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Season One

1. Feb 06, 2005: Pilot
   Morning in the Smith household. Hayley yells at her brother Steve to be quiet, and he mocks her for needing quiet to study for a community college test. Mom Francine intervenes, which talking fish Klaus finds to be incredibly hot. Klaus, you see, has the brain of a German athlete. Patriarch Stan comes down for breakfast, followed closely by Roger, a fat alien who the family has to keep a secret.

   Stan warns the family that the nation is at terror alert orange, so they’d better stay sharp. Liberal Hayley complains that the terror alert system is just a way to keep the masses paralyzed in fear. Steve announces that he plans to ask out Lisa Silver, the hottest cheerleader in his school. After Roger’s chair breaks, Francine decides to put him on a diet.

   At school, Steve makes his move, but Lisa punches him in the face. On the way home, Steve sees a guy pick up a chick who likes his dog. He decides he needs a dog. Stan doesn’t go for a dog at first, but Francine talks him into it. Later, Stan shows up with a dog from the pound. The dog is 19 years old and minutes from death.

   That night, Roger is desperately searching the kitchen for snack treats when he accidentally knocks over a glass. Hearing the noise, Stan heads downstairs with his gun to make sure Osama bin Laden isn’t invading the house. In the dark, Stan shoots and kills Steve’s new/old dog. The next day, while burying the dog, Steve laments that he’ll never get a girl. Bragging that he’s a fantastic ladies man, Stan volunteers to help his son. They head to the mall. Stan plans on snatching a girl’s purse, so Steve can tackle him. But after grabbing it, Stan’s instincts kick in and he barges through the mall and escapes to safety.

   Back home, Roger overhears Hayley’s boyfriend asking her to hang out. Problem is, she has a term paper due. Roger offers to do her papers in exchange for snack foods. Downstairs, Stan is holding Hilary Duff hostage to eat dinner with Steve, but she runs out. Stan is baffled by Steve’s struggles to get a chick, but Roger points out that Steve isn’t nearly as powerful as Stan. So Stan decides to rig the high school election and get Steve in as president. Steve wins easily.

   Hayley gives Roger a poli-sci paper to do in exchange for some churros. Steve, meanwhile, lands a date with Lisa Silver thanks to his newfound power. Which he quickly begins to abuse, taking over the principal’s office and bossing people around. Morning comes, and Roger awakes to find that he never started Hayley’s paper because of a sugar crash. Roger has Hayley show her teacher Steve’s dead dog, getting herself an extension.

   School isn’t all great, though, as Lisa Silver refuses to kiss Steve. Turns out she’s only using him for the associated power. Enraged, Steve bans any PDA in the school. Stan gets a call from the school principal that his son is mad with power. Stan storms the school, dropping in through the roof to talk to his son. After Stan shows Steve an ugly picture of himself in high school, Steve feels better about his looks. Stan also has Lisa Silver and her family deported
    

2. May 01, 2005: Threat Levels
   The terror alert level is lowered to blue and Stan is rewarded with a half day off from work. But when he accidentally brings home a thermos of bio-hazardous material rather than his soup, the family is quarantined inside their home. A CIA expert tells the family they have 20 hours before their insides liquefy.

   Hayley, who had been out helping the homeless, is given a biosuit to visit the family one last time. When she’s inside, Steve rips her oxygen tube out, exposing her. She’s stuck in the house as well. Roger begins measuring the house so he can redecorate after the Smiths die, since he’s immune to human diseases.

   The Smiths pass the time by watching the entire first season of 24 on DVD. The deadline comes and the Smiths survive. The virus was inert. After the scare, Francine, realizing that she hasn’t done enough with her life, decides to become a real estate agent. Stan pulls some CIA strings and gets Francine the job.

   But when Stan sees that Francine’s first commission check is for more than he makes in a month, he isn’t happy. Stan’s co-workers say his manhood is at stake, making things worse. He and his CIA pals shut down Francine’s real estate company.

   Steve, meanwhile, is scheming a way to make money to buy a GameStation. He decides to film a Girls Gone Wild-style video in an empty house his mother has on the market. But it seems that Hayley has already turned it into a homeless shelter. So Steve changes his plan into a series of Bumfights-like videos.

   Francine continues selling real estate, now out of her home. Stan orders her to quit, but she fights back. Upset, Stan takes a walk and comes across Steve and Hayley’s homeless house. Stan decides to take control of the fighting so he can make more money than Francine. The cash begins to pour in until Hayley unionizes the fighters. To keep the ticket money, Stan is going to have to fight one of the bums himself.

   The fight starts and Stan gets pummeled by a huge bum. Francine is showing the house to a prospective couple when they come across the fight. Francine jumps in to stop the fight and Stan takes the opportunity to drop the bum with a phantom punch. Steve and Hayley then tell Stan that they bet everything on Stan, then paid an actor to play a bum fighter and take a fall. Francine explains to Stan that they’re equals and he shouldn’t feel threatened by her job.

   But in the end, news of a 20% interest hike comes in and every real estate agent in the country is put out of work. Stan then gives his team instructions to release Alan Greenspan’s dog since Greenspan hiked interest rates
    

3. May 08, 2005: Stan Knows Best
   Stan is playing “Name the Gun Part” with the family when Hayley enters with her hair dyed green. Stan orders her to wash it out, but she just brushes him off. During the night, Stan cuts all of Hayley’s hair off. After a day of arguing, Hayley heads out on a date, wearing a new wig. Francine suggests that Stan invite Hayley’s boyfriend, Jeff, over for dinner to get to know him.

