against him. He recounts a tale that starts with him picking up Steve from school. He sees that school, especially PE has changed since he was in school. For one, the teacher is a woman, and the sports are non-competitive. On the ride home, Stan berates the kids for being weak but the boys are fine with being weak.

Roger goes into Hayley’s room and interrupts her while she’s reading a book. He convinces her to pretend to be his girlfriend so the cashier at Booze Town, a local liquor store, will be jealous and fall in love with him.

In the front yard, Stan comes outside expecting the boys to playing a tough game of football but instead, they are in the shade pretending the ball is a panda egg. They explain they are in the shade because they are afraid of the UV rays. They complain that being outside is hard but Stan tells them that they need to do things that are hard so they can become tough.

At Booze Town, the charade is on and Hayley is pretending to be in love with Roger. They leave laughing and Roger realizes he loves Hayley.

At home, Stan comes up with an idea to make the boys tougher. He wakes them up at 5 AM to put his plan into effect. Inspired by George W. Bush, he decides to make the boys tough by turning them into ranchers. He takes them to the backyard where he has filled the backyard with cows. When Steve’s friends try to leave, Stan tells them that their parents told them it was ok for him to keep them at his “ranch”.

Roger makes Hayley a diorama. Hayley explains to her mom that Roger has a crush on her and calls her the prettiest girl in the house. Francine gets a little jealous because she lives in the house too.

After a day of ranching, the boys are tired and hungry. Stan tells them that they need to kill a calf they have fallen in love with to eat. They refuse to do it but Stan forces the one who loves the calf the most kill it. They BBQ the calf and Stan eats it but the boys are too traumatized to eat it.

In the house, Roger is sketching Hayley when Francine comes to the table in a sexy dress. Roger immediately notices and starts sketching her instead. Hayley tries to get Roger to pay attention to her again by inviting him to Red Lobster with her, but Francine says she will take him to a bar instead. Roger goes with Francine.

The next day in the backyard, Stan wakes up to find himself alone. He goes inside and sees the boys watching cartoons. Steve explains that they don’t want to be tough, they want to watch cartoons. Stan says they need to be tougher and do a cattle drive. They drive the cattle across town.

Francine answers the door to find two agents from the Department of Agriculture. They explain that the cattle Stan bought have mad cow disease and that anyone who eats the meat will go crazy. She tells them they are driving the cattle to the slaughterhouse.

On the cattle drive, Stan is acting crazy and the boys finally realize he has gone bonkers. Stan hallucinates that he is in a natural setting and breaks into song. Stan tells the boys that he is going to cross a highway that he thinks is a river. The boys agree to relieve him of command. They devise a violent plan to take him out but when they look at him, they realize he is much bigger than them so they wuss out. Stan goes for the highway but gets stranded on a log truck. The boys come to his rescue. The boys decide to finish their cattle drive and take the cows to slaughter.

In the attic, Hayley is made up and when Francine and Roger come back, Roger gives Hayley all the attention. Francine and Hayley start fighting. Roger starts videotaping them. They ask him why and he says that he is putting it up the video on a catfight site to win a free T-shirt. He confesses to arranging the entire jealousy thing for the T-shirt.

At the slaughterhouse, the Department of Agriculture agents try to stop the cattle from entering herd but the boys say that men never give up and drive the cattle into the heard.

Back at the Congressional hearing on mad cow disease, Stan is finishing his story and is going to be punished by Congress when the boys stand up for him. They tell Congress, that Stan taught them how to be men. Congress like what he did and lets him off.
20 May 07 Joint Custody (Season Finale)
Stan awakens on a beautiful morning to find Hayley’s deadbeat hippie boyfriend camped out in front of their house in his van. He goes back inside to complain to Hayley but she says that Jeff is parked legally. Stan says he wants the van gone but he has to do something cunning to get rid of it. He has his friend Eddie come by with a wrecking ball to destroy the van. Later that day, Stan is taking a shower and Jeff joins him in the shower. Stan confronts Hayley about this and she says he has nowhere to go and that he doesn’t have a family. Roger wants to meet Jeff because he likes his bohemian style. Later, the family is having a meal at the dinner table and Jeff is regaling them with a tale of an amazing burrito he ate. Stan is offended by the story so he yells at Jeff to leave the house. Hayley tells Stan that Jeff is a part of her life and that he should get used to it. Hayley also says that they might also get married. Jeff gives him some clothes and leprechaun summoning flute as a pre-emptive dowry.

Upstairs, Stan is looking for his hacksaw to kill Jeff. Roger comes up with a way to get Jeff out of the house. When Stan asks him why he’s now against Jeff, Roger reveals that Jeff is wanted in Florida for transporting marijuana and that with the bounty money he can buy many more disguises. Stan takes Jeff in the car on the pretense that they are going to a baseball game. Jeff is excited to go to the game and reveals to Stan that he isn’t close to his dad because he is ashamed of some things that he’s done. He asks Stan if he is close to his dad. Stan lies and says yes. Roger, dressed as a biker, stops the car by shooting it. Stan gets out of the car and asks Roger why he did that. Roger says because he is tired of waiting and wants the bounty money. Stan says he and not Roger is taking Jeff to Florida. Jeff hears them and runs away but not before using his leprechaun flute to summon the leprechaun but he doesn’t show. Stan shoots Roger’s motorcycle before driving after Jeff. The leprechaun shows up and Roger tells him Jeff is the one who summoned him.

Jeff makes it to his dad’s farm and calls Hayley to tell her that Stan kidnapped him. She gets Francine to agree to help her save Jeff. After they leave, Klaus gets on the phone and makes a deal with Stan to tell him where Jeff is if Stan will take an old western photo with him. Stan shows up at Jeff’s dad’s house and grabs him by the throat. Jeff begs Stan to let him stay one more night with his dad. Roger is at a motel on the phone with the credit card company trying to find out where Stan last used his card, when Klaus calls him and tells him where Jeff is. Hayley and Francine run into the living room looking for the car keys. Francine can’t remember where she last left them. Steve comes in and tells them he can hotwire cars.

At Jeff’s dad’s house, Stan, Jeff’s dad, and Jeff are eating dinner when Jeff’s dad starts saying how proud he is of Jeff. Jeff’s dad is sarcastic about praising Jeff but Jeff is too stupid to realize that he is being insincere. Stan tells him that his dad is a jerk. That night, Stan has a talk with Jeff’s dad in the barn about Jeff. He says that he is a little hard on Jeff, and Roger shows up to collect Jeff. He tells Jeff’s dad that his son is wanted for marijuana transportation. He takes Roger’s gun and ties up Stan and Roger. He tells them that he is going to turn Jeff in himself because the marijuana Jeff was busted for was his and that Jeff didn’t know he was transporting marijuana. Stan realizes that Jeff is innocent and Jeff’s dad leaves. Roger sets the marijuana filled barn on fire so they can escape. They get high from breathing in the smoke and go to the quickie mart where Roger buys a heavy bag of cat food so he won’t float away.

Later, Jeff wakes up to find himself in his dad’s truck. He tells Jeff that he has saved Jeff from Stan. Finally, after being in the quickie mart for a long time, Stan remembers that he has to save Jeff.

Back at home, Steve is unable to hotwire the car so the ambulance shows up to save him from injuries sustained by the attempted hotwiring. The ambulance driver thinks that Steve has a gift for finding lost keys. Meanwhile, Stan and Roger are driving around trying to find Jeff when they listen to the radio and enjoy Night Ranger. Stan looks at some CIA documents that say enjoying Night Ranger is a symptom of being high. Stan remembers he wants to save Jeff because his father is so terrible. They pass a highway patrol checkpoint and freak out and take off because they think the cop knows they are high. Back at home, the ambulance drive is asking Steve wear he thinks the keys are and goes around destroying the house with an axe. Steve admits he doesn’t really have a gift of seeing lost keys so the ambulance driver chops down the wall and leaves.

Stan and Roger get to a police station in Florida and try to tell Jeff that his dad is trying to turn him in to get money. Jeff doesn’t believe him and says that his dad is turning himself in. The cop from the security checkpoint drives up and pulls a gun on Stan while Stan is talking to Jeff. Roger lets go of the cat food bag and floats away. Jeff’s dad comes out of the station saying to the police that he wants the reward for turning in his son. Stan and Jeff are both arrested but Stan tells the cops that Jeff’s dad was the one who owned the marijuana and he has proof because he was wearing a wire. The cops let Stan and Jeff go. Jeff is sad because he thought his dad loved him but Stan tells him he knows what it’s like to have a jerk for a dad. Stan tells him that he can’t pick his father but he can pick his father figure. Jeff tells him that he wants to pick his uncle as his father figure but Stan thought he would choose him as his father figure. Jeff asks Stan if he is too stoned to drive and he says that he thinks it’s wearing off. Roger falls back to the ground.

Courtesy of FOX]]> Mon, 19 Mar 2007 09:44:47 tvcentralgavin Season Two Episode Guide Part 1 (eps 1 - 12) /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169214016/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169214016/#num1 Season Two Episode Guide (2006 - 2007)

10 Sep 06 Camp Refoogee
The bell rings and the high school kids flood out the front doors, excited about their summer vacation. Steve sneaks out the side, cautiously looking around. He makes his way down the street before a black sedan speeds up and chases Steve down.

In a dry aqueduct, the sedan corners Steve. Stan emerges from the car and slowly walks towards Steve. Steve pleads with his father, "Dad! No!" Stan begs Steve to look over several camp brochures that he has picked up. Suddenly, Francine plows the family SUV into Stan's parked sedan and yells to Steve. "Steve, come with me if you want to live...at home this summer!" Steve runs to his mother.

Steve and Francine work in the garden. Stan pops up from the ground and tries again to convince Steve to go away to summer camp. Steve refuses and Francine takes Steve's side.

Francine walks inside where Roger yammers on dressed as a 1920's era private investigator. Roger tells Francine that the only way he keeps his sanity while trapped in the house is to roll play.

Stan drags Steve to a sport goods store. If he can't send Steve to camp, then they're going to make a camp in the back yard. A store employee tells Stan that they're out of tents because they have been shipping them off to another camp. Stan begs the employee to get Steve into the camp.

Francine is furious that Stan sent Steve away to camp. Hayley reads the name of the camp, Stan accidentally sent Steve to a refugee camp in Africa.

Steve stands outside his tent, lost in a sea of refugees and looking for his Care Bear towel.

At a CIA airbase, Francine orders Stan to bring home Steve. Hayley wants to go with to let the refugees know that people care about their plight.

Stan and Hayley arrive at the camp. Stan doesn't think the place is all bad and Hayley goes to help at a UN tent. Stan asks the villagers if they have seen Steve and Stan is aided by an older man named, Wabuto Kawanga Kumali which Stan affectionately nicknames "Hot Rod."

Francine feels lonely without Steve in town and Roger suggests that they both go to an art opening as characters.

Steve finds Stan and begs him to go home. But Stan wants to show Steve that camp is great. He looks around and thinks he can clean up the area. He announces to the people that he is open Camp Refugee.

Hayley protests how the UN employees are living a lavish lifestyle, while the refugees struggle for water. But once Hayley finds out that Stan sent the jet home, she takes advantage of the UN benefits.

Roger and Francine build out their character's back stories at the art gallery. They banter back and forth and are having a blast being other people. Francine suggests that Roger's character have a background in economics, instead of Roger's suggestion of political science.

Stan tries to get Steve involved in camp activities and Steve tells Stan that his camp experience will never be as good as his fathers. A CIA plane flies overhead and drops supplies for the camp. The boxes are full of camp t-shirts and tether balls.

Steve is upset and finds a seat next to the local watering hole. Suddenly, a beautiful refugee girl charges towards him wielding a giant sword. She leaps into the watering and slays a giant snake. She introduces herself as Makeva and hopes to see Steve at the camp dance.

At the watering hole, "Hot Rod" points out a camp across the water that belongs a rebel camp who forced the refugees to their current camp. "Hot Rod" says the leader is ruthless, but Stan can't resist dropping his pants and mooning the enemy camp.

Roger and Francine, still living their lives as their characters, invite another couple from the local country club to dinner.

At the dance, Makeva gives Steve a necklace with a giant snake tooth. Before the two can kiss, Stan jumps in an ruins the moment. Steve runs after Makeva.

But outside the camp, the rebels are attacking on horseback. They fire guns, burn tents and the rebel leader, Ozomatli, kidnaps Makeva.

The next morning, Stan surveys the destruction. Steve begs him to help get Makeva back and Steve forces Stan to help the refugees.

Stan meets Ozomatli and challenges them to a camp Olympics. If Stan wins, they get Makeva and the refugee's land back. If Ozomatli wins, the rebels get Makeva and Stan's camp t-shirts.

Roger and Francine charm Rick and Candy, the couple from the country club. But Francine slips up and says they were in Egypt while Roger was doing work for his economics dissertation. Roger excuses himself and Francine to discuss her slip up. Roger isn't happy. He saunters back to Rick and Candy and tells them that Francine's character was in rehab.

The camp Olympics begin. Throughout the events, the camps are neck and neck until the talent competition where Ozomatli's sweet singing voice brings everyone to tears.

Roger and Francine continue to battle it out verbally in front of their guests until it escalates into a fist fight and Rick and Candy run from the house.

The final Olympic event comes down to a footrace between Steve and Ozomatli. Steve looses ground until he comes face to face with a lion. His fear propels him across the finish line and he defeats Ozomatli. However, Makeva's heart was won be Ozomatli's singing voice and she leaves with him.

Francine and Roger sit in the rubble of the living room and settle their character's differences.

Steve sits atop a hill, watching the celebrations below. Stan helps Steve get passed the pain of Makeva choosing another man
17 Sep 06 The American Dad After School Special
Steve runs down a filthy school hallway, followed closely by two men. Steve eludes them and hides in a vent above the lockers. As he crawls along, he finds a girl hidden away in the vents, watching students in gym class.

Steve comes home and tells his family that he's in love with Debbie, the girl he met in the vents. Stan seems to be obsessed with the fact that Steve is dating a "gorgeous" actress.

Steve asks Stan to help him ask Debbie on a date. Stan affixes an explosive collar to his neck that will detonate in 24 minutes if he doesn't ask Debbie out.

Steve races through the streets to Debbie's house. After she answers the door, he stumbles and the collar begins to beep. Steve closes his eyes…

…a man and woman stand over a grave…then pan to Steve and Debbie having a picnic on a hillside. Steve and Debbie share their first kiss.

Steve anxiously waits at the front door, Debbie is coming for dinner. As Debbie approaches, Stan freaks out knowing that his son is in love with an overweight girl. He grabs the family and takes them to the panic room.

Steve tries to go after Debbie when she doesn't find anyone home and Stan tries to keep them apart. Hayley and Francine turn the tables on Stan and suggest that maybe he's gained some weight too.

The next morning, Francine serves pancakes, but Stan refuses, sticking to his diet. He jogs nearby on a treadmill.

Stan, unhappy with his current workout, heads to the mall and meets Zach, a personal trainer who wants to help Stan.

Stan comes home for dinner, and Hayley tells the family they have to get Stan to eat as much as possible. But Zach's workout plan doesn't give Stan a break.

Steve and Debbie play games in Steve's room. Roger voyeuristically takes photos of them from Steve's closet. He's in love with Debbie too.

Stan jumps rope outside and Zach shows up. Zach tells Stan that his family is keeping him fat. Stan realizes that his family is trying to plump him up like Steve's girlfriend.

Stan sneaks inside and catches Francine and Hayley sabotaging Stan's veggies. They tell him that his diet is making him paranoid. Stan continues on and Hayley pumps lard into the celery.

At the CIA headquarters, Stan and other agents stand before the CIA physical training course. The other agents head off, but Stan passes out only a few steps from the starting line. Stan's boss, Bullock, is forced to suspend Stan until he gets fit again.

Stan tells his family what happened and all they want him to do is listen. The family realizes that Stan is anorexic. He takes off his shirt and has actually withered away to a skeleton, but Stan doesn't see it. In fact, Zach was only hallucination.

The Smiths drags Stan to the community center to join an anorexic help group. The counselor tells the Smiths that anorexia usually comes about from a jarring event. Steve thinks it was bringing Debbie home.

Steve calls Debbie on the phone and breaks up with her. He swears it had nothing to do with Stan. Roger, still hiding in the closet, sees his opportunity.