   Meanwhile, at school, Steve bets his friends that not only will he get a date for the upcoming dance, he’ll get boob. And he’ll even bring the bra back to prove it. That night, Stan, Francine, Jeff and Hayley have dinner. Later, at a party, Jeff asks Hayley to move in with him. Hayley resists, but when Stan has his CIA buddies storm the party and kidnap Hayley to bring her home, she decides she’s had enough. She’s moving in with Jeff. Which seems great, until she finds out Jeff lives in his van. The van breaks down, leaving them stuck outside the Smith house.

   Francine orders Stan to apologize so Hayley will move back home. He can’t apologize, so Stan sets out to remind Hayley how much fun living at home was. Elsewhere, Steve isn’t making much progress with his bra hunt. When he sees another guy picking up chicks, he’s confused until he learns that the guy is using the sympathy card by mentioning how his brother lost his arm in ski lift.

   Stan is still having no luck in getting Hayley to move back home, so he decides to confiscate her credit card and cut her off from the family funds. At home, Steve is tutoring a girl, Kim, when he casually mentions his sister’s accident. Claiming that his sister was burned on over 98% of her body, Steve brings Kim into Hayley’s room, where Roger is lying in bed. Impressed by Steve’s compassion when he spreads salve on his “sister’s” body, Kim agrees to go to the dance with him.

   Desperate for money to pay for her community college classes, Hayley becomes a stripper. Stan and some coworkers visit the strip club for the lunch buffet and that’s when he sees Hayley dancing.

   Kim shows up at the Smiths two hours before the dance to fool around, but first asks to see Steve’s sister again. Roger loves getting a makeover from Kim. Back at the strip club, Stan grabs Hayley by the arm to take her home, but the other strippers leap to her defense. A huge kung fu battle ensues, with Stan taking on dozens of kung fu strippers.

   Steve, meanwhile, only has twenty minutes left until the dance and Roger is still playing dress up with Kim. Frustrated, Steve whispers to Roger that he just needs to lie in bed and look ugly. Feeling ugly, Roger yells that Steve wants to keep him in the attic. Kim leaves in disgust. But at least Roger got her bra first.

   The kung fu strip club is still going strong until Francine comes in and interrupts. She implores Stan to listen to Hayley and support her. So Stan and Francine take front row seats during Hayley’s next dance and throw money at her. Before leaving, they tell Hayley she can come back home anytime. Hayley’s happy to hear it, but also loves the money, so she continues stripping. At least until her wig falls off and the customers boo her off the stage
    

4. May 15, 2005: Francine's Flashback
   Morning breaks and Francine greets Stan in lingerie while carrying his breakfast to the bed. She asks Stan if he knows what today is and Stan gets excited about the CIA fishing trip. He scarfs down the breakfast and throws the dishes on the bed. Francine is outraged that Stan forgot their anniversary.

   Jeff, meanwhile, wants to take Hayley to Burning Man, but she’s not interested. Down at the mall, Steve and friends see the very attractive Lindsay in the food court. Snot dares Steve to ask her out and Lindsay agrees on one condition. Steve finds a date for her friend Jewel, a huge, hairy girl. Steve’s friends run away at the sight of her.

   At home, Roger puts on a tape of COPS from last year, when the police had to break up Francine pummeling Stan for forgetting their anniversary. Out on the boat, Stan finally realizes what day it is and heads home, terrified. When he arrives home, Francine wants nothing to do with him. Stan gasses her, and then takes her into CIA headquarters to have her memory erased.

   But instead of erasing the last 20 hours, the technician erases the last 20 years. Francine thinks it’s 1985 and she’s a Def Leppard groupie again. Back at home, Francine comes to and is freaked out by her family, not recognizing any of them. Stan tells the family that they have to maintain the illusion that Francine is 18 or her brain might implode. Stan puts Francine back in her old apartment and tells Hayley to be her roommate.

   While Steve is busy begging friends to date Jewel, Francine comes to across town. Thinking she just woke up after a concert, Francine inadvertently reveals to Hayley that she used to be a party girl. Stan, meanwhile, is explaining to Roger how she and Francine first met. He picked her up as a hitchhiker, accidentally hit a small critter, and then shot it to put it out of its misery. Roger advises Stan to recreate the moment to bring back Francine’s memory.

   Stan gets Hayley to abandon Francine so he can pick her up on the road. He then tries to hit a raccoon, but misses. He tries to shoot it, but Francine pushes the gun away. Stan gets in the car and tries to run down the animal. After a long, elaborate chase, the raccoon ends up in a speedboat that crashes into gas tanks and explodes. Francine runs off and gets picked up by a truck driver.

   Steve dresses Roger up as a Rastafarian to give Jewel a date. Roger tries to run off when he sees Jewel, but Roger stops him. Jewel immediately takes to Roger, which freaks Roger out. But that leads to success for Steve because Lindsay likes seeing Jewel happy. Elsewhere, Stan wants to show Francine a flower from their honeymoon to trigger her memory, but she’s left for Burning Man with Jeff. Stan and Hayley take off after them.

   Back at the Smith house, Jewel tries to kiss Roger and finds out that he’s an alien. Lindsay is warming up to Steve, when Jewel tries to run out. Roger hits Jewel and Lindsay with a frying pan to knock them out before they can spill the secret.

   The next morning, Stan finds Francine and shows her the flower. But it does nothing for her. She thinks Stan is a stiff she could never love, so he strips his clothes off. Just then, a hang glider crashes into the giant man, knocking it on Francine. Stan saves her, and then kisses her, which finally triggers her memory. Stan, Francine and Hayley arrive home to find Jewel and Lindsay bound and gagged. Stan takes them into CIA HQ for a memory cleanse
    

5. Jun 05, 2005: Rodger Codger
   Stan goes through a training session and thinks he did amazingly, but Deputy Director Bullock introduces Stan to Agent Duper, who went through the course even faster. At home, Francine is conducting her Bible study class for young children when Hayley comes home with her boyfriend, Jeff. Hayley mocks the existence of God in front of the kids, and then heads upstairs.

   That night, Stan is complaining about Agent Duper when Francine suggests inviting Bullock over for a kiss-up dinner. Soon enough, it’s dinner time. Stan shoos Roger up into the attic before welcoming Bullock into the house. Impressed by Stan’s attempts to discredit Duper, Bullock wants to discuss a promotion for Stan. But before he can, Stan notices Roger in the kitchen. Stan quickly ushers Roger into the bathroom, where he begins to expel goo. Thinking Stan is under attack, Bullock bursts into the bathroom, slips on the goo and conks his head. Later, Stan yells at Roger for being such a burden. Roger spasms and then collapses on the floor. Stan thinks he’s acting, so the family leaves him on the floor all night.

   The next morning, the family realizes that Roger is dead. Stan dumps Roger’s body in a fast food Dumpster. Eventually, Roger comes to at the dump. Upset that he was dumped into the trash after falling into a stress-induced hibernation cycle, Roger finds some discarded clothes and sets off for home.

   Upset at Roger’s death, Francine goes to her church and asks the reverend to say a prayer for her…“pet.” The reverend callously explains that pets aren’t allowed into heaven, further upsetting Francine. Meanwhile, as he’s walking home, Roger is corralled by a volunteer who thinks Roger is Mrs. Nessbaum, a woman from the Dignity Towers Retirement Home. The volunteer quickly ushers Roger onto the home’s shuttle, which is headed for D.C.

   During the next Bible class, Francine starts telling the kids that God doesn’t exist. Over at CIA HQ, Bullock presents the group with surveillance footage of the White House and says they have to find the people that were harboring the alien so they can punish them. Roger was spotted in the tour group. Stan rushes out to find him. While driving, Stan receives an angry, drunken phone call from Roger. Stan decides he has to kill Roger to save his family from CIA wrath.

   Desperate, Roger calls home and asks Hayley to rescue him from the Smithsonian. Hayley asks Francine to drive her to the Smithsonian for something that will restore her faith. Stan gets to the museum and sees CIA agents outside. He rushes inside to beat them and finds Roger at the same time as the rest of his family. Rogers runs, setting off a race through the exhibits. Stan finally corners Roger in a closet, and they’re quickly closed in on by the CIA. Stan is about to shoot Roger when he realizes his feelings are getting in the way. So Stan takes an old woman from Roger’s tour group, takes off her wig so she looks like an alien and hands her over to the CIA.
    

6. Jun 12, 2005: Homeland Insecurity
   After finding out a neighbor has been dead for six months, Francine worries that she’s become out of touch with her friends. She wants to throw a party to reconnect with old friends, but knows that Stan running background checks and security clearances on everybody makes party guests uncomfortable. Feeling slightly shamed, Stan promises to ease up and be fun for Francine’s party.

   Stan and Francine pass out invitations throughout the neighborhood. Stan is doing fine until they come to the house of Bob and Linda Memari, folks of Iranian descent. Wanting his son to be prepared now that foreigners have invaded the neighborhood, Stan signs Steve up for the Scouts. But the Scout clubhouse turns out to be a front for a place where kids can drink, smoke and gamble.

   The block party is underway. Stan has fully armed himself under his clothes. Stan is about to probe Bob Memari until he realizes that they’ll both use any excuse they think of to avoid an annoying neighborhood. Stan and Bob bond over the deception. Elsewhere, Steve is taking his vows to join the dirty Scouts when he accidentally burns down a gazebo. His new friends love it. Back at the party, Stan sees the smoke from the gazebo in the distance and thinks the neighborhood is under attack. He starts firing into the air, ruining the party.

   Francine yells at Stan for stopping her from making friends and Hayley yells at him for racially profiling the Memaris. So Stan tries to dig up evidence on them. But when he breaks into their house to swat a fly away from a security camera he set up, Stan is thrown in jail.

   Steve’s new Scout friends steal the tires of a parked car and roll them into traffic, causing an accident. They give Steve a tire to roll, but he balks. The Scouts question his loyalty. Now out of jail, Stan invites the Memaris over for brunch. But only a ruse so Stan can lock them up in a detention center he’s built in the backyard. Upstairs, Steve tells Roger he’s going to run away to avoid the Scouts.

   Outside, Hayley has rallied the neighbors. They storm the house to free the Memaris. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger are heading out of town when the other Scouts see them. A bicycle chase ensues, with Steve and Roger crashes into a power station. When power to the neighborhood goes out, Stan thinks it’s another attack. He locks the entire neighborhood in the backyard. And when the Scouts find out that Steve cut power to everybody, they ditch him for going too far.

   Upset about the neighbors being locked up, Francine and Hayley save the day by turning it into a terrorist camp pool party. The police show up with a Stan Smith CIA sweatshirt that was found at the power station. Not knowing Roger was wearing it, Stan thinks he was brainwashed, so he takes himself into the shed and tortures himself for information. With everybody enjoying the sudden party, Francine thanks Stan for inadvertently working everything out
    

7. Jun 19, 2005: Deacon Stan, Jesus Man
   Stan is spying on his neighbor, Chuck White, desperate to beat him to church for once. Chuck gets a good start, so Stan races to the church like a madman. But Chuck still beats him to the shady parking spot. At church, the deacon chokes on a communion wafer. When Chuck volunteers to be the next deacon, Stan also volunteers. An election is necessary.