At dinner, Stan appears to be eating and Steve breaks the news of his break up with Debbie. Stan goes for a walk and drops food in the bushes.

The days go by and Stan isn't gaining any weight. Steve tries to put Debbie behind him and Stan tells Steve that he can introduce him to his anorexic friend, Veronica.

Roger sets up a fake interview at a restaurant with Debbie saying he's with the "Anne Rice Fanclub." However, Steve, Stan and Veronica are at the same restaurant.

At home, Francine falls into the pool while chasing a bottle and sees that the pool is full of discarded food. Francine and Hayley realize that Stan was only hiding his food.

Debbie sees Steve with Veronica and Roger tries to make his move. Francine and Hayley storm into the restaurant telling Stan that they know his secret. Steve is furious his father because he though breaking up with Debbie was helping his father. Debbie finds Steve and the two embrace. Steve finally realizes his problem and stuffs his face with dinner rolls.
24 Sep 06 Failure is Not a Factory-installed Option
Stan interrogates a man the CIA believes to be a terrorist. Stan figures out that the man's wife doesn't care for him anymore and is able to relate to him and find out his terrorist secrets.

Steve and the nerds eye the popular girls at school. The nerds don't think the girls will talk to them, but Steve has confidence. When the guys approach the girls, but the girls tell them that they only date guys with cars.

Francine tells Stan that her car broke down again and Stan promises to buy her a new car.

Stan enters the show room and hopes to use his negotiating skills to outsmart the salesman. Stan begins to analyze him, but before he can, the salesman finds Stan's weakness.

Stan brings home a sports car, which isn't want Francine wanted. Stan realizes that the salesman turned the tables on him. Every time Stan leaves, he returns home with a new car.

Roger finds an old movie projector in the attic, but no movies. Steve walks upstairs and realizes that he can use his dad's new cars to impress the girls.

At the CIA, Stan starts to interrogate a terrorist, but ends up giving him a passport and several CIA secrets before sending him on his way. Bullock suspends Stan without pay.

Stan mopes around the house, and Francine suggests that Stan visit his sensei, the man who taught him everything he knows about interrogation.

Stan flies to Nepal and is welcomed by his sensei.

Steve invites the girls over and they're impressed to see all the cars. Steve admits that they can't drive the cars.

Hayley delivers a box of films to Roger. Roger projects the movie on the garage and the girls think Steve has his own drive-in movie theater.

Stan returns from his trip. His skills are honed and he will return to the car dealership in the morning.

Steve's drive-in is a hit. The nerds sit in the cars with the girls, but the girls tell the guys that they don't understand why the guys didn't make any advances.

Stan appears at the car dealership and announces his arrival.

Francine serves dinner, but the house goes dark. Steve, Hayley and Francine run outside to see that Stan has been tricked into buying the dealership blimp. Stan realizes his mistake and tells his family he's removing himself from the family because he's an embarrassment.

Francine tells the family that she doesn't know where Stan is or when he's coming back, but they shouldn't worry. The electricity in the house suddenly shuts off and the family has to work to pay the bills.

Hayley and Francine take jobs as house cleaners. After the home owners refuse to pay, Francine pawns her wedding ring. In front of the pawn shop, Francine sees Stan. His sports car is filthy and packed with belongings, and he's grown a full beard. Francine climbs in and begs Stan to come home.

The girls return to Steve's drive-in. Roger fires up the movie and just as Steve makes his move, a repo-man shows up to take all of Stan's cars.

Francine, Hayley and Steve head to the store where they find Stan trying to sell candy bars. Stan sees the man who sold him all the cars and the man offers to set things right with the cars and the bank.

At the dealership, Stan peels off his filthy costume and beard revealing that he did it all to beat the salesman
5 Nov 06 Lincoln Lover
Stan takes Steve to his first meeting of the “Langley Conservatives” meeting and the members of the Conservatives have chosen Stan to speak at the Republican convention. As they approach a second security check, Stan tells Steve that this checkpoint is to search for homosexuals.

Inside, the Conservatives announce that a female member has been chosen to speak at the convention instead of Stan.

Stan fumes at home, saying no one wants to hear the opinion of a woman. Francine cheers Stan up by taking him to the community theater that is performing a show about Abraham Lincoln.

Stan and the family sit in the front row, horrified by the awful show.

Stan wants to reclaim the good name of the G.O.P and plans to write his own play about Lincoln. The play will be written through the eyes of Lincoln’s body guard.

When Stan’s play opens, the house is near empty. However, unknown to Stan, he’s filled the play with homosexual overtones and the gay community packs the theater. A group of gay men tell Stan that they’re members of the “Log Cabin Republicans” and ask him to speak at the Convention on their behalf. They invite Stan to a mixer later that night.

The mixer is a hit. Stan sips on a martini and suddenly it hits him. He’s surrounded by gay men. The men tell Stan that even though they’re gay, the still share Republican beliefs. Stan defends that he’s not gay, and they know.

Stan tells Steve that he’s on board with the gay community. Steve is stunned by his father’s change and hopes they don’t “turn him gay.”

Stan sits with Roger, sharing martinis and cheese. Roger cries because he’s so happy to see the new Stan. Steve comes home and tells Stan the gays have reprogrammed his father. Steve tries to battle the change by getting his father a hooker. The ploy doesn’t work.

Stan heads out to meet the Log Cabin Republicans on a gay cruise, but the guard won’t let him beyond the “straight check.” Through Steve, the gay men find out that Stan used to be a part of annual anti-gay conventions.

Stan returns home and admits that he can’t live a gay lifestyle without being gay. He has decided to have sex with a man. Francine doesn’t understand.

Stan goes next door and asks Terry to go on a date. Terry takes him through the night and they end up in Terry’s bedroom, topless and playing board games. Stan and Terry kiss, and Stan says he doesn’t feel anything. Terry tells him he has to admit that he’s straight.

At the convention, Steve protests the gays being part of it. Stan holds a sign, feeling guilty. But the Langley Conservatives ask Stan to speak after the last nominee drove a hybrid.

Stan takes the podium and admits to kissing Terry in front of the entire convention. He tells them that they’re wrong about gays and while they didn’t choose to be gay, they did choose to be Republican. The convention applauds as Stan changes their minds.
12 Nov 06 Dungeons and Wagons
Stan and Francine are driving home from date night. Stan is happy, but Francine thinks they’re in a rut. At a red light, another driver wants to race. When the light turns green, the muscle car roars away, and Stan just writes down the man’s license plate number.

Hayley and Jeff sit on the couch, watching TV. Jeff is showing way too much attention to Hayley and she dumps him.

Steve and his nerdy friends return home, talking about their favorite game, Dragonscuffle. Steve’s friends obey ever command.

Francine wonders aloud about the man they raced in the street last night. Roger tells Stan that Francine is fantasizing about the man because Stan is boring.

Steve plays Dragonscuffle, and is dominating online. Jeff crawls through his open window and presses his bare chest to the wall that Steve and Hayley share. Steve tells Jeff that he’s playing Dragonscuffle, and that he’s spent four years creating his ultimate character. Jeff wants to know more.

Stan wakes up at night and finds Francine watching racing movies on television. Francine tells Stan he’s having a dream and slides back to bed. Stan stumbles into the attic with a bottle of booze in his hand, begging Roger for help. Roger tells Stan that all she wants is a little excitement.

Jeff plays Dragonscuffle alongside Steve in Steve’s room. Hayley goes to ask Steve a question and finds Jeff there. But Jeff is no longer interested in Hayley.

Stan drives Francine to an illegal street race. Stan sets up his first race and is able to win. Francine tackles him. Stan quickly becomes the hottest racer in underground racing.

Hayley wants to win back Jeff. Klaus tells her that the problem isn’t Steve, it’s Steve’s character in Dragonscuffle. If she can kill him, she’ll get Jeff back.

Inside the game, the nerds celebrate another victory. Hayley’s character appears and challenges Steve’s character. Klaus gives Hayley, Steve’s weakness. Saying his character’s name backwards. Steve’s character topples over, the nerds are silent.

Stan works his way to number 2 on the underground racing list. The other man, Bard, has to beat is the man who blew him away on date night. Stan challenges Brad to a race.

Brad defeats Stan again. Francine is furious, and Brad comes to collect fifty-thousand dollars that Francine bet on the race. The thugs take Francine until Stan can get the money.

The nerds look down on Steve. They make him carry their backpacks. Hayley sees that she destroyed Steve’s reputation.

Inside Dragonscuffle, Hayley looks to revive Steve’s character. She tells Jeff she knows how, and the two set out across the lands of Dragonscuffle in search of the Amulet of Resurrection.

Stan and Roger arrive at the rendezvous point. Brad stands nearby with Francine bound and gagged. Stan throws a briefcase, half-filled with cash and phone books, at Brad and grabs Francine. Stan, Roger and Francine make a run for it.

Brad and his gang chase after them. Roger dismantles the SUV to lighten the load. Roger tosses his collection of Rod Stewart records back and they knock Brad off the road.

Hayley and Jeff make their way through a palace where the Amulet is held. The only thing between them and Steve’s life is a giant cave-beast. Jeff and Hayley team up to defeat the beast and retrieve the amulet. Hayley thrusts the amulet into Steve’s behind and Steve’s character jumps back to life.

Stan tells Francine they can keep racing if she wants it. But in the end, all she really needed was a little change. Francine only asks that they change the dinner location
19 Nov 06 Iced, Iced Babies
The Smith family sits at the dinner table, Steve’s girlfriend Debbie is joining them. Stan still holds some resentment towards Debbie. Francine starts treating Steve like he’s a baby and he’s embarrassed. Stan doesn’t understand what Steve sees in Debbie.

Francine wants Stan to be nicer to be Debbie. The two go through a routine of wrapping Francine in saran wrap to keep Francine from getting pregnant again.

Debbie stops by the Smith home to walk with Steve to school. Stan puts his gun on the table to scare Debbie, however, she’s a gun geek and knows the make and model. Stan and Debbie bond over Debbie’s love of guns. Francine gets jealous when Debbie makes Steve lunch.

Hayley takes Roger to enroll at college; he’s tired of being treated like a moron. A boy Hayley likes, Ethan, walks by ignores her.

Steve is making a scrapbook for Debbie, and Francine pours water on it to ruin to the book. Francine wants Steve to stay home, but he has a date with Debbie. Francine begs Steve to stay home, but it doesn’t work.

Francine brings Stan cookies at work. Stan expresses his new fondness in Debbie which angers Francine. She heads towards the drug room at the CIA.

A security guard slams Steve against the lockers as Steve defends that he doesn’t have drugs on him. The principal opens Steve’s locker and several kilos of cocaine fall out. The principal suspends Steve.

Hayley sits next to Ethan in class. Roger stands before the class, dressed as a professor. He lied to the dean and ended up teaching.

Francine meets Steve at a coffee shop. He knows Francine set him up with the drugs, and he tells his mother he’s ready to move on. He says he’s found another woman and Francine has to move on.

Francine watches a children’s daytime show, but weeps since Steve isn’t watching it with him. Klaus suggests that maybe it’s time Francine convinces Stan to have another child.

That night, Stan freaks out when Francine tries to be intimate. Stan refuses to let Francine anywhere near him, he doesn’t want to have another child.

Roger lectures a handful of students in his office, they think he’s really smart. Hayley walks in and tells Roger that his class is nothing but idealistic babble. Ethan walks into Roger’s office and says he’s inspired by Roger. Hayley uses the opportunity to get a date with Ethan.

Stan goes to get a vasectomy. A nurse offers Stan the chance to save some sperm for later use, but Stan says he took care of that years ago. Stan then enters another room and goes through with the vasectomy.

Roger babbles on in front of his class, all the students buy into everything he says. Hayley sits up front, looking irritated. After class Hayley wants Roger to keep up what he’s doing and Ethan invites them to dinner.

Steven and Debbie return home and run into Francine in the kitchen. It’s awkward. Stan tells Francine he’s ready to have a baby, and the two head upstairs.

Francine keeps checking pregnancy tests, and nothing is working. Stan tells her before they try again, they should break for yogurt. Francine flips through her coupon book and finds a coupon missing for the vasectomy clinic. Francine grabs the phone and angrily dials the phone number.

Roger and Hayley arrive at Ethan’s mansion. Ethan tells Roger that he took his advice to make a change for the better and Ethan admits he stabbed his father thirty times before he laughs maniacally.

Francine confronts Stan about the vasectomy and she knows about Stan’s frozen sperm. Francine and Stan race to the storage facility.

Roger plays piano while he and Hayley try to avoid being killed by Ethan, then they make a run for it.

Francine runs through the warehouse, trying to find Stan’s sample. Stan finds her and holds her at gunpoint. Stan is done with kids, but Francine wants more. Francine pulls a gun of her own and shoots a giant milk tank behind Stan. A flood of milk washes him out the door.

Stan is able to get to Stan’s sample first. Stan and Francine square off. Stan gives up his sample and he tells her she doesn’t need another baby, she’s already a mother and always will be. Kids are supposed to leave because it means the mother has done a great job. Francine understands and changes her mind about the baby.

Ethan holds Hayley and Roger at sword-point. Roger confesses to Ethan that he’s not a real professor. He realizes he doesn’t need respect, he just likes to sit on the couch and watch TV.

Steve cries on the couch, Debbie broke up with him. Francine tells Steve he’s a big boy and he’ll be okay. She tells him that no other woman will love him more than his mother
26 Nov 06 Of Ice and Men
Francine wants to pack a picnic and have a nice day. Suddenly, Stan’s eyes lock on something outside. It’s the first snow. Francine begs Stan to make this year different, but Stan wants to be alone. Francine sobs alone in the kitchen.

Francine tells Hayley and Roger that Stan left in the middle of the night again, but they don’t know where. Stan stumbles in with blood dripping from his ankle. Francine pleads with him to know where he was, but Stan refuses.

Steve and the nerds play outside when a delivery truck arrives with a giant crate for them. The front of the crate opens, and a beautiful Russian blonde woman emerges.

Francine pretends to sleep, and when Stan wakes up to leave, she follows him into the bathroom where she finds Stan has created a secret elevator under the bathtub.

She walks through a series of tunnels, hoping to discover Stan’s secret. She walks into a large room, and see’s Stan near a case displaying several weapons. The weapons then turn around to reveal a strange white outfit with a purple cape.

Francine follows Stan up a ladder that leads to a secret frozen pond. Stan is wearing the outfit and figure skating on the pond. Francine watches in horror. Francine steps in. She wants to know why Stan never told her about his skating. Stan tells her that many years ago, he hurt his figure skating partner very badly at a regional event. Stan only skate alone because he put winning before his partner’s safety. But Francine wants to be Stan’s skating partner so he’ll be happy.

Stan trains Francine, who is now happy because she can spend time with Stan.

Steve and the nerds walk through the high school hallways, showing off Svetlana, their Russian bride. The girls at the school are sad that the nerds aren’t stalking them anymore.

Stan skips through the kitchen, happy to be showing off his skills. Stan and Francine are happier than ever. Stan realizes that the skating is just for fun, until Francine tells him she entered them in a local contest. Stan doesn’t want to skate, afraid of reliving the past. He tells Roger that Stan was so competitive that he continued their routine even though his partner was unconscious. Stan doesn’t want to put Francine’s life in danger because he’s so competitive.

Stan trains Francine, his competitive nature takes over.

The nerds get ready to skinny dip with Svetlana. When Svetlana comes out of the house, she won’t take off her bathing suit. Hayley follows her out, and she’s playing the role of Svetlana’s agent and tells them that Svetlana won’t do anything for them until they marry her.

Stan flips Francine in the air, working on their routine. He shouts at her when she isn’t meeting his standards. When Francine skates away, Stan sees a beautiful blonde with great talent across the rink. When she skates near, it’s actually Roger in a wig. He’s a great skater, and Stan agrees to team up with him to win.

Francine is upset because Stan ditched her for Roger. Stan cares more about the contest than spending time with Francine.

Stan and Roger hone their routine, but Roger begins getting frustrated with Stan’s talent. Roger is more competitive about winning the contest than Stan is.

Steve hands Svetlana off to Snot so that they can be wed.

Stan and Roger look over their competition. And older couple takes the ice, and it’s clear they’re doing it to be with each other. Stan realizes that this is no longer about winning, and Stan runs off to find Francine.