   That night, Francine makes potato salad for the deacon’s wake. But when Roger eats it all by mistake, he has to whip up a new batch. At the wake, the potato salad is such a hit, everybody supports Stan for deacon. Francine is confused. The potato salad had a secret ingredient she didn’t put in. Later, Roger explains that he’s going through his reproductive cycle and he accidentally lactated into the potato salad when he was making it.

   Worried about the secret getting out, Stan enlists Karl Rove to run his campaign. Rove suggests serving as much potato salad as possible. Stan milks Roger to get more of the secret sauce. Meanwhile, Steve is trying to cozy up to Betsy, Chuck White’s gymnast daughter. At a church event, Stan runs out of potato salad. His supporters immediately disappear. Rove orders Stan to never make that mistake again. Betsy’s mom, meanwhile, has banned her from ever seeing Steve again after catching Steve and Betsy holding hands.

   After Klaus tells Stan that Roger lactates more after eating, Stan hooks Roger up to a homemade contraption that continually feeds and milks him. But it breaks under the weight. Steve gives Roger CPR to make sure he’s okay. The next day, Stan wins the election. Roger’s feeling better, his reproductive cycle over. And Steve…finds out that he’s pregnant. Roger thinks Steve sucked out his egg during CPR. Stan has to keep this secret from the parish. But Francine advises Stan to be a father to his son.

   Stan rents a camper and takes the family down to Mexico to get Steve a certain surgical procedure. But when Steve says he’ll have the procedure so his dad can beat Chuck White, Stan thinks he’s a terrible person and tells Steve to keep the baby. Back at home, Betsy climbs a tree so she can kiss Steve through the window. The next Sunday, Stan resigns his deaconship. Meanwhile, Steve finds that he’s no longer pregnant. Roger asks who he’s been kissing now. Steve runs outside to find a pregnant Betsy being shoved into a cab by her disappointed parents
    

8. 11 Sep 05 Bullocks To Stan
   When a colleague leaves for health reasons, Stan assumes he’ll be promoted to the job. Meanwhile, Hayley takes Jeff out on a breakup hike. She complains that he agrees with her too much and doesn’t challenge her. At home, Stan prepares for the CIA family carnival, figuring it’s his chance to impress Director Bullock and secure his promotion.

   At the carnival, Steve finds Dick Cheney’s Blackberry. And Stan is talking to Bullock when Hayley approaches. Bullock and Hayley begin mocking each other’s views, and Stan doesn’t defend his daughter. Later, Steve and Roger begin playing with Cheney’s Blackberry.

   The next day, Stan visits Bullock at home, only to find Hayley there, wearing a robe and drinking coffee. She and Bullock hooked up. Hayley tells Stan that she likes how Bullock challenges her. Stan is about to explode, but Bullock says it’s time to start discussing his promotion.

   At the office, Stan quickly tires of hearing his colleagues discuss Bullock’s new girlfriend. He’s about to tell Bullock off, but the idea of the promotion again stops him short. Later that night, Francine yells at Stan for not telling Bullock off. She says if Stan doesn’t say something, she will. Seeing Jeff on the front lawn pleading for Hayley back, Stan decides he’ll turn Jeff into a man so he can get Hayley back from Bullock.

   But the next morning, Bullock comes down for breakfast at Stan’s house. Stan is about to kill Bullock, but Bullock says he’s going to officially announce Stan’s promotion today. But during the Congressional announcement, Hayley calls Bullock and dumps him for Jeff. Outside, Bullock tells Stan that if he kills Jeff, he’ll give Stan the promotion.

   Back at home, Stan orders Hayley to get back together with Bullock. She refuses, so Stan and Bullock take Jeff hunting. But mainly so they can kill him. When they offer to give Jeff a thirty second head start, Jeff jumps in Stan’s car and drives off. He frantically calls Hayley and asks her to save him. Bullock and Stan catch up with Jeff at a diner, and Hayley rushes in at the same time. Bullock throws Jeff into a wall, and Hayley makes it clear that it’s over with Bullock.

   Bullock calls Hayley a slut and Stan and Bullock begin fighting. Stan gets the upper hand and is about to kill Bullock when Bullock claims that Stan passed the test. He says he staged the whole thing as an elaborate trial before promoting Stan. Hayley tells Stan not to believe it, but he’s happy enough to get the promotion that he doesn’t care.
    

9. 18 Sep 05 A Smith In The Hand
   Hayley criticizes Roger for sitting on his ass all day, which leads to a fight. Steve comes in and asks his father to sign a permission slip to allow him to join sex education at school. Stan and Francine talk to Steve’s principal about the class. Stan demands that a wholesome, family-friendly alternative to sex ed is offered, and Stan ends up teaching the class. Which only Steve enrolls in.

   Stan tells Steve that he doesn’t need to know or wonder anything about sex. That night at home, Steve says he still has more questions. And Roger announces that he’s decided to get his bartending license. Upstairs, Stan tells Steve that if he has sex before marriage, angels will kill him. But this won’t be hard, because he won’t get urges before then. Steve wonders about masturbation, so Stan plays a filmstrip for him in which a young boy touches himself, then screams as his eyeballs melt.

   Stan then introducing Steve to hobbying as a way to keep idle hands busy and avoid self-pleasure. First up is woodburning. Stan places a board in his lap and tells Steve to burn it. But Steve misses and severely burns Stan’s crotch. Francine gives him a balm for the burn, but Stan doesn’t know how to apply it. He calls the CIA doctor, who’s in the middle of heart surgery on Dick Cheney. He tells Stan to apply the balm manually to the afflicted area. Cheney begins dying and the doctor begins shouting at him. Stan thinks the doctors is yelling at him and begins tugging on himself, eventually getting himself off for the first time ever.

   Stan spends the next two days constantly pleasuring himself. Meanwhile, Roger has set up a bar in the attic. The next morning, Francine is driving Steve to school when she realizes she forgot to put on underwear. They turn around and head home, where Steve is about to have yet another round. Francine is about to catch Stan in the act when he hears a floorboard creak. He turns to face the window, then walks into the closet, never turning around. In the closet alone, Stan sees Timmy, the young boy whose eyes melted. Timmy advises him to not get caught.

   Stan checks into a seedy motel by himself. At home, Francine is finishing up her spring cleaning, which always makes her hot. Stan comes in and tries to avoid his marital duties with her. She sees a plastic surgeon about some sprucing up. And Stan starts jonesing, having used up all of his prescription ointment. He desperately throws himself back into his hobbies, hoping it’ll fill the void. But it doesn’t, so he decides to go one last round.

   Steve, who’s cleaning the gutters, looks in the bedroom window and catches Stan. Steve retreats to Roger’s bar to drink away the pain. Stan comes to do the same, and they have a talk. Steve calls Stan a hypocrite, but Stan says TV forced him to do it. Stan takes Steve to go save America from TV’s dirty influence. A special Senate committee gives Stan full control of the airwaves in Langley Falls.

   Up in Roger’s bar, Francine is complaining that Stan is ignoring her. Roger breaks the news that Stan’s been abusing himself recently and Steve caught him redhanded. Down at the local TV station, Stan and Steve are doing family friendly programming. Francine comes in and tells Steve the urges he’s feeling are natural. Stan finally agrees and gives Steve a talk about the bird and bees. In incredibly filthy detail. On live TV.
    

10. 25 Sep 05 All About Steve
    Bullocks is choppered to the top of a dam, where Stan informs him that cyber terrorists have hacked into the dam’s computers and shut it down, causing statewide blackouts. Stan hands Bullock a faxed note, which is written in a language neither of them has seen before. The CIA’s best codebreaker is flown in, but his chopper crashes into the dam and he dies.

    Not sure what to do, the agents break for softball practice. At the practice, other agents start bragging about their strong and athletic sons. At home, Steve is playing Magick: The Gathering in the basement. Roger is about to serve the boys drinks when Hayley stops him. Roger is becoming desperate to socialize with humans, so Hayley promises to help him figure out a safe way to do so.

    Stan takes Steve to the batting cages. Every pitch hits Steve in the face. Later, Stan offers to take Steve to a baseball game, but it’s the same day as a sci-fi convention. Stan takes Steve and his three nerdy friends to the game. At the game, Steve and his friends take off their jackets to reveal Star Trek uniforms. Fearing his son is a geek, Stan runs away in horror. Running all the way home, Stan runs into Steve’s bedroom, sees all of the geek toys and cries out in agony.

    Meanwhile, Hayley has Roger out on the street wearing a giant juice cup and handing out flyers. This after she took him to the beach earlier wearing a burkha. At home the next morning, Stan tells Steve that the father/son softball game has been rained out. Then he heads off to the game with a black teenager, Darnelle, he found at the batting cages. At the same time, Steve goes outside and sees that his dad rigged a rain machine over Steve’s window. Steve rushes over to the softball field just in time to see Stan call Darnelle son.

    Out on the street, Roger is accosted by a man in a giant taco costume who accuses Roger of stealing his business. The taco begins pummeling Roger. Stan comes home from the game and finds Steve waiting for him in the dining room. Steve tells him off. Then he finds Francine waiting for in the kitchen. She does the same. Then he finds Roger waiting for him in the bathroom. Roger tells him he got beat up by a taco. Stan begins grinding his teeth, so hard that a tooth pops out.

    The next day, the dentist tells Stan he needs braces. Over at Langley, the agents are mocking Stan’s new braces and stress rash. They’re treating him like a regular geek, they are! The agents then ditch Stan using the same rain trick he used on Steve. At home, Francine tells Stan that now he knows how he made Steve feel. Stan heads down to the basement to apologize to Steve. Steve doesn’t want to hear it, and lays an elf curse card on Stan. Stan immediately recognizes the writing as being the same as the terrorist’s note.

    Stan begs Steve to help him translate the note and he agrees. The boys start pouring over the notes. Steve sees “From the desk of Steve Vevver.” Recognizing Steve Vevver as a contributing editor to Wizards and Shut-Ins magazine, the group races over to the science fiction convention. As they go, Hayley realizes that would be the perfect place for Roger to meet people. At the convention, the guys look for Vevver. And Roger roams around, enjoying being out in the open. Which causes problems when a man named Kurt recognizes Roger as the alien who once kidnapped and probed him. Roger blows him off.

    During a panel discussion on Star Wars vs. Lord of the Rings, Vevver is speaking when Stan barges in. Vevver tells the crowd that Stan is the man who convinced Lucas to not release the original, untouched version of Star Wars on DVD, and the crowd attacks, allowing Vevver to escape. Stan quickly fights them off and runs after Vevver, capturing him with Steve’s help.
     

11. 02 Oct 05 Con Heir
    Bullock tells Stan that they’ve found an Al Qaeda training camp in remote Algeria. The CIA is going to infiltrate the camp. Stan is excited to go, but Bullock tells him that because he’s a family man, he has to stay back in Langley and book their flights.

    At home, Steve is sitting on the couch with his grandpa when Roger walks in. Roger tells Grandpa that he’s just a faded memory. Stan comes home, complaining about how his career is stalled. Francine says he at least has a loving family, but that isn’t enough for Stan. He’s a killing machine. Francine advises Stan to talk to Bullock. Stan decides he’ll put a bomb in Bullock’s office and defuse it to show what he’s got.