Stan returns home and begs Francine to skate with him.

At the nerd wedding, Snot is about to marry Svetlana. But Toshi speaks up, in Russian, to win Svetlana’s heart. Svetlana grabs Toshi and kisses him.

Stan and Francine take the ice, and Francine is furious that he tricked her into doing it. During the routine, Stan apologizes for ditching her not only for the competition, but all the other winters as well. Stan doesn’t even want to see his scores, he’s happy being with his wife
10 Dec 06 Irregarding Steve
Stan and Steve sit on the couch. Steve says that Stan is a genius and Stan looks up him.

Steve heads to his room to do a report on fossils. However a squirrel bites through their internet connection and Steve can’t do his report. Steve runs downstairs and asks Stan to help.

In class, Steve reads Stan’s version of what fossils are. The teacher isn’t happy.

Steve returns home, upset, and finds Roger at his computer. Steve tells Roger he’s right, Stan isn’t smart. Roger knows they can manipulate Stan to get whatever they want and Steve is on board.

Roger and Steve trick Stan into getting a popcorn machine. Steve and Roger decide that they can’t live under the same roof as Stan and they decide to move out.

Francine calls Steve’s friends but they haven’t seen him and she thinks they’re in New York. Over her shoulder, Stan sees a curtain in Steve’s tree house move. Stan points it out to Francine and tells them it’s time to teach them a lesson.

Inside the tree house, a squirrel is swinging on the curtains.

Roger and Steve check into a ritzy hotel in New York. The two celebrate their freedom over lunch. Another local Langley Falls hairdresser sees them and they all share their stories of how they’re going to take over New York.

Francine leaves brownies at the tree house door step. The squirrels scarf them down.

Steve tries to get a job writing for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but Jon isn’t catching on to Steve’s humor.

Steve meets Roger at his job as a stock trader. Roger put all his money in a stock called, “SJP.” When the stock dies, Roger is shocked. He thinks he put his money into Sarah Jessica Parker, and that he’s partaking in the Hollywood Stock Exchange. They two begin to panic.

Roger and Steve don’t have much cash left, and the hotel throws them out. A storm moves in and soaks the two.

As it rains, Francine and Hayley ask Stan to go get Roger and Steve from the tree house. A bolt of lighting hits the tree house and it explodes into flames. Stan, Hayley and Francine run out screaming.

Steve and Roger are freezing. Roger uses their last twenty dollars for a pornographic magazine.

Hayley lays flowers at the base of the charred tree stump. Stan says hello to Francine, but she acts cold. Stan tells Francine that it has been three weeks and they should plan Steve’s funeral. Francine explodes in tears. Stan says they should use Steve’s college money and get away.

Steve and Roger resort to prostitution. Roger refuses to give up and go home.

Francine, Stan and Hayley party on a new boat moving on from Steve’s death.

As Roger and Steve leave their spot, they meet the hairdresser in his limo. He asks them to his hotel. At the hotel, Roger kicks up his feet and the hairdresser drags him into the bedroom. The hairdresser accuses Steve of being stupid. When Steve tries to leave, the hairdresser points out that Steve could be back in the street.

The hairdresser crosses the line and tells Steve that Stan is stupid. Steve attacks the hairdresser and takes enough cash from his wallet to get him and Roger home.

Steve returns home and Stan and Francine embrace him. Steve apologizes for calling Stan names and Stan welcomes his son home
17 Dec 06 The Best Christmas Story Never
The Smiths gather around the town square to watch the lighting of the town tree. Roger is drunk and complaining that he’s accomplished nothing during his sixty year stay on Earth. Greg and Terry announce that they have to cancel the celebration because the public town square is not a place for religious icons. Stan is furious about losing Christmas and needs his Christmas fill.

He takes them to the mall. Francine and the kids beg Stan to buy Roger a gift because he’s so depressed. Stan finds a 99-cent store. Stan finds a best-of disco from 1974 – 1980 cassette.

The Smiths decorate their home, and Stan rants about how the liberals and Jane Fonda ruined the Christmas spirit by making people wish each other “happy holidays.” Stan destroys the decorations in the house. Francine forces Stan to sleep on the couch.

That night, Stan is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past. She takes him to 1970, where he grew up. Stan sees himself as a child, opening toys. When the ghost mentions in 1970 Jane Fonda was filming a movie, Stan runs off to kill Jane Fonda.

Stan makes his way to the movie set.

Also that night, the Ghost of Christmas Past wakes up Francine and tells her that she lost Stan. The ghost tells Francine that she mentioned Jane Fonda and Francine knows exactly where he is.

Stan overhears Donald Sutherland telling Jane to get involved in politics and he knows Jane is no longer the target.

Stan shadows Donald to a fancy restaurant, and sneaks in as a waiter. Stan takes off his jacket, and the disco cassette falls out of his pocket. Working at the same restaurant, Roger in 1970 finds the tape where it fell. Stan checks the bathroom for Donald, instead he finds Martin Scorsese and gets him to kick his marijuana habit.

Francine and the ghost end up in prehistoric times.

Stan overhears Donald telling another woman to get into politics. Stan loads his gun, but before he can kill Donald, the ghost pulls him back. The ghost tells Stan that anything he does in the past could affect the future. She transports herself, Stan and Francine back into the Smith living room.

But the living room is changed. The furniture is stark and communist flags cover the walls. A Russian man with a gun chases them out of the house.

Out in the streets, a Soviet tank roars passed them. The ghost knows that Stan did something in the past and he changed the present. She makes him recap his trip to her. The ghost realizes that when Stan got Scorsese off drugs, he never made Taxi Driver and it changed a series of events that led to Walter Mondale getting into office and handing over America to the Soviets. Stan knows that he has to go back in time and make Taxi Driver.

Stan, Francine and the ghost return to 1974.

In 1974, Roger make millions of dollars using Stan’s lost tape to find the hits of the decade.

Stan directs Taxi Driver, but when DeNiro quits, Stan recasts him with John Wayne. Stan doesn’t care because John Hinckley only cares about Jodie Foster.

The ghost, Stan and Francine follow Hinckley to the movies. Hinckley doesn’t like the movie and doesn’t care about Foster. The ghost knows there’s only one thing left to do. The ghost takes them to 1981.

They wait outside the Hilton where Hinckley is supposed to shoot Reagan. But because of Stan’s meddling, Hinckley won’t be there and it’s up to Stan to shoot Reagan.

Roger roller skates around a party. His business manager calls to tell him that his latest record release is a failure and Roger is broke.

Stan refuses to shoot Reagan. Francine tells him that if he doesn’t shoot Reagan there will be no Christmas. Above that, the ghost explains that Stan might not even have a family, he may never meet Francine. Stan charges the press line, gun drawn…

…Francine sits up in bed. Stan runs to the window and asks a paperboy what day it is. The paperboy shouts back, “Christmas!” The family runs downstairs, happy that Stan fixed the past and that they can celebrate Christmas. Roger stumbles down, still drunk and ranting about how he created disco, but the family doesn’t believe him
7 Jan 07 Bush Comes to Dinner
Stan is in bed writing an essay about President Bush for a contest when he and Francine hear something downstairs. Stan grabs his shotgun from under his pillow and goes downstairs to see who made the sound. He sees a figure near the door and attacks. Before killing the person, he realizes it Hayley. She missed her curfew. Stan finds a flask of rum on Hayley and runs back upstairs to finish his essay before the midnight deadline.

In a dream, Steve imagines he is Luke Skywalker in a snowstorm. He wakes to find Roger has put him in a bath of ice. Roger is cooling him down so he can harvest his organs and sell them so he can make money to buy Dollywood.

Meanwhile, at the CIA, Stan finds out that he hasn’t won the Bush essay contest and Bush won’t be visiting him. Back at the house, Roger explains to Steve that he knows where Osama Bin Laden is hiding – he’s posing as an accountant in Washington DC. Roger plans to find him and use the reward money to buy Dollywood.

Stan is complaining to Francine about losing the contest when Hayley walks in. He blames his loss in the contest on her by labeling her a lost cause. As she opens the door to leave, the family sees President Bush standing at the door. Stan introduces Bush to the family. Stan invites Bush to stay for dinner and takes him on a tour of the family house. While on the tour, Roger, dressed up as a maid, tries to get Bush to listen to him about finding Bin Laden, and Hayley tries to get Bush to answer question about Iraq before being dart drugged by Stan.

At dinner, Hayley is drugged and Steve tells Bush he has something to tell him but Stan makes him help him take Hayley to the basement before he can say anything. Roger uses an autographed George Brett baseball to lure Bush upstairs and tells him he has something to say to him. Roger offers Bush a hot-pocket made from rhinestones, but Bush chokes on it. Roger gets him gin and scotch to wash it down.

Hayley escapes the basement and Roger and Bush come downstairs sharing bottles of liquor. Hayley gloats that Bush is drinking again and Stan tries to sober him up. Stan goes to get some coffee and when he comes back, Hayley has taken Bush partying with the intention of taking down the presidency. Stan hunts down Bush and Hayley. Bush is really drunk and acting crazy; Hayley is recording incriminating video on her cell phone, but Stan is trying to get him to go back so he can make his press conference. Roger and Steve set out to find Bush too so they can get the reward money.

While Bush runs around, Hayley and Stan drive after him, Stan confronts Hayley on being irresponsible and having rum. She denies the flask was hers. Bush escapes and goes for a skinny dip in a neighbor’s pool. Stan finds him and gives him his jacket so he’s not running around naked. Bush runs off. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve find a house they think is Osama’s and tie up the occupant.

Stan finally chases down Bush, and Bush confesses that he doesn’t enjoy the presidency and is going to step down. He tries to find his cell phone from his pocket, but since he’s wearing Stan’s jacket, pulls Stan’s essay out of a pocket instead. Bush reads Stan’s fawning essay and starts to feel happy again.

Roger and Steve torture the person they think is Osama but Steve has second thoughts and tells Roger their theory on Osama is wrong. Roger agrees with Steve and decides to rob the house instead. Back at the house, Bush, Stan and Hayley are at the front door finishing reading the essay when Hayley’s friends show up. Her friends mention her flask, so Stan says, “so it was your flask.” Then Hayley mentions to Bush that Stan called her a lost cause. Bush tells Stan that he was considered a lost cause but now he’s the President and therefore that Hayley can be considered to be on track to be President. Stan is pleased and Hayley deletes the video she has of Bush. Bush leaves to go to his press conference.
Finally, Roger’s theory about Osama proves to be correct
28 Jan 07 American Dream Factory
The good news at the CIA is that the staff is getting a ping pong table. The bad news is that it’s going to be put where Stan’s desk is, so Stan’s desk is moved to the restroom.

Stan gets home to find a man lurking in his front yard so he beats him up. Hayley tells him to stop beating up the man because he is the neighbors’ dog walker Paco. Stan asks to see his ID but Hayley informs him that Paco is an undocumented alien. Paco grabs the dog and runs away. Stan expresses his disgust at illegal aliens. Meanwhile, Roger is in the walking with an octopus in his hands when he sees Steve with his guitar. Realizing Steve’s guitar is more fun than the octopus, he asks Steve if he can have it. Steve says no and goes off to band practice. Stan comes in the front door and tells Francine that the neighbors have an illegal alien as an employee and that he is mad they moved his desk into the bathroom. Francine calls Stan a grumpasauras. Stan says he wants to start his own company but Francine doesn’t want to hear about it again. His teddy bear business can’t get on track because he can’t deliver the teddy bears by any holiday when the bears would sell so he decides to hire some help.

Steve’s band is practicing when they get a call to re-form for the Langley Falls Fourth of July Festival, but the band finds out their drummer has a drug problem. Stan is interviewing candidates for his teddy bear business but can’t find anyone to work for his low wages until Hayley walks in with Paco. She tells him they are dating and makes out with him in front of Stan. He says that no daughter of his is dating an illegal alien and rips his pocket. Paco runs over and sews up his pocket in a second. Stan is impressed and hires Paco for $2 an hour and two Mr. Pibbs a day.

Paco is doing a great job at making the bears and feels confident that he will be able to deliver them by the next holiday. Steve’s band is auditioning new drummers, so Roger disguises himself as Krispy Kreme McDonalds and rocks the audition. Despite Steve’s objections, the rest of the band wants to go with Krispy Kreme as their new drummer.

At the local gift shop, Stan’s teddy bears a flying off the shelves. The shop owner asks for 2000 more bears and Stan says he will have more for the Fourth of July. He asks Paco is he has any family that he can hire to help with such a large order. Paco replies that is Mexican and therefore has a large family that is willing to work.

Stan is looking over his garage filled with illegal immigrant laborers with pleasure. Francine comes in with groceries and Stan has two of the laborers help her with them. Francie tells Stan Patti LaBelle has come to see him. Stan introduces himself and Patti tells him how much she loves his bears. She says that she wants to sell them on her TV home shopping show. Francine walks in with the two laborers, ordering them around in front of Patti. Steve’s band is practicing a new song when Krispy Kreme says that Steve’s song is hacky. Steve tells him to try doing his own song but he can’t.

On Patti LaBelle’s home shopping show, Stan is introducing his bears. Patti brings on a disabled child and tells Stan to give him a bear to try to heal him. The child falls out of his wheelchair trying to grab the bear. Stan pretends that the child said the bear failed to heal him because the viewers didn’t buy enough bears.

The next day at the house, Stan is pleased that his business is going so well. Francine is taking advantage of the laborers by having them drop potato chips on the floor in front of her. Stan goes to garage to find the laborers not working so he asks Paco. Paco says it’s because he was out late with Hayley. Stan tells him he has a big future and that if he works hard for 10 years, he can earn $5 an hour and have seven Mr. Pibbs a day. He is ecstatic and the other Mexicans go crazy. Steve goes to band practice to find that the band has left his band to form a new band with Roger AKA Krispy Kreme McDonalds. The new band plays covers of public domain songs. Steve is mad so he goes to complain to Francine. Meanwhile, Paco tells Hayley he can’t date her because he has to work harder. She gets mad and tells him she is going to get revenge. Later, the INS shows up and tells Stan they have received a tip that he has hired illegal aliens. Stan has hid them so well that the INS agent can’t find them, but as he is leaving he finds a chip on the floor. Stan feels the heat from the INS so he decides to hide the laborers in a CIA warehouse. He tries to sneak the Mexicans out in a van at night but is stopped by the INS. Stan lies and tells them that the Mexicans are there to help Steve play at the Fourth of July festival. The INS agent agrees to let them play at the festival before he takes them in.

At the festival, Roger’s band is playing but no one likes them. Steve comes on to play with the Mexicans and they play “Country Roads” by John Denver, while Francine and Stan devise a plan to get out of trouble with the INS. Stan realizes that Paco and his family love the USA and tries to help Paco and his family escape the INS. The band finishes playing and the crowd goes crazy. Stan creates a diversion by giving out all of his Fourth of July bears and drives away with the Mexicans. He takes them to West Virginia so they can be free.
11 Feb 07 A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial
Steve is on the couch quizzing himself on the periodic table when a fresh from the drier Roger comes up to him and tries to get him to watch a spousal abuse movie on Lifetime Network. Steve says he can’t because he’s studying for the science club. Roger turns on the movie anyways.

In the car, Stan is calling Francine fat. She says there is nothing he can do to make her forget what he has said, so he drives her to the Mr. Pibb factory and she forgets all about it. They reminisce how Mr. Pibb has gotten them through some hard times. At the Pibb factory tour, the tour guide Bob is bored to see them again.

Back home, Steve is working on a chemistry project when Roger forces his help upon him. Roger ruins the project and Steve tells him he doesn’t want to see him anymore. Roger goes up to the attic and cries.

At the Mr. Pibb factory, Bob is taking Francine and Stan on another tour of the factory when Bob tells them that Mr. Pibb is being discontinued. Stan and Francine vow to start a grassroots campaign to save Mr. Pibb. They decide to get a million signatures on a petition to the maker of Mr. Pibb to save the brand. Francine asks how they can make a difference and Stan tells her that they have help in the form of the Pibbmobile which they see in the factory parking lot.

Roger is out on a bender and ends up in a child’s backyard shed. The kid finds him and is ecstatic to find that he has his own alien. The kid takes him into his house while Roger is still waking up from his hangover. Roger tries to go home, but the kid promises to be his friend, so Roger decides to stay.

Stan and Francine steal the Pibbmobile and go around the city trying to spread the gospel of Mr. Pibb.

Stan is waiting sadly in Roger’s attic when Roger comes home and tells him that he has found a new boy to be his friend. Stan wants Roger back but Roger doesn’t want Stan back.

Roger and his new friend Henry are playing video games and Roger is lapping it up. He says Steve is always too busy for him. Roger wants to play other games but Henry wants to play video games. He pushes Roger hard against the wall. Henry apologizes and starts crying so Roger forgives him.

Stan and Francine are having a televised press conference to promote Mr. Pibb when the brass at Mr. Pibb Company see him and find out that the Pibbmobile has been stolen.

Roger and Henry are hanging out when Roger decides to go home. Henry thinks Roger is going to hang out with Steve, so he gets jealous and tells Roger he needs to be taught a lesson and takes him into the shed to beat him. At home, Roger is wearing sunglasses to hide his black eyes when Steve sees him on the couch. Roger makes excuses for Henry but Steve isn’t buying it. Henry comes over and Roger is excited to see him, but Steve tells Henry to stay away. Roger goes with Henry anyways.

Steve is crying in the kitchen when Hayley asks him why. He says it’s because Roger wants to be with Henry. Hayley explains the intricacies of codependency to Steve.

At the Naval Academy graduation, Stan is giving the graduation speech honoring Mr. Pibb when the Mr. Pibb executives tell him he can’t make pronouncements on behalf of their product. They demand he give back the Pibbmobile. Francine agrees to the demands but they drive away in the Pibbmobile before they executive catch them.

Steve gets a call from Roger who is at Henry’s house. Roger tells Steve to come over because Henry is being abusive and is threatening to kill him. Steve comes over and gives Roger a plan to break away from Henry. Later, Roger is pretending to die and tells Henry he has called his fellow aliens to pick him up.

At the house, the Mr. Pibb executives show up with the actual man Mr. Pibb. He tells them that he needs to let go of Mr. Pibb and that he should try there new product – Pibb Xtra! Stan realizes that he isn’t in love with Mr. Pibb, he’s in love with drinking soft drinks with Francine. The executives look around for the Pibbmobile but it’s nowhere to be found.

At a clearing in the woods, Henry is waiting with Roger for the aliens to pick him up. Steve pulls up in the Pibbmobile which he has disguised as a spaceship. Henry almost buys it but he quickly realizes that the spaceship is a ruse. Henry promises Roger he will treat him better but Steve tells him that Roger is his best friend. Roger is touched but Henry yells at him to go with him. Roger punches him in the stomach and goes home with Steve.

Courtesy of FOX]]> Fri, 19 Jan 2007 13:40:16 tvcentralgavin Season One Episode Guide (2005 - 2006) /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169213611/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169213611/#num1 Season One Episode Guide (2005 - 2006)

1. Feb 06, 2005: Pilot
Morning in the Smith household. Hayley yells at her brother Steve to be quiet, and he mocks her for needing quiet to study for a community college test. Mom Francine intervenes, which talking fish Klaus finds to be incredibly hot. Klaus, you see, has the brain of a German athlete. Patriarch Stan comes down for breakfast, followed closely by Roger, a fat alien who the family has to keep a secret.

Stan warns the family that the nation is at terror alert orange, so they’d better stay sharp. Liberal Hayley complains that the terror alert system is just a way to keep the masses paralyzed in fear. Steve announces that he plans to ask out Lisa Silver, the hottest cheerleader in his school. After Roger’s chair breaks, Francine decides to put him on a diet.

At school, Steve makes his move, but Lisa punches him in the face. On the way home, Steve sees a guy pick up a chick who likes his dog. He decides he needs a dog. Stan doesn’t go for a dog at first, but Francine talks him into it. Later, Stan shows up with a dog from the pound. The dog is 19 years old and minutes from death.

That night, Roger is desperately searching the kitchen for snack treats when he accidentally knocks over a glass. Hearing the noise, Stan heads downstairs with his gun to make sure Osama bin Laden isn’t invading the house. In the dark, Stan shoots and kills Steve’s new/old dog. The next day, while burying the dog, Steve laments that he’ll never get a girl. Bragging that he’s a fantastic ladies man, Stan volunteers to help his son. They head to the mall. Stan plans on snatching a girl’s purse, so Steve can tackle him. But after grabbing it, Stan’s instincts kick in and he barges through the mall and escapes to safety.

Back home, Roger overhears Hayley’s boyfriend asking her to hang out. Problem is, she has a term paper due. Roger offers to do her papers in exchange for snack foods. Downstairs, Stan is holding Hilary Duff hostage to eat dinner with Steve, but she runs out. Stan is baffled by Steve’s struggles to get a chick, but Roger points out that Steve isn’t nearly as powerful as Stan. So Stan decides to rig the high school election and get Steve in as president. Steve wins easily.

Hayley gives Roger a poli-sci paper to do in exchange for some churros. Steve, meanwhile, lands a date with Lisa Silver thanks to his newfound power. Which he quickly begins to abuse, taking over the principal’s office and bossing people around. Morning comes, and Roger awakes to find that he never started Hayley’s paper because of a sugar crash. Roger has Hayley show her teacher Steve’s dead dog, getting herself an extension.

School isn’t all great, though, as Lisa Silver refuses to kiss Steve. Turns out she’s only using him for the associated power. Enraged, Steve bans any PDA in the school. Stan gets a call from the school principal that his son is mad with power. Stan storms the school, dropping in through the roof to talk to his son. After Stan shows Steve an ugly picture of himself in high school, Steve feels better about his looks. Stan also has Lisa Silver and her family deported
2. May 01, 2005: Threat Levels
The terror alert level is lowered to blue and Stan is rewarded with a half day off from work. But when he accidentally brings home a thermos of bio-hazardous material rather than his soup, the family is quarantined inside their home. A CIA expert tells the family they have 20 hours before their insides liquefy.

Hayley, who had been out helping the homeless, is given a biosuit to visit the family one last time. When she’s inside, Steve rips her oxygen tube out, exposing her. She’s stuck in the house as well. Roger begins measuring the house so he can redecorate after the Smiths die, since he’s immune to human diseases.

The Smiths pass the time by watching the entire first season of 24 on DVD. The deadline comes and the Smiths survive. The virus was inert. After the scare, Francine, realizing that she hasn’t done enough with her life, decides to become a real estate agent. Stan pulls some CIA strings and gets Francine the job.

But when Stan sees that Francine’s first commission check is for more than he makes in a month, he isn’t happy. Stan’s co-workers say his manhood is at stake, making things worse. He and his CIA pals shut down Francine’s real estate company.

Steve, meanwhile, is scheming a way to make money to buy a GameStation. He decides to film a Girls Gone Wild-style video in an empty house his mother has on the market. But it seems that Hayley has already turned it into a homeless shelter. So Steve changes his plan into a series of Bumfights-like videos.

Francine continues selling real estate, now out of her home. Stan orders her to quit, but she fights back. Upset, Stan takes a walk and comes across Steve and Hayley’s homeless house. Stan decides to take control of the fighting so he can make more money than Francine. The cash begins to pour in until Hayley unionizes the fighters. To keep the ticket money, Stan is going to have to fight one of the bums himself.

The fight starts and Stan gets pummeled by a huge bum. Francine is showing the house to a prospective couple when they come across the fight. Francine jumps in to stop the fight and Stan takes the opportunity to drop the bum with a phantom punch. Steve and Hayley then tell Stan that they bet everything on Stan, then paid an actor to play a bum fighter and take a fall. Francine explains to Stan that they’re equals and he shouldn’t feel threatened by her job.

But in the end, news of a 20% interest hike comes in and every real estate agent in the country is put out of work. Stan then gives his team instructions to release Alan Greenspan’s dog since Greenspan hiked interest rates
3. May 08, 2005: Stan Knows Best
Stan is playing “Name the Gun Part” with the family when Hayley enters with her hair dyed green. Stan orders her to wash it out, but she just brushes him off. During the night, Stan cuts all of Hayley’s hair off. After a day of arguing, Hayley heads out on a date, wearing a new wig. Francine suggests that Stan invite Hayley’s boyfriend, Jeff, over for dinner to get to know him.

Meanwhile, at school, Steve bets his friends that not only will he get a date for the upcoming dance, he’ll get boob. And he’ll even bring the bra back to prove it. That night, Stan, Francine, Jeff and Hayley have dinner. Later, at a party, Jeff asks Hayley to move in with him. Hayley resists, but when Stan has his CIA buddies storm the party and kidnap Hayley to bring her home, she decides she’s had enough. She’s moving in with Jeff. Which seems great, until she finds out Jeff lives in his van. The van breaks down, leaving them stuck outside the Smith house.

Francine orders Stan to apologize so Hayley will move back home. He can’t apologize, so Stan sets out to remind Hayley how much fun living at home was. Elsewhere, Steve isn’t making much progress with his bra hunt. When he sees another guy picking up chicks, he’s confused until he learns that the guy is using the sympathy card by mentioning how his brother lost his arm in ski lift.

Stan is still having no luck in getting Hayley to move back home, so he decides to confiscate her credit card and cut her off from the family funds. At home, Steve is tutoring a girl, Kim, when he casually mentions his sister’s accident. Claiming that his sister was burned on over 98% of her body, Steve brings Kim into Hayley’s room, where Roger is lying in bed. Impressed by Steve’s compassion when he spreads salve on his “sister’s” body, Kim agrees to go to the dance with him.

Desperate for money to pay for her community college classes, Hayley becomes a stripper. Stan and some coworkers visit the strip club for the lunch buffet and that’s when he sees Hayley dancing.

Kim shows up at the Smiths two hours before the dance to fool around, but first asks to see Steve’s sister again. Roger loves getting a makeover from Kim. Back at the strip club, Stan grabs Hayley by the arm to take her home, but the other strippers leap to her defense. A huge kung fu battle ensues, with Stan taking on dozens of kung fu strippers.

Steve, meanwhile, only has twenty minutes left until the dance and Roger is still playing dress up with Kim. Frustrated, Steve whispers to Roger that he just needs to lie in bed and look ugly. Feeling ugly, Roger yells that Steve wants to keep him in the attic. Kim leaves in disgust. But at least Roger got her bra first.

The kung fu strip club is still going strong until Francine comes in and interrupts. She implores Stan to listen to Hayley and support her. So Stan and Francine take front row seats during Hayley’s next dance and throw money at her. Before leaving, they tell Hayley she can come back home anytime. Hayley’s happy to hear it, but also loves the money, so she continues stripping. At least until her wig falls off and the customers boo her off the stage
4. May 15, 2005: Francine's Flashback
Morning breaks and Francine greets Stan in lingerie while carrying his breakfast to the bed. She asks Stan if he knows what today is and Stan gets excited about the CIA fishing trip. He scarfs down the breakfast and throws the dishes on the bed. Francine is outraged that Stan forgot their anniversary.

Jeff, meanwhile, wants to take Hayley to Burning Man, but she’s not interested. Down at the mall, Steve and friends see the very attractive Lindsay in the food court. Snot dares Steve to ask her out and Lindsay agrees on one condition. Steve finds a date for her friend Jewel, a huge, hairy girl. Steve’s friends run away at the sight of her.

At home, Roger puts on a tape of COPS from last year, when the police had to break up Francine pummeling Stan for forgetting their anniversary. Out on the boat, Stan finally realizes what day it is and heads home, terrified. When he arrives home, Francine wants nothing to do with him. Stan gasses her, and then takes her into CIA headquarters to have her memory erased.

But instead of erasing the last 20 hours, the technician erases the last 20 years. Francine thinks it’s 1985 and she’s a Def Leppard groupie again. Back at home, Francine comes to and is freaked out by her family, not recognizing any of them. Stan tells the family that they have to maintain the illusion that Francine is 18 or her brain might implode. Stan puts Francine back in her old apartment and tells Hayley to be her roommate.

While Steve is busy begging friends to date Jewel, Francine comes to across town. Thinking she just woke up after a concert, Francine inadvertently reveals to Hayley that she used to be a party girl. Stan, meanwhile, is explaining to Roger how she and Francine first met. He picked her up as a hitchhiker, accidentally hit a small critter, and then shot it to put it out of its misery. Roger advises Stan to recreate the moment to bring back Francine’s memory.

Stan gets Hayley to abandon Francine so he can pick her up on the road. He then tries to hit a raccoon, but misses. He tries to shoot it, but Francine pushes the gun away. Stan gets in the car and tries to run down the animal. After a long, elaborate chase, the raccoon ends up in a speedboat that crashes into gas tanks and explodes. Francine runs off and gets picked up by a truck driver.

Steve dresses Roger up as a Rastafarian to give Jewel a date. Roger tries to run off when he sees Jewel, but Roger stops him. Jewel immediately takes to Roger, which freaks Roger out. But that leads to success for Steve because Lindsay likes seeing Jewel happy. Elsewhere, Stan wants to show Francine a flower from their honeymoon to trigger her memory, but she’s left for Burning Man with Jeff. Stan and Hayley take off after them.

Back at the Smith house, Jewel tries to kiss Roger and finds out that he’s an alien. Lindsay is warming up to Steve, when Jewel tries to run out. Roger hits Jewel and Lindsay with a frying pan to knock them out before they can spill the secret.

The next morning, Stan finds Francine and shows her the flower. But it does nothing for her. She thinks Stan is a stiff she could never love, so he strips his clothes off. Just then, a hang glider crashes into the giant man, knocking it on Francine. Stan saves her, and then kisses her, which finally triggers her memory. Stan, Francine and Hayley arrive home to find Jewel and Lindsay bound and gagged. Stan takes them into CIA HQ for a memory cleanse
5. Jun 05, 2005: Rodger Codger
Stan goes through a training session and thinks he did amazingly, but Deputy Director Bullock introduces Stan to Agent Duper, who went through the course even faster. At home, Francine is conducting her Bible study class for young children when Hayley comes home with her boyfriend, Jeff. Hayley mocks the existence of God in front of the kids, and then heads upstairs.

That night, Stan is complaining about Agent Duper when Francine suggests inviting Bullock over for a kiss-up dinner. Soon enough, it’s dinner time. Stan shoos Roger up into the attic before welcoming Bullock into the house. Impressed by Stan’s attempts to discredit Duper, Bullock wants to discuss a promotion for Stan. But before he can, Stan notices Roger in the kitchen. Stan quickly ushers Roger into the bathroom, where he begins to expel goo. Thinking Stan is under attack, Bullock bursts into the bathroom, slips on the goo and conks his head. Later, Stan yells at Roger for being such a burden. Roger spasms and then collapses on the floor. Stan thinks he’s acting, so the family leaves him on the floor all night.

The next morning, the family realizes that Roger is dead. Stan dumps Roger’s body in a fast food Dumpster. Eventually, Roger comes to at the dump. Upset that he was dumped into the trash after falling into a stress-induced hibernation cycle, Roger finds some discarded clothes and sets off for home.

Upset at Roger’s death, Francine goes to her church and asks the reverend to say a prayer for her…“pet.” The reverend callously explains that pets aren’t allowed into heaven, further upsetting Francine. Meanwhile, as he’s walking home, Roger is corralled by a volunteer who thinks Roger is Mrs. Nessbaum, a woman from the Dignity Towers Retirement Home. The volunteer quickly ushers Roger onto the home’s shuttle, which is headed for D.C.

During the next Bible class, Francine starts telling the kids that God doesn’t exist. Over at CIA HQ, Bullock presents the group with surveillance footage of the White House and says they have to find the people that were harboring the alien so they can punish them. Roger was spotted in the tour group. Stan rushes out to find him. While driving, Stan receives an angry, drunken phone call from Roger. Stan decides he has to kill Roger to save his family from CIA wrath.

Desperate, Roger calls home and asks Hayley to rescue him from the Smithsonian. Hayley asks Francine to drive her to the Smithsonian for something that will restore her faith. Stan gets to the museum and sees CIA agents outside. He rushes inside to beat them and finds Roger at the same time as the rest of his family. Rogers runs, setting off a race through the exhibits. Stan finally corners Roger in a closet, and they’re quickly closed in on by the CIA. Stan is about to shoot Roger when he realizes his feelings are getting in the way. So Stan takes an old woman from Roger’s tour group, takes off her wig so she looks like an alien and hands her over to the CIA.
6. Jun 12, 2005: Homeland Insecurity
After finding out a neighbor has been dead for six months, Francine worries that she’s become out of touch with her friends. She wants to throw a party to reconnect with old friends, but knows that Stan running background checks and security clearances on everybody makes party guests uncomfortable. Feeling slightly shamed, Stan promises to ease up and be fun for Francine’s party.