    The next day, Bullock finds the bomb. Stan pulls out his instruction to defuse it, but his glasses fall off his face and break. Agent Duper comes in and save the day. Stan comes home and again complains, but Steve has bigger news. Grandpa is dead. At the funeral, super spy Jack Smith choppers in. Stan introduces him to the family as Stan’s real father. The family is outraged that Stan hid this secret. But Stan is thrilled to have his real dad back. He’s also excited to hear Jack’s stories about working for the super-secret Scarlet Alliance.

    Steve is cleaning out his fake grandpa’s apartment at the retirement home when an old friend, Gretchen, drops by. They briefly share memories, then start making out. That night, Francine is frustrated by Stan’s unabashed admiration of his father. At the same time, Roger is raving about him to Hayley. Roger is developing quite the crush.

    The next day, Jack tells Stan he’s retiring and asks Stan to take his place. If he can help Jack complete one last mission in Langley Falls, the job is Stan’s. Jack goes over the mission with Stan. They have to break into the National Gallery of Art because terrorist have smuggled uranium into the country inside Egyptian artwork. Jack and Stan have to get the uranium before the terrorists do.

    The FBI drops by the Smith household. Francine answers the door. They tell her they’re looking for a jewel thief. Jack fits the physical description perfectly. Later, while Stan is exercising outside, Francine confronts Jack about his real identity. She says if he doesn’t Stan the truth, she will.

    Meanwhile, Steve tells his school friends about his torrid affair with Gretchen. At home that night, Stan tells Francine that Jack told him the truth. Francine’s a spy. Stan tasers her and jails her in a Plexiglas box in the basement. Steve drops by the retirement home for another bout with Gretchen. But when he gets inside, he sees Snot’s jeans hanging on a chair. Steve is heartbroken.

    Jack and Steve begin their break-in. And Roger finds Francine in her clear jail. He’s about to let her out when she says Jack told Stan she was a spy. Roger’s mancrush kicks in and he leaves Francine in the basement. Back at the museum, Jack and Stan break into the vault. Stan starts looking for the uranium, but Jack just collects valuables. Stan realizes Francine was right. He tells Jack he’s not going to run off to an island with him. Jack locks him in the vault and takes off.

    Stan escapes from the vault and finds Jack outside. A chase ensues. Stan catches Jack before too long. Jack apologizes, so Stan takes the jewels and him free. Stan rushes home and apologizes to Francine.
     

12. 6 Nov 05 Stan of Arabia (Part 1)
    Stan and his cohorts meet at a park to discuss planning a surprise 25 th anniversary for Bullock. Bullock, of course, is spying on them and Stan takes all of the credit for the party idea. Bullock is pleased. At home, Stan tells Francine the good news. She’s in charge of planning Bullock’s party for Saturday. Except that’s the same night Francine is appearing in a play.

    Meanwhile, Hayley and Steve take in the new Michael Moore movie, which features him making love to Angelina Jolie. Hayley is outraged by his selling out. It’s Saturday night. Stan is getting ready for the party. Francine is dressed for her play. She’s ignoring Stan’s demands, declaring marriage to be an equal partnership.

    At the party, Stan accidentally kills Jay Leno and has to perform the roast by himself. It goes horribly wrong and Stan is thrown out. Then Stan begins singing a song about how he doesn’t want an equal partner, he wants a wife who will listen to his every demand.

    The next day, Bullock relocates Stan and his family to Saudi Arabia as a punishment for the roast. The family seems to like a chance to experience new things, but Roger freaks out that Saudi Arabia bans alcohol. Meanwhile, Stan receives his new mission, overseeing guards protecting a pipeline that’s being built.

    As the family adjusts to the new culture, Francine finds that she likes the neighboring women, although she doesn’t like how they cater to their men. Stan, however, learns about the country’s strict moral codes from his new coworkers and finds that he loves it. Loves it. And Steve is thrilled to find out that not only is he considered a man, he can shoot guns whenever he wants.

    Stan begins throwing orders around, but Francine resists. At the same time, Hayley is begging Steve to accompany her to the bazaar so she can leave the house. Roger, hidden in a burka, goes with them. At home that night, Stan introduces Francine to his new second wife. Back at the bazaar, Steve sells Roger to a man who thinks Roger is a woman. With his new money, Steve buys a Mercedes, sunglasses and grenades.

    During a dinner party, Stan enjoys his new friends, even accepting a robe as a gift. But Francine engages in a brutal fight with Stan’s second wife. Bullock calls and tells Stan he can have his old job in the States back, but Stan says he kinda likes Saudi Arabia. As for the family, well, Steve just crashed his Mercedes into an oil derrick in the middle of nowhere, Roger is being taken to a remote location by his new husband, and Hayley is running from the morals police. Stan angrily tells Bullock he renounces his American citizenship. He’ll be staying on the Arabian peninsula.
     

13. 13 Nov 05 Stan of Arabia (Part 2)
    Last time, we were in Saudi Arabia. This time, we still are. Stan meditates a dispute between Francine and his new wife. Francine demands that Stan put them on a plane back to the States, but he reminds her that in Saudi Arabia, what the man says goes. Meanwhile, Hayley is cornered by the vice police, but a strange man intervenes and says he’s escorting her to save her.

    And out in the desert, Steve comes to after crashing his Mercedes into an oil derrick. Roger is delivered to his new husband, who is very wealthy. Seeing alcohol flowing freely, Roger no longer minds his servitude. Hayley is still hitting off with Kazi, who lets it slip that he’s in Al Qaeda. She begs him not to blow up the American embassy, then passionately kisses him.

    Back in Langley, Bullock gets a call from Francine asking him to give Stan his job back. Bullock informs her that he already made the offer, but Stan turned him down. Steve is wandering through the desert. He prays to God for help and God in the form of Angelina Jolie descends from the heavens. Roger is enjoying his plush life as a concubine when his new husband comes in, ready to consummate the relationship.

    Elsewhere, Hayley and Kazi have already consummated theirs. In the bazaar, Francine confronts Stan about Bullock’s offer. Stan says his word rules, so Francine breaks into a song about how awful Saudi Arabia is, stripping down into her underwear during the number. When she finishes, the moral police arrest her.

    Stan visits Francine in jail, and when he learns that her cellmate has been in jail for 23 years for stealing an Almond Joy, agrees to go to the embassy to get help for Francine. Meanwhile, Roger is trying to avoid relations by telling his husband about the glorious epic that is Beverly Hills, 90210.

    Out in the desert, God tells Steve to stop worrying about becoming a man and advises him to enjoy his childhood as long as possible. Hayley wakes up and finds a note from Kazi waiting for her. He’s going through with his plan to attack the U.S. embassy. The same embassy that Stan just walked into. Hayley sprints over.

    When she gets there, Hayley finds Kazi…working at a Shwarma King stand. Other girls laugh at her, saying Kazi tricks all American girls into thinking he’s a terrorist. Inside, the consulate tells Stan he can get an American out of jail with no problem. He just needs to see Stan’s passport. Problem is, he tore it up.

    Steve returns from the desert and tells the townspeople he has spoken with God, and God gave him a perfect plan to create peace in the Middle East. The townspeople hail Steve as a visionary, until he mentions that God is a woman. They can’t wrap their heads around this and decide to kill Steve.

    At her trial, Francine is sentenced to death by stoning. Stan declares that he won’t let Francine die alone, he’s going to be stoned with her. At the stoning, Steve is put next to family for calling God a woman. And Hayley’s there too. But before the audience can start chucking rocks, President Bush choppers in an declares that democracy has arrived. He throws an American flag through the judge and pulls the Smiths out of the ground. Except…that was all just a dream Stan had.

    The throwers pick up their stones. But the judge gets a call ordering the Smiths released. It turns out, Roger had his husband make the call. The Smiths arrive back on American soil and Stan kisses the ground.
     

14. 20 Nov 05 Stannie Get Your Gun
    Last time, we were in Saudi Arabia. This time, we still are. Stan meditates a dispute between Francine and his new wife. Francine demands that Stan put them on a plane back to the States, but he reminds her that in Saudi Arabia, what the man says goes. Meanwhile, Hayley is cornered by the vice police, but a strange man intervenes and says he’s escorting her to save her.
    
    And out in the desert, Steve comes to after crashing his Mercedes into an oil derrick. Roger is delivered to his new husband, who is very wealthy. Seeing alcohol flowing freely, Roger no longer minds his servitude. Hayley is still hitting off with Kazi, who lets it slip that he’s in Al Qaeda. She begs him not to blow up the American embassy, then passionately kisses him.
    
    Back in Langley, Bullock gets a call from Francine asking him to give Stan his job back. Bullock informs her that he already made the offer, but Stan turned him down. Steve is wandering through the desert. He prays to God for help and God in the form of Angelina Jolie descends from the heavens. Roger is enjoying his plush life as a concubine when his new husband comes in, ready to consummate the relationship.
    
    Elsewhere, Hayley and Kazi have already consummated theirs. In the bazaar, Francine confronts Stan about Bullock’s offer. Stan says his word rules, so Francine breaks into a song about how awful Saudi Arabia is, stripping down into her underwear during the number. When she finishes, the moral police arrest her.
    
    Stan visits Francine in jail, and when he learns that her cellmate has been in jail for 23 years for stealing an Almond Joy, agrees to go to the embassy to get help for Francine. Meanwhile, Roger is trying to avoid relations by telling his husband about the glorious epic that is Beverly Hills, 90210.
    
    Out in the desert, God tells Steve to stop worrying about becoming a man and advises him to enjoy his childhood as long as possible. Hayley wakes up and finds a note from Kazi waiting for her. He’s going through with his plan to attack the U.S. embassy. The same embassy that Stan just walked into. Hayley sprints over.
    
    When she gets there, Hayley finds Kazi…working at a Shwarma King stand. Other girls laugh at her, saying Kazi tricks all American girls into thinking he’s a terrorist. Inside, the consulate tells Stan he can get an American out of jail with no problem. He just needs to see Stan’s passport. Problem is, he tore it up.
    
    Steve returns from the desert and tells the townspeople he has spoken with God, and God gave him a perfect plan to create peace in the Middle East. The townspeople hail Steve as a visionary, until he mentions that God is a woman. They can’t wrap their heads around this and decide to kill Steve.
    
    At her trial, Francine is sentenced to death by stoning. Stan declares that he won’t let Francine die alone, he’s going to be stoned with her. At the stoning, Steve is put next to family for calling God a woman. And Hayley’s there too. But before the audience can start chucking rocks, President Bush choppers in an declares that democracy has arrived. He throws an American flag through the judge and pulls the Smiths out of the ground. Except…that was all just a dream Stan had.
    
    The throwers pick up their stones. But the judge gets a call ordering the Smiths released. It turns out, Roger had his husband make the call. The Smiths arrive back on American soil and Stan kisses
     
15. 27 Nov 05 Star Trek
    Steve has Stan sign his report card, and Francine notices that the boy is failing English. Steve claims that his teacher hates him. But a visit with the teacher reveals that Steve is failing because he had his Japanese friend Yoshi write a paper for him. Steve claims that creative writing is hard, so Stan takes him upstairs to introduce him to Patriot Pigeon, the 3,012 volume series that Stan has written.
    