Stan and Francine pass out invitations throughout the neighborhood. Stan is doing fine until they come to the house of Bob and Linda Memari, folks of Iranian descent. Wanting his son to be prepared now that foreigners have invaded the neighborhood, Stan signs Steve up for the Scouts. But the Scout clubhouse turns out to be a front for a place where kids can drink, smoke and gamble.

The block party is underway. Stan has fully armed himself under his clothes. Stan is about to probe Bob Memari until he realizes that they’ll both use any excuse they think of to avoid an annoying neighborhood. Stan and Bob bond over the deception. Elsewhere, Steve is taking his vows to join the dirty Scouts when he accidentally burns down a gazebo. His new friends love it. Back at the party, Stan sees the smoke from the gazebo in the distance and thinks the neighborhood is under attack. He starts firing into the air, ruining the party.

Francine yells at Stan for stopping her from making friends and Hayley yells at him for racially profiling the Memaris. So Stan tries to dig up evidence on them. But when he breaks into their house to swat a fly away from a security camera he set up, Stan is thrown in jail.

Steve’s new Scout friends steal the tires of a parked car and roll them into traffic, causing an accident. They give Steve a tire to roll, but he balks. The Scouts question his loyalty. Now out of jail, Stan invites the Memaris over for brunch. But only a ruse so Stan can lock them up in a detention center he’s built in the backyard. Upstairs, Steve tells Roger he’s going to run away to avoid the Scouts.

Outside, Hayley has rallied the neighbors. They storm the house to free the Memaris. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger are heading out of town when the other Scouts see them. A bicycle chase ensues, with Steve and Roger crashes into a power station. When power to the neighborhood goes out, Stan thinks it’s another attack. He locks the entire neighborhood in the backyard. And when the Scouts find out that Steve cut power to everybody, they ditch him for going too far.

Upset about the neighbors being locked up, Francine and Hayley save the day by turning it into a terrorist camp pool party. The police show up with a Stan Smith CIA sweatshirt that was found at the power station. Not knowing Roger was wearing it, Stan thinks he was brainwashed, so he takes himself into the shed and tortures himself for information. With everybody enjoying the sudden party, Francine thanks Stan for inadvertently working everything out
7. Jun 19, 2005: Deacon Stan, Jesus Man
Stan is spying on his neighbor, Chuck White, desperate to beat him to church for once. Chuck gets a good start, so Stan races to the church like a madman. But Chuck still beats him to the shady parking spot. At church, the deacon chokes on a communion wafer. When Chuck volunteers to be the next deacon, Stan also volunteers. An election is necessary.

That night, Francine makes potato salad for the deacon’s wake. But when Roger eats it all by mistake, he has to whip up a new batch. At the wake, the potato salad is such a hit, everybody supports Stan for deacon. Francine is confused. The potato salad had a secret ingredient she didn’t put in. Later, Roger explains that he’s going through his reproductive cycle and he accidentally lactated into the potato salad when he was making it.

Worried about the secret getting out, Stan enlists Karl Rove to run his campaign. Rove suggests serving as much potato salad as possible. Stan milks Roger to get more of the secret sauce. Meanwhile, Steve is trying to cozy up to Betsy, Chuck White’s gymnast daughter. At a church event, Stan runs out of potato salad. His supporters immediately disappear. Rove orders Stan to never make that mistake again. Betsy’s mom, meanwhile, has banned her from ever seeing Steve again after catching Steve and Betsy holding hands.

After Klaus tells Stan that Roger lactates more after eating, Stan hooks Roger up to a homemade contraption that continually feeds and milks him. But it breaks under the weight. Steve gives Roger CPR to make sure he’s okay. The next day, Stan wins the election. Roger’s feeling better, his reproductive cycle over. And Steve…finds out that he’s pregnant. Roger thinks Steve sucked out his egg during CPR. Stan has to keep this secret from the parish. But Francine advises Stan to be a father to his son.

Stan rents a camper and takes the family down to Mexico to get Steve a certain surgical procedure. But when Steve says he’ll have the procedure so his dad can beat Chuck White, Stan thinks he’s a terrible person and tells Steve to keep the baby. Back at home, Betsy climbs a tree so she can kiss Steve through the window. The next Sunday, Stan resigns his deaconship. Meanwhile, Steve finds that he’s no longer pregnant. Roger asks who he’s been kissing now. Steve runs outside to find a pregnant Betsy being shoved into a cab by her disappointed parents
8. 11 Sep 05 Bullocks To Stan
When a colleague leaves for health reasons, Stan assumes he’ll be promoted to the job. Meanwhile, Hayley takes Jeff out on a breakup hike. She complains that he agrees with her too much and doesn’t challenge her. At home, Stan prepares for the CIA family carnival, figuring it’s his chance to impress Director Bullock and secure his promotion.

At the carnival, Steve finds Dick Cheney’s Blackberry. And Stan is talking to Bullock when Hayley approaches. Bullock and Hayley begin mocking each other’s views, and Stan doesn’t defend his daughter. Later, Steve and Roger begin playing with Cheney’s Blackberry.

The next day, Stan visits Bullock at home, only to find Hayley there, wearing a robe and drinking coffee. She and Bullock hooked up. Hayley tells Stan that she likes how Bullock challenges her. Stan is about to explode, but Bullock says it’s time to start discussing his promotion.

At the office, Stan quickly tires of hearing his colleagues discuss Bullock’s new girlfriend. He’s about to tell Bullock off, but the idea of the promotion again stops him short. Later that night, Francine yells at Stan for not telling Bullock off. She says if Stan doesn’t say something, she will. Seeing Jeff on the front lawn pleading for Hayley back, Stan decides he’ll turn Jeff into a man so he can get Hayley back from Bullock.

But the next morning, Bullock comes down for breakfast at Stan’s house. Stan is about to kill Bullock, but Bullock says he’s going to officially announce Stan’s promotion today. But during the Congressional announcement, Hayley calls Bullock and dumps him for Jeff. Outside, Bullock tells Stan that if he kills Jeff, he’ll give Stan the promotion.

Back at home, Stan orders Hayley to get back together with Bullock. She refuses, so Stan and Bullock take Jeff hunting. But mainly so they can kill him. When they offer to give Jeff a thirty second head start, Jeff jumps in Stan’s car and drives off. He frantically calls Hayley and asks her to save him. Bullock and Stan catch up with Jeff at a diner, and Hayley rushes in at the same time. Bullock throws Jeff into a wall, and Hayley makes it clear that it’s over with Bullock.

Bullock calls Hayley a slut and Stan and Bullock begin fighting. Stan gets the upper hand and is about to kill Bullock when Bullock claims that Stan passed the test. He says he staged the whole thing as an elaborate trial before promoting Stan. Hayley tells Stan not to believe it, but he’s happy enough to get the promotion that he doesn’t care.
9. 18 Sep 05 A Smith In The Hand
Hayley criticizes Roger for sitting on his ass all day, which leads to a fight. Steve comes in and asks his father to sign a permission slip to allow him to join sex education at school. Stan and Francine talk to Steve’s principal about the class. Stan demands that a wholesome, family-friendly alternative to sex ed is offered, and Stan ends up teaching the class. Which only Steve enrolls in.

Stan tells Steve that he doesn’t need to know or wonder anything about sex. That night at home, Steve says he still has more questions. And Roger announces that he’s decided to get his bartending license. Upstairs, Stan tells Steve that if he has sex before marriage, angels will kill him. But this won’t be hard, because he won’t get urges before then. Steve wonders about masturbation, so Stan plays a filmstrip for him in which a young boy touches himself, then screams as his eyeballs melt.

Stan then introducing Steve to hobbying as a way to keep idle hands busy and avoid self-pleasure. First up is woodburning. Stan places a board in his lap and tells Steve to burn it. But Steve misses and severely burns Stan’s crotch. Francine gives him a balm for the burn, but Stan doesn’t know how to apply it. He calls the CIA doctor, who’s in the middle of heart surgery on Dick Cheney. He tells Stan to apply the balm manually to the afflicted area. Cheney begins dying and the doctor begins shouting at him. Stan thinks the doctors is yelling at him and begins tugging on himself, eventually getting himself off for the first time ever.

Stan spends the next two days constantly pleasuring himself. Meanwhile, Roger has set up a bar in the attic. The next morning, Francine is driving Steve to school when she realizes she forgot to put on underwear. They turn around and head home, where Steve is about to have yet another round. Francine is about to catch Stan in the act when he hears a floorboard creak. He turns to face the window, then walks into the closet, never turning around. In the closet alone, Stan sees Timmy, the young boy whose eyes melted. Timmy advises him to not get caught.

Stan checks into a seedy motel by himself. At home, Francine is finishing up her spring cleaning, which always makes her hot. Stan comes in and tries to avoid his marital duties with her. She sees a plastic surgeon about some sprucing up. And Stan starts jonesing, having used up all of his prescription ointment. He desperately throws himself back into his hobbies, hoping it’ll fill the void. But it doesn’t, so he decides to go one last round.

Steve, who’s cleaning the gutters, looks in the bedroom window and catches Stan. Steve retreats to Roger’s bar to drink away the pain. Stan comes to do the same, and they have a talk. Steve calls Stan a hypocrite, but Stan says TV forced him to do it. Stan takes Steve to go save America from TV’s dirty influence. A special Senate committee gives Stan full control of the airwaves in Langley Falls.

Up in Roger’s bar, Francine is complaining that Stan is ignoring her. Roger breaks the news that Stan’s been abusing himself recently and Steve caught him redhanded. Down at the local TV station, Stan and Steve are doing family friendly programming. Francine comes in and tells Steve the urges he’s feeling are natural. Stan finally agrees and gives Steve a talk about the bird and bees. In incredibly filthy detail. On live TV.
10. 25 Sep 05 All About Steve
Bullocks is choppered to the top of a dam, where Stan informs him that cyber terrorists have hacked into the dam’s computers and shut it down, causing statewide blackouts. Stan hands Bullock a faxed note, which is written in a language neither of them has seen before. The CIA’s best codebreaker is flown in, but his chopper crashes into the dam and he dies.

Not sure what to do, the agents break for softball practice. At the practice, other agents start bragging about their strong and athletic sons. At home, Steve is playing Magick: The Gathering in the basement. Roger is about to serve the boys drinks when Hayley stops him. Roger is becoming desperate to socialize with humans, so Hayley promises to help him figure out a safe way to do so.

Stan takes Steve to the batting cages. Every pitch hits Steve in the face. Later, Stan offers to take Steve to a baseball game, but it’s the same day as a sci-fi convention. Stan takes Steve and his three nerdy friends to the game. At the game, Steve and his friends take off their jackets to reveal Star Trek uniforms. Fearing his son is a geek, Stan runs away in horror. Running all the way home, Stan runs into Steve’s bedroom, sees all of the geek toys and cries out in agony.

Meanwhile, Hayley has Roger out on the street wearing a giant juice cup and handing out flyers. This after she took him to the beach earlier wearing a burkha. At home the next morning, Stan tells Steve that the father/son softball game has been rained out. Then he heads off to the game with a black teenager, Darnelle, he found at the batting cages. At the same time, Steve goes outside and sees that his dad rigged a rain machine over Steve’s window. Steve rushes over to the softball field just in time to see Stan call Darnelle son.

Out on the street, Roger is accosted by a man in a giant taco costume who accuses Roger of stealing his business. The taco begins pummeling Roger. Stan comes home from the game and finds Steve waiting for him in the dining room. Steve tells him off. Then he finds Francine waiting for in the kitchen. She does the same. Then he finds Roger waiting for him in the bathroom. Roger tells him he got beat up by a taco. Stan begins grinding his teeth, so hard that a tooth pops out.

The next day, the dentist tells Stan he needs braces. Over at Langley, the agents are mocking Stan’s new braces and stress rash. They’re treating him like a regular geek, they are! The agents then ditch Stan using the same rain trick he used on Steve. At home, Francine tells Stan that now he knows how he made Steve feel. Stan heads down to the basement to apologize to Steve. Steve doesn’t want to hear it, and lays an elf curse card on Stan. Stan immediately recognizes the writing as being the same as the terrorist’s note.

Stan begs Steve to help him translate the note and he agrees. The boys start pouring over the notes. Steve sees “From the desk of Steve Vevver.” Recognizing Steve Vevver as a contributing editor to Wizards and Shut-Ins magazine, the group races over to the science fiction convention. As they go, Hayley realizes that would be the perfect place for Roger to meet people. At the convention, the guys look for Vevver. And Roger roams around, enjoying being out in the open. Which causes problems when a man named Kurt recognizes Roger as the alien who once kidnapped and probed him. Roger blows him off.

During a panel discussion on Star Wars vs. Lord of the Rings, Vevver is speaking when Stan barges in. Vevver tells the crowd that Stan is the man who convinced Lucas to not release the original, untouched version of Star Wars on DVD, and the crowd attacks, allowing Vevver to escape. Stan quickly fights them off and runs after Vevver, capturing him with Steve’s help.
11. 02 Oct 05 Con Heir
Bullock tells Stan that they’ve found an Al Qaeda training camp in remote Algeria. The CIA is going to infiltrate the camp. Stan is excited to go, but Bullock tells him that because he’s a family man, he has to stay back in Langley and book their flights.

At home, Steve is sitting on the couch with his grandpa when Roger walks in. Roger tells Grandpa that he’s just a faded memory. Stan comes home, complaining about how his career is stalled. Francine says he at least has a loving family, but that isn’t enough for Stan. He’s a killing machine. Francine advises Stan to talk to Bullock. Stan decides he’ll put a bomb in Bullock’s office and defuse it to show what he’s got.

The next day, Bullock finds the bomb. Stan pulls out his instruction to defuse it, but his glasses fall off his face and break. Agent Duper comes in and save the day. Stan comes home and again complains, but Steve has bigger news. Grandpa is dead. At the funeral, super spy Jack Smith choppers in. Stan introduces him to the family as Stan’s real father. The family is outraged that Stan hid this secret. But Stan is thrilled to have his real dad back. He’s also excited to hear Jack’s stories about working for the super-secret Scarlet Alliance.

Steve is cleaning out his fake grandpa’s apartment at the retirement home when an old friend, Gretchen, drops by. They briefly share memories, then start making out. That night, Francine is frustrated by Stan’s unabashed admiration of his father. At the same time, Roger is raving about him to Hayley. Roger is developing quite the crush.

The next day, Jack tells Stan he’s retiring and asks Stan to take his place. If he can help Jack complete one last mission in Langley Falls, the job is Stan’s. Jack goes over the mission with Stan. They have to break into the National Gallery of Art because terrorist have smuggled uranium into the country inside Egyptian artwork. Jack and Stan have to get the uranium before the terrorists do.

The FBI drops by the Smith household. Francine answers the door. They tell her they’re looking for a jewel thief. Jack fits the physical description perfectly. Later, while Stan is exercising outside, Francine confronts Jack about his real identity. She says if he doesn’t Stan the truth, she will.

Meanwhile, Steve tells his school friends about his torrid affair with Gretchen. At home that night, Stan tells Francine that Jack told him the truth. Francine’s a spy. Stan tasers her and jails her in a Plexiglas box in the basement. Steve drops by the retirement home for another bout with Gretchen. But when he gets inside, he sees Snot’s jeans hanging on a chair. Steve is heartbroken.

Jack and Steve begin their break-in. And Roger finds Francine in her clear jail. He’s about to let her out when she says Jack told Stan she was a spy. Roger’s mancrush kicks in and he leaves Francine in the basement. Back at the museum, Jack and Stan break into the vault. Stan starts looking for the uranium, but Jack just collects valuables. Stan realizes Francine was right. He tells Jack he’s not going to run off to an island with him. Jack locks him in the vault and takes off.

Stan escapes from the vault and finds Jack outside. A chase ensues. Stan catches Jack before too long. Jack apologizes, so Stan takes the jewels and him free. Stan rushes home and apologizes to Francine.
12. 6 Nov 05 Stan of Arabia (Part 1)
Stan and his cohorts meet at a park to discuss planning a surprise 25 th anniversary for Bullock. Bullock, of course, is spying on them and Stan takes all of the credit for the party idea. Bullock is pleased. At home, Stan tells Francine the good news. She’s in charge of planning Bullock’s party for Saturday. Except that’s the same night Francine is appearing in a play.

Meanwhile, Hayley and Steve take in the new Michael Moore movie, which features him making love to Angelina Jolie. Hayley is outraged by his selling out. It’s Saturday night. Stan is getting ready for the party. Francine is dressed for her play. She’s ignoring Stan’s demands, declaring marriage to be an equal partnership.

At the party, Stan accidentally kills Jay Leno and has to perform the roast by himself. It goes horribly wrong and Stan is thrown out. Then Stan begins singing a song about how he doesn’t want an equal partner, he wants a wife who will listen to his every demand.

The next day, Bullock relocates Stan and his family to Saudi Arabia as a punishment for the roast. The family seems to like a chance to experience new things, but Roger freaks out that Saudi Arabia bans alcohol. Meanwhile, Stan receives his new mission, overseeing guards protecting a pipeline that’s being built.

As the family adjusts to the new culture, Francine finds that she likes the neighboring women, although she doesn’t like how they cater to their men. Stan, however, learns about the country’s strict moral codes from his new coworkers and finds that he loves it. Loves it. And Steve is thrilled to find out that not only is he considered a man, he can shoot guns whenever he wants.

Stan begins throwing orders around, but Francine resists. At the same time, Hayley is begging Steve to accompany her to the bazaar so she can leave the house. Roger, hidden in a burka, goes with them. At home that night, Stan introduces Francine to his new second wife. Back at the bazaar, Steve sells Roger to a man who thinks Roger is a woman. With his new money, Steve buys a Mercedes, sunglasses and grenades.

During a dinner party, Stan enjoys his new friends, even accepting a robe as a gift. But Francine engages in a brutal fight with Stan’s second wife. Bullock calls and tells Stan he can have his old job in the States back, but Stan says he kinda likes Saudi Arabia. As for the family, well, Steve just crashed his Mercedes into an oil derrick in the middle of nowhere, Roger is being taken to a remote location by his new husband, and Hayley is running from the morals police. Stan angrily tells Bullock he renounces his American citizenship. He’ll be staying on the Arabian peninsula.
13. 13 Nov 05 Stan of Arabia (Part 2)
Last time, we were in Saudi Arabia. This time, we still are. Stan meditates a dispute between Francine and his new wife. Francine demands that Stan put them on a plane back to the States, but he reminds her that in Saudi Arabia, what the man says goes. Meanwhile, Hayley is cornered by the vice police, but a strange man intervenes and says he’s escorting her to save her.

And out in the desert, Steve comes to after crashing his Mercedes into an oil derrick. Roger is delivered to his new husband, who is very wealthy. Seeing alcohol flowing freely, Roger no longer minds his servitude. Hayley is still hitting off with Kazi, who lets it slip that he’s in Al Qaeda. She begs him not to blow up the American embassy, then passionately kisses him.

Back in Langley, Bullock gets a call from Francine asking him to give Stan his job back. Bullock informs her that he already made the offer, but Stan turned him down. Steve is wandering through the desert. He prays to God for help and God in the form of Angelina Jolie descends from the heavens. Roger is enjoying his plush life as a concubine when his new husband comes in, ready to consummate the relationship.

Elsewhere, Hayley and Kazi have already consummated theirs. In the bazaar, Francine confronts Stan about Bullock’s offer. Stan says his word rules, so Francine breaks into a song about how awful Saudi Arabia is, stripping down into her underwear during the number. When she finishes, the moral police arrest her.

Stan visits Francine in jail, and when he learns that her cellmate has been in jail for 23 years for stealing an Almond Joy, agrees to go to the embassy to get help for Francine. Meanwhile, Roger is trying to avoid relations by telling his husband about the glorious epic that is Beverly Hills, 90210.

Out in the desert, God tells Steve to stop worrying about becoming a man and advises him to enjoy his childhood as long as possible. Hayley wakes up and finds a note from Kazi waiting for her. He’s going through with his plan to attack the U.S. embassy. The same embassy that Stan just walked into. Hayley sprints over.

When she gets there, Hayley finds Kazi…working at a Shwarma King stand. Other girls laugh at her, saying Kazi tricks all American girls into thinking he’s a terrorist. Inside, the consulate tells Stan he can get an American out of jail with no problem. He just needs to see Stan’s passport. Problem is, he tore it up.

Steve returns from the desert and tells the townspeople he has spoken with God, and God gave him a perfect plan to create peace in the Middle East. The townspeople hail Steve as a visionary, until he mentions that God is a woman. They can’t wrap their heads around this and decide to kill Steve.

At her trial, Francine is sentenced to death by stoning. Stan declares that he won’t let Francine die alone, he’s going to be stoned with her. At the stoning, Steve is put next to family for calling God a woman. And Hayley’s there too. But before the audience can start chucking rocks, President Bush choppers in an declares that democracy has arrived. He throws an American flag through the judge and pulls the Smiths out of the ground. Except…that was all just a dream Stan had.

The throwers pick up their stones. But the judge gets a call ordering the Smiths released. It turns out, Roger had his husband make the call. The Smiths arrive back on American soil and Stan kisses the ground.
14. 20 Nov 05 Stannie Get Your Gun
Last time, we were in Saudi Arabia. This time, we still are. Stan meditates a dispute between Francine and his new wife. Francine demands that Stan put them on a plane back to the States, but he reminds her that in Saudi Arabia, what the man says goes. Meanwhile, Hayley is cornered by the vice police, but a strange man intervenes and says he’s escorting her to save her.

And out in the desert, Steve comes to after crashing his Mercedes into an oil derrick. Roger is delivered to his new husband, who is very wealthy. Seeing alcohol flowing freely, Roger no longer minds his servitude. Hayley is still hitting off with Kazi, who lets it slip that he’s in Al Qaeda. She begs him not to blow up the American embassy, then passionately kisses him.

Back in Langley, Bullock gets a call from Francine asking him to give Stan his job back. Bullock informs her that he already made the offer, but Stan turned him down. Steve is wandering through the desert. He prays to God for help and God in the form of Angelina Jolie descends from the heavens. Roger is enjoying his plush life as a concubine when his new husband comes in, ready to consummate the relationship.

Elsewhere, Hayley and Kazi have already consummated theirs. In the bazaar, Francine confronts Stan about Bullock’s offer. Stan says his word rules, so Francine breaks into a song about how awful Saudi Arabia is, stripping down into her underwear during the number. When she finishes, the moral police arrest her.

Stan visits Francine in jail, and when he learns that her cellmate has been in jail for 23 years for stealing an Almond Joy, agrees to go to the embassy to get help for Francine. Meanwhile, Roger is trying to avoid relations by telling his husband about the glorious epic that is Beverly Hills, 90210.

Out in the desert, God tells Steve to stop worrying about becoming a man and advises him to enjoy his childhood as long as possible. Hayley wakes up and finds a note from Kazi waiting for her. He’s going through with his plan to attack the U.S. embassy. The same embassy that Stan just walked into. Hayley sprints over.

When she gets there, Hayley finds Kazi…working at a Shwarma King stand. Other girls laugh at her, saying Kazi tricks all American girls into thinking he’s a terrorist. Inside, the consulate tells Stan he can get an American out of jail with no problem. He just needs to see Stan’s passport. Problem is, he tore it up.

Steve returns from the desert and tells the townspeople he has spoken with God, and God gave him a perfect plan to create peace in the Middle East. The townspeople hail Steve as a visionary, until he mentions that God is a woman. They can’t wrap their heads around this and decide to kill Steve.

At her trial, Francine is sentenced to death by stoning. Stan declares that he won’t let Francine die alone, he’s going to be stoned with her. At the stoning, Steve is put next to family for calling God a woman. And Hayley’s there too. But before the audience can start chucking rocks, President Bush choppers in an declares that democracy has arrived. He throws an American flag through the judge and pulls the Smiths out of the ground. Except…that was all just a dream Stan had.

The throwers pick up their stones. But the judge gets a call ordering the Smiths released. It turns out, Roger had his husband make the call. The Smiths arrive back on American soil and Stan kisses
15. 27 Nov 05 Star Trek
Steve has Stan sign his report card, and Francine notices that the boy is failing English. Steve claims that his teacher hates him. But a visit with the teacher reveals that Steve is failing because he had his Japanese friend Yoshi write a paper for him. Steve claims that creative writing is hard, so Stan takes him upstairs to introduce him to Patriot Pigeon, the 3,012 volume series that Stan has written.

It doesn’t get the creative juices flowing, so Stan glues Steve’s hand to the desk, forcing him to write. Seeing Roger on a drunken bender after Klaus told him he’s a nobody, not a somebody like the celebrities he loves so much, Steve finally has an idea. At home later, Stan gets a letter from P&Q Publishing. He thinks they want to publish Patriot Pigeon, but in fact, they want to publish Roger the Alien, the story Steve wrote for his class.

Steve has a book signing, which makes Stan’s incredibly jealous. But when Francine points out that people will recognize that Steve came from Stan, Stan wants to up the promotion. The publisher says if Steve has the #1 children’s book, he can get on the television show Cap’n Monty’s Book Cavalcade. But Steve needs a hook for that.

Stan’s brainstorm is to make Steve the bad boy of the children’s book world. Steve stops eating is vegetables, starts talking to strangers and runs with scissors, which makes him wildly popular in the children’s literary world. The book hits #1 and Steve is booked on the show. Meanwhile, at home, Roger finally reads the book and is furious with Steve’s portrayal of him.

Steve starts to chafe at the fame. Backstage before Steve’s television appearance, an agent tells him how to deal with the pressure of being pulled in different directions by his family. On the show, Steve announces that he’s going to divorce his parents. After a quick trial, Steve is free and begins enjoying a wealthy lifestyle, including a pool filled with cherry Jell-o. Roger decides to strike back.

He sneaks into Steve’s mansion to kill him. Except he finds the guy who’s going to play Steve in the upcoming movie first. Roger scares the actor into the Jell-o pool, then begins freaking out, thinking he’s killed him. Realizing things are out of control, Steve goes back to his parents. Who help him hide the dead body
16. 18 Dec, 2005: Not Particularly Desperate Housewives
While grocery shopping with her friend Linda, Francine sees a prestigious group of housewives called, “The Ladybugs” walk into the store. Francine approaches the ladies looking for an in, but the Ladybugs reject her. As Francine leaves the store, a crowd is surrounding the body of a woman who has been crushed to death in the shopping cart return. Before police officers can off the dead woman’s dog, Francine volunteers to take care of it.

Hayley catches Steve and Klaus reading her diary and locks Steve and Klaus in her bedroom closet.

Francine returns home with the dog, which she has named “Fussy.” Stan doesn’t want Fussy because it isn’t a manly dog. Francine says if he wants to get rid of the dog, he must find it a good home.

Stan takes Fussy and tries to get it adopted on a morning talk show and when that fails, he leaves the dog on the side of the road.

Later, the doorbell rings, and Stan finds Fussy sitting on the head of a dragon. Roger enters the room, and Fussy tries to chase him down. Stan realizes that Fussy might have potential after all.

Francine goes to a Ladybugs arrives art gallery event but before she can talk to the Ladybugs, she ends up making a mess of her dress. When the valet tries to help her, things only get worse. The Ladybugs see Francine exit a supply closet with the valet and believe Francine is having an affair with him. The Ladybugs admit to having affairs and think that Francine is Ladybug material.

Stan, dressed in a pink polo goes to work, and brings Fussy with. Bullock gives Stan a mission, but Stan passes on it because he now has Fussy depends on him.

Roger scours the cupboards for snacks, and only finds Fussy’s treats. Roger discovers that when he smells like treats, Fussy doesn’t growl at him. Roger plans to use Fussy to get back at Stan.

Steve and Klaus are now hardcore closet prisoners. Steve inks a tattoo on his arm and Klaus inquires about getting a shiv.

Francine tells the Ladybugs that she wants out and comes clean about the fake affair. Since Francine has dirt on the Ladybugs, the Ladybugs want dirt on Francine. They give her twenty-four hours to have a real affair or they’ll kill her.

Francine thinks she’s safe in her home, but the Ladybugs have burned several of Stan’s shirts and switched the spices in her spice rack. The Ladybugs call and tell her if they can get into her home, they can get to Stan.

Francine comes clean to Stan about her fake affair so he can help her. Stan swears to protect his wife until Roger makes Stan jealous when he pretends that Fussy gave him a gift certificate to a spa.

Francine seeks help from the police department, but a female officer shows Francine her Ladybug broach and Francine flees. She heads to the editor of the Langley Falls Post and he tells her to talk to his assistant. Francine turns to a young woman who pushes back her hair and reveals another Ladybug broach.

Stan goes to the pet store for advice on how to win back Fussy from Roger. A pet store employee tells Stan that he has to show the dog that he’s the alpha male. When Stan returns home, he jumps Roger and begins to beat him in front of Fussy.

Stan chases Roger down to finish the job. When he finally corners Roger, Roger punches Stan in the groin and drops him to his knees. When Roger turns his back, Stan grabs him and throws him through the wall and into a closet. Stan then notices that Fussy has escaped out the front door.

Steve and Klaus slowly crawl out of the hole in the wall created by Roger’s body. Hayley says they’re free to go, but Steve and Klaus are used to a life behind bars and opt to stay in the closet.

The Ladybugs corner Francine in the grocery store parking lot and chain her to a cart return at the grocery store when Stan shows up. Francine thinks he’s there to save her, but just looking for Fussy. He finds Fussy in a dark alley licking the face of a sleeping homeless man. Stan knows that Fussy can never give her love to just one man.

Linda arrives to stop the Ladybugs before the crush Francine in the cart return. Linda asks that they let her say goodbye to Francine and passionately kisses Francine. The kiss is enough for the Ladybugs to have enough dirt on Francine to let her live. The kiss between Linda and Francine ends awkwardly when Francine is blind to Linda’s crush on her.
17. 08 Jan, 2006: Rough Trade
Roger starts the day off like he always does, with a drink and a smoke. He rolls out of bed and knocks his beloved TV off its stand, bringing a quick death to the TV.

Stan tears apart the kitchen looking for his manual to the “ES Weapon System.” Steve asks Stan some advice about how he can ask out Carly Mills, but Stan is preoccupied with trying to find the manual. A monkey screams into the kitchen with the manual in its arms. Hayley explains that the monkey was rescued from product testing lab and her animal protection group is expecting her to take car of it. Finally, Roger stumbles into the kitchen, near drunk, and tells Stan that he needs a new TV. Stan refuses to buy a new one and calls his family “ungrateful babies.”

Bullock introduces the new Exoskeletal Weapon System with sitting Stan behind the controls. The weapon is a giant robot suit with massive claws and missiles. Bullock asks a female Senator from California to come up for a demonstration. All Stan has to do is gently remove the pearls from the Senator’s neck using the machine. Stan blindly hits a few of the thousand buttons on the control panel. The robot seems to be working perfectly, then goes berserk and severely injures the Senator.

A despondent Stan heads to the local tavern and ends up drinking too much. He calls home and asks Hayley to pick him up. When the car arrives, it’s Roger behind the wheel. Instead of driving home, Roger drives to Big Buy so Stan can buy a new TV. Stan refuses and Roger drives off. He doesn’t make it far and crashes into some parked cars. Before the cops arrive, Roger hides in the trunk and Stan gets busted for driving drunk.

At home, Stan is under house arrest with a monitor on his ankle. Francine tells him that he can help redecorate. Roger tells Francine and Stan that he’s going out to see a show, and Stan tells him he can’t stick him with a DUI and then leave. Stan and Roger argue about whether or not they could handle a day in each other’s shoes. Roger agrees to get a job and Stan says he’ll live in the attic.

The next morning, Roger gets ready for work. Stan doesn’t think Roger will make it through the day. But Roger already has a leg up on Stan. He’s helping Steve win over Carly, he told Hayley she could keep the monkeys, and he’s going to help Francine redecorate the house.

Later, Stan embraces Roger’s lifestyle by watching game shows and drinking wine.

Roger gets a job at a local car dealership. There’s a sales contest going on and Roger meets Maria, who threatens to win the contest at any cost. After that, Roger meets Phillip, who befriends Roger and tells him that Maria is ruthless.

The family loves Roger playing the part of father. Steve says he’s ready for the next step in winning Carly, and Roger suggests they’ll take some suggestive photos of him later.

Stan sits in the attic, starting to think that maybe Roger is right and he’s feeling useless.

Roger falls asleep at work. The boss wakes him up and tells him that he has yet to sell a car. Either he sells, or he’s fired. Phillip overhears and tells Roger he’ll help Roger win the sales contest.

The next morning, the chaos is getting to Roger. He’s been up all night reading up on cars, Francine is nagging him about paint colors and the monkeys are running wild. Finally, Steve comes in furious. Calry took the photos of Steve and posted them on the internet. In frustration, Roger accidentally strikes Francine in the face and gives her a black eye. Roger tells her that Stan can’t know the truth.

At the car dealership, Roger is a selling-machine. He’s making deals all day.

The cops show up at the Smith household. Francine answers and they see her black eye, followed by Stan telling them that she “walked into a door.” Francine excuses herself and Stan to the kitchen. The cops find the pictures of Steve and accidentally let the monkeys loose. They draw their guns and go to arrest Stan. Francine tells Stan the truth about Roger hitting her and he tries to leave the house but the ankle monitor electrocutes him and slows him down.

At the car dealership, the boss announces the winner of the sales contest. It’s Phillip. Both Maria and Roger are stunned. Phillip had tricked Roger into using Phillip’s sales ID, therefore it appears as though Phillip had sold twice as many cars. The boss fires Roger.

Roger visits Stan in jail and Roger admits that the Smith family is lucky to have Stan as the bread winner. They put aside their differences and conspire to use Phillip as a cover for all the stuff the cops found in the Smith home. The cops take Phillip away and set Stan free.
18. 29 Jan, 2006: Finances with Wolves
Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve are shopping at the Langley Falls Shopping Mall. Hayley is disgusted that the mall has ruined the land of indigenous people, meanwhile Stan is spending his $20,000 bonus on things he doesn’t need. Francine sees a kiosk available for rent and she wants to fulfill her dream of managing one. Francine gives Steve a bag of muffins to take to the movies, Steve says his friends would pay to have her muffins. Hayley takes a walk outside and sees that mall expansion is destroying more land.

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Steve and his friends go to the movies and see The Soiling, which promises to be the scariest werewolf film ever.

Roger paces around the attic, watching his sea monkeys grow in a flower vase. In celebration of their birth, Roger opens a bottle of champagne and then shares a drop with the sea monkeys. The drop instantly kills them.

Francine asks Stan for five-thousand dollars to open her muffin kiosk in the mall. Stan calls it a terrible idea. Klaus tells Francine that if he had a body, he would buy her the kiosk, amongst other things.

On their way home, Steve and his friends are talking about The Soiling. Steve is jumped by a wolf and is afraid that he might turn into a werewolf during the next full moon.

Hayley sneaks into the construction site at night hoping to damage the construction equipment. She’s met by another group of extreme conservationists, whose leader Arborious, is buried waist high in a pot and believes he is a tree trapped in a man’s body. Hayley agrees to join their fight against the mall expansion.

Roger holds a service in the woods for his departed sea monkeys. Suddenly, a wolf comes out of the woods. Instead of seeing the danger, Roger sees a new pet and starts to lead the wolf home by using Francine’s muffins.

Stan uses the last of his bonus to buy a pair of rocket boots. However, the clerk tells Stan that he’s about five-thousand dollars short. Stan is confused but then hears that there’s a new muffin kiosk opening. Stan thought that he had talked Francine out of opening the kiosk, but Francine tells him that her muffins are selling well. Stan demands his five-thousand dollars back and Francine opens the register and hands it over. Stan is amazed she’s made so much money so fast.

Hayley and the environmentalists are making their plans to stop the mall expansion. Arborious tells Hayley that to prove her loyalty, she needs to make out with a tree.

At the Smith house, Steve’s friends tie him up to make sure that he doesn’t transform into a werewolf overnight and harm anyone.

Stan is mad that Francine didn’t leave dinner for him, and macaroni and cheese proves to be a challenge for the top CIA agent. Klaus tells Stan that he used to be a great cook and if Stan put Klaus’s brain back into a body, he can cook for him.

The wolf breaks free from the attic and sneaks outside to maul a stray dog. The wolf jumps back in through Steve’s window and onto Steve’s bed. While Steve is sleeping, the wolf shakes off the blood all over Steve and his room.

Stan takes Klaus to the lab and performs the brain transplant.

Steve wakes up and sees blood and paw prints all over his room. He still thinks that he is becoming a wolf every night.

Stan brings the new Klaus into the kitchen, his brain is now in the body that belonged to the lead singer of an Earth, Wind and Fire cover band. Klaus hits Stan over the head with frying pan and flushes his old fish body down the drain. Klaus ties Stan up in the kitchen before he heads out on the town to update his look. He goes from soul man to a slick playboy.

Steve tells his friends that he’s a werewolf and he has taken a life after seeing the blood in his bedroom. He tells them that they have to kill him to prevent anymore harm.

Klaus heads to the mall and buys all of Francine’s muffins so she can join him for dinner. Klaus tells her that he’s more interested in her business thoughts, than her body. Francine doesn’t recognize Klaus’ voice. In the food court, Klaus says all the right things to win Francine.

Steve and his friends meet in the woods and prepare to kill Steve in order to stop him from becoming a werewolf. At the same time, Roger, dressed in a Santa hat, pulls the wolf into the woods and poses for a Christmas photo. When the timer on the camera goes off, the flash scares the wolf, who breaks its leash and heads over the hills.

Stan charges through the mall, gun in hand, prepared to kill Klaus. Stan confronts Francine and Klaus and reveals to Francine that the man she has been talking to is Klaus in a new body. Before they can go any further, Arborious and his group declare that they have a bomb and plan to destroy the mall.

Steve holds a gun loaded with a silver bullet and tells his friends that they’re all worthy of killing him, but only one can. The boys struggle over the gun and in the process knock Steve down a hill. Steve’s unconscious body rolls down the hill and collides with Roger’s loose wolf. The wolf dashes back up the hill, and the boys think that Steve has transformed. The wolf snarls at them and then dashes away. Snot fires the gun blindly at the wolf, which runs down the hill unharmed. Steve wakes up and climbs back the up hill, believing the curse has been broken.

Arborious preaches to the mall shoppers that American is destroying nature, and Hayley pleads with him to stop. But Arborious detonates the bomb anyway. Then he destroys a giant Native-American statue in the center of the mall. It topples towards Klaus, Stan and Francine. Klaus ducks for cover, while Stan pushes Francine out of the way to save her life. Francine realizes that Stan would die for her and that Stan truly does love her. Klaus’ however, is pinned under the rubble, his new body destroyed. Francine sees a solution, a tank full of goldfish in a pet store.
19. 26 Feb 2006: It's Good To Be Queen
An 80’s homecoming dance rages at John DeLorean High School. Everyone is dancing the night away, and a teenage Stan Smith stands near a water fountain donning a pink keyboard tie and a white sport coat. A couple girls walk in and Stan tries to woo them into a dance, but they harshly reject him. A couple of jocks approach Stan and tell him that the homecoming queen wants to dance with him. After they force Stan up in the spotlight, the jocks open a crate full of pigs and they rain down on Stan. Everyone is laughing.

Stan and Francine head off to Francine’s reunion. Francine doesn’t understand why Stan is so excited because it’s not even his reunion; they missed Stan’s after they mistakenly attended an insurance convention instead. Stan doesn’t care that no one will know him, all he cares about it dancing with the homecoming queen.

With his parents gone, Steve and Roger fire off water balloons using Stan’s mortar. Roger suggests that if they got their hands on Stan’s missile launcher, they could get their revenge on the bully that gave Steve a black eye. When Mitch, a pizza delivery guy, pulls up, Steve and Roger soak him with balloons. But Mitch isn’t bothered and tells Steve that he isn’t bothered because he knows Steve isn’t soaking him, but all the bullies that have hurt him. Steve is awed by Mitch’s wise advice. Then, Roger destroys Mitch’s car with a live mortar round.

Francine meets her best friend, Quacky, at the reunion and they go over where all their classmates are today, including Betty Sue, who lost the homecoming queen title by one vote. Since then Betty Sue has become obese and lonely.

Steve and Roger invite Mitch into the house, and tell him that he can borrow Francine’s car to finish delivering his pizzas.

Francine’s reunion committee goes through their class time capsule and find the homecoming queen ballot box. When the box opens, there are still two uncounted votes for Betty Sue. Francine actually didn’t win, but she doesn’t care. Stan however, begins to freak out. Francine gets upset that all Stan cared about was the fact that she was homecoming queen.

Later, at the homecoming picnic, Stan arrives with Betty Sue. Francine is furious that Stan is with Betty Sue and Quacky asks Francine if she wants to stay with her. Then he tells Stan that he’s heartless and cruel.

Mitch, Steve and Roger are delivering pizzas. Mitch’s Zen is starting to annoy Roger. When they arrive at the bully’s house, Mitch makes Steve deliver the pizza. Steve sees that the only reason the bully picks on him, is because the bully’s father picks on him.

Francine rests at Quacky’s house with wine coolers and tissue. Quacky keeps calling from work to check on her. Outside, Stan reenacts the famous scene from Say Anything. He asks Francine to join him for dinner, just the two of them. Francine happily accepts. When Francine hugs Stan, he makes a phone call to the real Stan. The man with Francine is Stan’s CIA double, Bill. Stan sent him there to keep Francine away from the reunion dance.

Bill takes Francine to dinner and begins reciting unnecessary details about one of the past dates Francine had with Stan.

The real Stan forces his way into the reunion dance using Betty Sue. When he tells people that he’s allowed to do it because he’s with the homecoming queen, everyone laughs at him and tells him that if being with the homecoming queen is still important to him, then he’s still a loser. Then Stan tells everyone that he has a home, two kids and a wife that loves him…and he realizes he has a great life. He hurries outside to call his double off.

Bill’s cell phone rings, and Francine quickly grabs is throws it away, thinking that it’s the CIA calling about work. She believes she’s with Stan and wants to go back to Quacky’s and get “freaky” with her husband. Bill starts to panic.

Mitch continues driving Steve and Roger around town and trying to enlighten them. Steve is hanging on Mitch’s every word, but Roger continues to be negative about Mitch’s wisdom. They arrive at another house and Mitch asks Roger to make the delivery with him this time. After the delivery, Roger is beginning to understand. When they return to the car, Mitch and Roger see that Steve has run off, feeling abandoned by Mitch. Steve stole the remaining pizzas and threw them into the river.

Stan gets to the restaurant looking for Bill. The host tells him that they left for the dance fifteen minutes before Stan got there.

Mitch and Roger find Steve at home. Steve’s running off got Mitch fired, and Steve realizes that Mitch was only trying to help Steve.

At the dance, Bill awkwardly dances with Francine, trying to keep a look out for Betty Sue and Stan. Betty Sue finds Bill and begins calling him filth, believing he is Stan. But then, the inebriated Betty Sue jumps him and makes out with him on the refreshment table.

Francine, still thinking Bill is Stan, sees Betty Sue making out with Bill. Just then, the real Stan walks up. All eyes at the reunion are now on them. Stan tells Francine about Bill, and Francine is upset that Stan let her throw herself at Bill. Francine grabs Stan’s gun and Stan grabs Bill. The Bill and Stan wrestle and Francine can’t tell them apart, so she happily threatens to shoot them both. One of the Stans steps forward and says that all he wanted was for Francine to be happy. Francine thinks that it’s Bill talking and shoots the other Stan, which was actually Bill.

A medical helicopter comes to take Bill away. As the helicopter leaves, it turns on its spotlight and hovers long enough for Stan and Francine to get their spotlight dance.
20. 23 Apr 06 Roger 'n Me
Roger sits on the couch watching the news. They’re promoting the game show, Best Buddiez. Roger realizes that he doesn’t have a best friend and asks Stan to be his, as Stan leaves for a bachelor party. Stan coldly rejects Roger. Francine fills Stan’s suitcase with reminders of the family so that Stan will stay away from the female dancers. Roger offers to follow Stan to keep an eye on him.

When Stan arrives in Atlantic City, he finds Roger hiding in his duffle bag and threatens to kill him. Stan backs off, and Roger begs to go to the party.

Hayley waits for Steve at a sporting goods store as Steve tries on a swimsuit. Trudy, a girl far out of Steve’s league, exits the dressing room next to him. Steve pounces and tries to impress her, but she doesn’t even know his name. At the counter Hayley meets Miles, a handsome college man. Just as she’s about to ask him out, Trudy kisses Miles and they leave together. Hayley and Steve plan to break up Trudy and Miles so they can have them for themselves.

Stan kicks open the door to the bachelor party, Roger stands at his side. All the men inside are dressed in suits, while Stan dons a “Federal Boobie Inspector” t-shirt. Stan finds his friend, Bobo, who insists that Stan was invited on accident. But Stan doesn’t listen and gives him a sex doll as a gift.

The hotel throws Roger and Stan out and Stan questions how a person could change so much in twenty-two years.

Roger makes Stan hit the town with him, and gets Stan to have a good time. They do everything from gambling to watching girls mud wrestle.

At the gym, Steven and Hayley keep an eye on Miles and Trudy. Trudy reaches into Miles’ pocket and finds an earring. She doesn’t know that Steve is the one who planted it. Miles can’t explain and Trudy leaves angry. Hayley and Steve smile maniacally.

Roger and Stan sit drunk in the hotel hot tub. Stan thanks Roger for helping have fun and Stan says that they’re best buds, by Earth standards. Roger tells Stan on his planet there’s a ritual that bonds friends for life. Roger is reluctant to do it, but Stan is adamant about it. Roger has Stan turn around, and suddenly Stan sings out loud.

The next morning, Stan wakes up next to Roger on a beach chair. Stan tries to leave, but Roger wants to get breakfast. Stan wants his shirt back so they can leave.

On the road home, Roger repeats Stan’s old memories, but Stan has none of Roger’s. Roger carelessly sips on a drink and tells Stan he’s happy they bonded.

At home, Roger starts to tell Francine that they took their friendship to a new level, but Stan interrupts and says nothing happened. Roger is stunned that Stan wants to forget about what happened between them. Roger is crushed and Francine thinks something happened during the trip.

Hayley calls Trudy and asks her a series of absurd questions while Steve records the conversation on his computer. He then turns around and dials Miles. Using his computer, Steve leaves a message using Trudy’s answers and makes it seems as though Trudy is calling for another man.

Francine asks Roger what happened, but Roger refuses to admit anything and tells Francine to leave.

Roger calls Stan at work and tells him that they need to talk, and that Francine is asking questions. Stan tells Roger to meet him behind Big Buy and not to tell Francine. After Roger and Stan hang up the phone, so does Francine who was listening to the phone call.

Stan pulls up in his SUV and Roger gets in. Stan tries to give Roger ten thousand-dollars to leave the family. Roger says he just wanted a friend, but he never wants to see Stan again and jumps out. Stan sighs and begins to drive away, but that’s not what Roger wanted. He jumps back in the car, and fights with Stan over control of the car. Stan hits the gas and hits someone, but he doesn’t see who.

Francine kneels behind the SUV, with listening equipment on her head, amazed she’s okay. Stan backs up to see what he hit, and in the process, drives over Francine.

Francine is unconscious in a hospital bed, and Stan asks the doctor if his wife will be okay. The doctor says that Francine’s brain is detached from her central nervous system and it will cost almost one hundred and eighty thousand dollars.

Miles and Trudy arrive in the park. Miles believes he’s going to catch Trudy and her new boyfriend, and Trudy thinks Miles is meeting earring girl. Hayley and Steve watch them fight from the bushes. The fight between Trudy and Miles escalates until Miles falls face first into a grill and Trudy is bitten by a crocodile. With Miles’ face scarred, and Trudy’s body a mess, Steve and Hayley want nothing to do with them.

Stan holds a garage sale to raise money for Francine’s operation. Roger then has the bright idea to enter them on Best Buddies. Since Roger has all of Stan’s memories, they’ll be sure to win.

That night on the game show, Roger and Stan breeze through the questions. Of the three couples, only one of them is giving them any competition. They’re winning by hundreds of points until the host announces the reversal round.

Roger and Stan are ultimately down by ten points with one chance to win. The final question for Stan is, “What is Roger’s favorite movie?” Stan panics, he doesn’t know. Then Roger tells Stan to look into his heart. Stan smiles and blurts out, “White Chicks!”

Roger and Stan stand over Francine at the hospital. They didn’t win the game show and don’t have money for her operation. Stan admits that Roger is a good friend and then moves to pull the plug on Francine. But Roger has a plan. He’ll steal the memories of the doctor and do the surgery himself.

Two weeks later, Stan compliments Roger on a successful surgery. The kids are showing Francine flash cards, but Francine just mumbles and groans out an answer.
21. 30 Apr 06 Helping Handis
At Groff Community College, Stan pouts that Francine tricked him into seeing Hayley’s student film. Hayley’s film begin and shows several important women in history followed by her mother cleaning toilets and sewing socks.

On the way home, Francine is upset about how she was portrayed in Hayley’s film. As they pull up to their house, a wild party rages across the street.

Stan bursts in the front door and sees Steve and his friends sitting around a chemistry set. Stan forces Steve out of the house and to the party.

When Hayley comes home, Francine begs to know why Hayley would trivialize her life. Hayley says there are women changing the world while her mother stays at home building battleships out of cucumbers.

Stan asks Klaus what he thinks Steve is doing at the party and hopes that Steve is and having a great time. Steve and his friends return from the party miserable and beat up. Snot tells Stan that those parties are for jocks.

Steve sits on a bench next to his school’s pool, now forced to be part of the water polo team by Stan. Stan yells at the coach until the coach gives up and lets Steve play. Steve jumps in the pool and sinks to the bottom.

When Steve regains consciousness, the jocks laugh at Steve’s failure and walk away.

Francine attends a shady “One Day Change Your Life Workshop” where a woman tells her she can be certified as a rocket scientist, nuclear physicist, surgeon or federal court judge. Francine wants to be a surgeon.

Stan has a plan to make Steve better at sports and make him popular. Stan hands Steve steroids that he was able to take from the CIA laboratory. But Steve says it doesn’t matter, he’ll never be like the popular guys. Stan won’t let him give up and Steve grabs the steroids and swallows them.

Francine tells Hayley that she became a surgeon and shows Hayley her diploma, which Hayley points out is printed on the back of a take-out menu.

Stan reads the paper when Steve comes downstairs in a rage. He tells his dad that he is experiencing a side effect. He takes off his robe and shows his father that he now has large breasts.

Stan hands Steve several t-shirts to wear and ace bandages, then tells him the CIA scientist will be back from vacation in a few days. But until then they have to keep his chest hidden.

Francine and Hayley meet in the hall where Francine angrily tells Hayley that she has a job interview at a hospital and she’s going to be a doctor.

Steve tries to conceal his chest at school but the layers of clothes make him sweat. When he opens his shirt the most popular jock in school, Vince Chung compliments him on his chest.

The man interviewing Francine tells her that her degree is a joke and that no one is going to hire her. As Francine leaves the hospital a van pulls up and the door opens. One man holds his bleeding friend and shouts that they need a doctor and they don’t have insurance. Francine jumps in the van.

Stan picks Steve up from school and asks if anyone saw his chest. Steve lies and says no. Steve’s friends ask if he’s going to work on the science fair project as Vince and other jocks pull up in their jeep. They invite Steve to the river and Stan convinces Steve to go.

Steve splashes around the river in a tank top while the jocks watch from shore.

Francine finishes the stitches on the bleeding man’s arm. And older man, Johnny Four Legs, introduces everyone in the room. Blind Jimmy, Large Monty and Little Tex, and Deaf Teddy. Johnny offers Francine a fulltime job as a physician for the Handicapped Mafia.

Steve comes home and Stan begs for details about his day.

Francine walks in the front door covered in blood and Hayley can’t believe it. Francine’s pager beeps and she heads back to work. Hayley interrupts Steve telling his story to tell Stan about Francine.

Stan throws a wild house party for Steve. Steve’s nerd friends arrive and Steve avoids working on the science project.

Stan heads upstairs as the party rages on and finds Steve laying on his bed reading as a line of boys wait to feel Steve’s breasts. Stan throws everyone out of the party and orders Steve to stay in the house until his breasts are gone. But Steve is part of the popular crowd now and was invited to a party at Vince’s.

Francine enters a handicapped strip club and walks into Johnny’s office. When she finds Large Monty and Blind Jimmy beating on a man tied to a chair, Francine wants out. But Johnny refuses. Deaf Teddy finds Hayley eavesdropping and drags her into the office.

Stan races home with the antidote for Steve. Stan finds Steve’s bedroom window open and knows he’s at Vince’s party.

The thugs hold Francine and Hayley hostage in the back of a van. Francine tells Johnny that she’s disappointed that the gang isn’t living up to their potential and convinces the guys to rob the First National Bank. When the men charge the bank, they’re mowed down in hail of gun fire. Francine closes the van door and drives off.

At Vince’s party, Steve is wearing a tube top and is surrounded by jocks. Stan shows up and forces his way through the crowd to reveal that he now has giant breasts. Stan walks around proving to Steve that his new friends don’t care about him, just his chest.

Hayley tells her mother that she underestimated her as they arrive to find Roger pouring gasoline on the carpet. He’s going to burn the house down to clean up the mess from the party.

Stan and Steve share pizza and Steve admits that the guys only liked him for his body. Steve tells Stan that he was having a good time with his old friends and Stan is okay with Steve hanging out with his dork friends.
22. 7 May 06 With Friends Like Steve's
Stan and Steve walk towards CIA Headquarters. Stan is excited about their visit, but Steve would rather be doing something else. Each step of the way, Stan finds something else to annoy Steve with. Whether it be shooting at Steve behind bullet proof glass, or talking to the same armed dolphins again. Steve just wants to go home.

Stan realizes that Steve doesn’t look up to him anymore and opens up to Roger. But when Hayley offers Roger an escape from the conversation, he leaves with her. Francine tells Stan that Steve is just going through a phase. The doorbell rings and Steve answers it. It’s his friend Barry, who Stan doesn’t like at all.

Hayley is upset that her college gave money to the fraternities instead of an Eskimo studies program. Roger tags along and finds his way to the front door of a frat asking for booze.

Stan, Steve and Francine eat their dinner at one table while Barry eats at a separate table a few feet away. Francine asks Stan to tell a story and Barry gets excited to hear it while Steve rolls his eyes.

Stan and Barry return from their trip to the Franklin Mint and Steve realizes that Stan is trying to replace him with Barry.

Stan shows Barry his commemorative plate collection. Barry’s watch beeps and it’s time for his “vitamin.” Stan convinces Barry that he doesn’t need vitamins. Steve sees Stan and Barry and wonders why Stan bends the house rules for Barry.

Roger becomes the hit of the frat house when he does the longest keg-stand they’ve ever seen.

Stan comes into Steve’s room and unrolls a sleeping bag. He tells Steve that Barry is sleeping over. Steve confronts Barry and tells him to go home. Suddenly, Barry’s voice changes from the usual nerd-slurring, to that a refined, maniacal genius. Barry tells Steve that no one is going to stand in the way of his friendship with Stan.

Steve tells Stan about Barry’s transformation, but Stan doesn’t believe it. Barry wanders down the stairs, dressed exactly like Stan and seemingly normal. Barry tells Stan and Francine he’d like to go to church before breakfast, then offers his arm to Francine as they leave.

Roger is cracking jokes with the frat boys when they walk into Hayley who is still protesting the funding. Roger invites Hayley’s fellow protestors to a party at the frat house and they happily accept. Hayley is furious.

Barry places a sandwich on one of Stan’s commemorative plates when Steve confronts him again. Barry cries and says he wants to have a dad like Stan, and wearing oven mitts, hands Steve the plate and sandwich. Steve realizes it’s on a commemorative plate and Barry says he’s going to go pack his things and go.

Late at night, Stan and Francine wake up to the sound of breaking glass. Stan knows that it’s his plate collection. He opens the door, and all the plates are trashed. Barry and Steve walk in and Barry says that they dust for prints.

Stan scans the prints he finds against the CIA database. The print matches Steve and Stan asks why he would destroy the plates. Steve sees the plate he touched earlier and knows Barry framed him. Stan and Francine play right into Barry’s plan and Francine thinks Steve is out of control. Barry recommends tough love.

The next morning, two men throw Steve in a van labeled, “CAMP FOR WAYWARD YOUTH.” Barry hugs Stan and Francine as the van pulls away.

On an oil derrick in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, A Drill Sergeant yells at Steve and tells him to expect hard and unusual punishment.

Two little girls enjoy a tea party in their backyard. Suddenly, Stan and Barry spring from bunkers in the ground ready for battle. Stan fires a flaming arrow at the girl’s table and Barry beheads a stuffed bunny. Barry wants to go get frappaccinos with Stan, but Francine needs help moving furniture. Stan leaves and Barry turns back into evil-Barry and schemes to kill Francine.

A Drill Sergeant hands out pills to the kids in the camp. The pills dumb the kids down, and Steve realizes that Barry’s vitamin was the same pill. Steve needs a way to contact his parents. Another kid tells Steve he smuggled in a cell phone in an uncomfortable place.

Steve calls home and Barry answers. Steve tries to tell Barry to take his vitamins and Barry tells Steve he’s going to remove Francine from the picture.

The frat party rages on and Hayley tries to convince her fellow protestors to leave. Roger suggests she should loosen up.

Barry sits on a chair in Stan’s bedroom, pointing a gun at Stan. Stan asks where Francine is and Barry says she’s where she can’t get between them.

Francine is buried alive in the backyard.

Barry orders Stan downstairs to play another “game.”

While the Drill Sergeant is distracted, Steve and two other boys make a break for it. Using the skills he learned from his father, Steve moves unnoticed through the guards. He tries to lower the speed boat but sets off the alarm instead. Steve grabs the public address microphone and uses dolphin-speak to call dolphins for help. The boys drop into the ocean where they ride dolphins to safety.

The next morning, Hayley walks down the stairs of the frat house and Roger smiles knowing she gave in. After Hayley leaves, a frat brother tells Roger he has to clean the house. Roger spits on the guy and walks out.

Hayley walks down frat row and is passed by Roger being chased by frat boys.

Barry points his gun at Stan as they play the board game, Sorry. Steve charges through the front door on a horse, disguised as a jockey. Barry knocks Stan out and Steve demands that Barry take his pill. Steve offers one more challenge to evil-Barry. He holds two drinks, one has Barry’s pill in it. After stalling, Barry grabs a glass.

Stan and Steve drive Barry home. Barry is back to normal and Steve reveals that he put pills in both of the glasses, then he waves the car’s floor mat around.

Stan apologizes to Steve for sending him to work camp, and Steve says it was okay because he learned to appreciate his father again. The two smile, then go outside to dig up Francine.
23. 14 May 06 Tears of a Clooney
The Smiths sit around Francine and a birthday cake. It’s Francine’s 39th birthday and she is not happy about it. She flips outs and throws the cake around the room. Hayley points out that her mother gets more depressed every year.

Francine sits in her bed watching an episode of Scarecrow and Mrs. King where Francine had a small part as a hotel receptionist. Francine and Stan watch the scene and suddenly George Clooney steps on Francine’s lines.

Francine leaves the grocery store and a swarm of paparazzi swarm around her. Stan pulls up and saves her. Stan admits that he hired paparazzi to follow her. Francine tells Stan that her new dream is to destroy George Clooney. She wants to break Clooney’s heart for what he did to her.

Stan and Francine fly to Prague where Clooney is filming his latest movie.

Inside their hotel room, Stan has set up a war room filled with murders and thieves to track Clooney.

Roger fills the Smith swimming pool with soil, intent on building his own vineyard. Roger is too weak and lazy to do the work himself and plans to hire foster children to do the work. Hayley comes outside to stop Roger but is interrupted by a horrible cough.

Stan’s war room is set up across the street from Clooney’s hotel. It has been arranged that Stan will be Clooney’s body guard and Francine will be trained by Sergei Petcov to get inside Clooney’s head and resist his charm.

The foster children dig away at the soil in the pool and Roger denies them a water break. Steve is tired of sharing the house with all the foster kids, but Roger assigns him two beautiful girls to be his personal assistant. The phone rings and it’s the doctor for Hayley with her test results.

Stan enters Clooney’s trailer and says he’s his new body guard. But Clooney says he doesn’t need him, just his “boys.” Clooney tells the guys that he bought them new motorcycles and they drive them off. Stan follows them in a semi-truck. He forces them into a cargo box and ships them over seas.

On set, Clooney finds out Stan sent his friends to China. He believes that it was a practical joke and says that Stan is now one of his “boys.”

Roger uses the kids to decorate their dinning room table for Thanksgiving and serve Roger and Steve food. Hayley stumbles out of the kitchen with clumps of hair missing from her head and looking exhausted. She tries to stop Roger but collapses into a chair.

Stan and Clooney ride down a rural road on their bikes, when the pass Francine playing golf and the wind blowing in her hair. Clooney is instantly taken with her. Francine jumps on a motorcycle and races away.

At Christmas, Roger has the kids pouring warm water into the vineyard soil to keep the vines from freezing. Hayley, now bald and very sick, tries again to keep Roger from abusing the kids.

Stan leads Clooney a bar where Francine is waiting. George hits on Fr1ancine and the second part of Francine’s plan begins.

Clooney and Francine go on several dates and Clooney is falling in love with her.

Clooney tells Stan that during his next date he’s going to tell Francine that he loves her.

The team in the war room celebrates Clooney’s demise and Stan is glad he can stop pretending to like Clooney. Stan excuses himself and the team watches surveillance video of Stan warning Clooney about Francine’s plan. Francine screams in agony of her husband’s betrayal.

Stan returns to the war room and sees the footage of him warning Clooney. The lights go out and Francine watches him through a night vision scope. Stan can’t see her and begs for her forgiveness. She flips the lights on and Stan handcuffs her to the radiator so she won’t kill Clooney.

Child Protective Services finds Roger ordering the kids to mash grapes with their feet in the Smith backyard. Hayley walks out and tells Roger that she had promised he would be stopped. Child Services tells the kids they’re free and they celebrate.

Francine pulls up next to Stan on a motorcycle and shows him that she cut off her own hand to stop Clooney. They race their motorcycles up a hill to a spa where George is staying. At the top of the hill, Francine blinds Stan with blood from her severed wrist. Stan crashes his bike and slides over a cliff.

Stan holds on as best he can, and demands to know what all of this was about. Francine tells him that no one depends on Clooney all the time, like the Smiths do on her. Stan tells her that while no one depends on Clooney, Francine has a family who loves her and does depend on her.

Stan and Francine pack to go home and Stan has one last thing to do. He goes to Clooney’s hotel and breaks up with Clooney. George tries to stop him, but it doesn’t work.

Francine watches the surveillance camera and sees George crying. She got her wish.

Courtesy of FOX]]> Fri, 19 Jan 2007 13:33:31 tvcentralgavin American Dad Show Info (Cast & Schedule) /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169213258/ /cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1169213258/#num1

Click here for the Episode Guide

The Show
Stan Smith, who works for the CIA and is constantly on the alert for terrorist activity. Stan will go to extremes to protect his beloved America from harm; as evidenced by the terror-alert color code on his fridge, and his frequent knee-jerk reaction of shooting holes in the toaster whenever the toast pops up. In addition to Stan's wife and teenage children, the Smith household has two rather unconventional members. There's Roger, the sarcastic space alien who rescued Stan from Area 51 who deeply resents the fact that he's not allowed to leave the house, and therefore, has been reduced to drinking wine and smoking cigarettes, and Klaus, a lascivious, German-speaking goldfish; the result of a CIA experiment gone seriously wrong where the CIA tried to give a fish a German man's brain. Stan's son is a dorky teenager who tries to be cool. His wife has had a past life of sex and drugs.

Show: American Dad
When: Sundays 9:30pm
Status: New Series
Where: FOX
First Aired: Febuary 2005
Country: United States

Cast

Seth MacFarlane As Stan Smith
Wendy Schaal As Francine Smith
Dee Bradley Baker As Klaus
Scott Grimes As Steve Smith
Rachael MacFarlane As Barb
Mike Barker As Terry

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