    It doesn’t get the creative juices flowing, so Stan glues Steve’s hand to the desk, forcing him to write. Seeing Roger on a drunken bender after Klaus told him he’s a nobody, not a somebody like the celebrities he loves so much, Steve finally has an idea. At home later, Stan gets a letter from P&Q Publishing. He thinks they want to publish Patriot Pigeon, but in fact, they want to publish Roger the Alien, the story Steve wrote for his class.
    
    Steve has a book signing, which makes Stan’s incredibly jealous. But when Francine points out that people will recognize that Steve came from Stan, Stan wants to up the promotion. The publisher says if Steve has the #1 children’s book, he can get on the television show Cap’n Monty’s Book Cavalcade. But Steve needs a hook for that.
    
    Stan’s brainstorm is to make Steve the bad boy of the children’s book world. Steve stops eating is vegetables, starts talking to strangers and runs with scissors, which makes him wildly popular in the children’s literary world. The book hits #1 and Steve is booked on the show. Meanwhile, at home, Roger finally reads the book and is furious with Steve’s portrayal of him.
    
    Steve starts to chafe at the fame. Backstage before Steve’s television appearance, an agent tells him how to deal with the pressure of being pulled in different directions by his family. On the show, Steve announces that he’s going to divorce his parents. After a quick trial, Steve is free and begins enjoying a wealthy lifestyle, including a pool filled with cherry Jell-o. Roger decides to strike back.
    
    He sneaks into Steve’s mansion to kill him. Except he finds the guy who’s going to play Steve in the upcoming movie first. Roger scares the actor into the Jell-o pool, then begins freaking out, thinking he’s killed him. Realizing things are out of control, Steve goes back to his parents. Who help him hide the dead body
     
16. 18 Dec, 2005: Not Particularly Desperate Housewives
    While grocery shopping with her friend Linda, Francine sees a prestigious group of housewives called, “The Ladybugs” walk into the store. Francine approaches the ladies looking for an in, but the Ladybugs reject her. As Francine leaves the store, a crowd is surrounding the body of a woman who has been crushed to death in the shopping cart return. Before police officers can off the dead woman’s dog, Francine volunteers to take care of it.
    
    Hayley catches Steve and Klaus reading her diary and locks Steve and Klaus in her bedroom closet.
    
    Francine returns home with the dog, which she has named “Fussy.” Stan doesn’t want Fussy because it isn’t a manly dog. Francine says if he wants to get rid of the dog, he must find it a good home.
    
    Stan takes Fussy and tries to get it adopted on a morning talk show and when that fails, he leaves the dog on the side of the road.
    
    Later, the doorbell rings, and Stan finds Fussy sitting on the head of a dragon. Roger enters the room, and Fussy tries to chase him down. Stan realizes that Fussy might have potential after all.
    
    Francine goes to a Ladybugs arrives art gallery event but before she can talk to the Ladybugs, she ends up making a mess of her dress. When the valet tries to help her, things only get worse. The Ladybugs see Francine exit a supply closet with the valet and believe Francine is having an affair with him. The Ladybugs admit to having affairs and think that Francine is Ladybug material.
    
    Stan, dressed in a pink polo goes to work, and brings Fussy with. Bullock gives Stan a mission, but Stan passes on it because he now has Fussy depends on him.
    
    Roger scours the cupboards for snacks, and only finds Fussy’s treats. Roger discovers that when he smells like treats, Fussy doesn’t growl at him. Roger plans to use Fussy to get back at Stan.
    
    Steve and Klaus are now hardcore closet prisoners. Steve inks a tattoo on his arm and Klaus inquires about getting a shiv.
    
    Francine tells the Ladybugs that she wants out and comes clean about the fake affair. Since Francine has dirt on the Ladybugs, the Ladybugs want dirt on Francine. They give her twenty-four hours to have a real affair or they’ll kill her.
    
    Francine thinks she’s safe in her home, but the Ladybugs have burned several of Stan’s shirts and switched the spices in her spice rack. The Ladybugs call and tell her if they can get into her home, they can get to Stan.
    
    Francine comes clean to Stan about her fake affair so he can help her. Stan swears to protect his wife until Roger makes Stan jealous when he pretends that Fussy gave him a gift certificate to a spa.
    
    Francine seeks help from the police department, but a female officer shows Francine her Ladybug broach and Francine flees. She heads to the editor of the Langley Falls Post and he tells her to talk to his assistant. Francine turns to a young woman who pushes back her hair and reveals another Ladybug broach.
    
    Stan goes to the pet store for advice on how to win back Fussy from Roger. A pet store employee tells Stan that he has to show the dog that he’s the alpha male. When Stan returns home, he jumps Roger and begins to beat him in front of Fussy.
    
    Stan chases Roger down to finish the job. When he finally corners Roger, Roger punches Stan in the groin and drops him to his knees. When Roger turns his back, Stan grabs him and throws him through the wall and into a closet. Stan then notices that Fussy has escaped out the front door.
    
    Steve and Klaus slowly crawl out of the hole in the wall created by Roger’s body. Hayley says they’re free to go, but Steve and Klaus are used to a life behind bars and opt to stay in the closet.
    
    The Ladybugs corner Francine in the grocery store parking lot and chain her to a cart return at the grocery store when Stan shows up. Francine thinks he’s there to save her, but just looking for Fussy. He finds Fussy in a dark alley licking the face of a sleeping homeless man. Stan knows that Fussy can never give her love to just one man.
    
    Linda arrives to stop the Ladybugs before the crush Francine in the cart return. Linda asks that they let her say goodbye to Francine and passionately kisses Francine. The kiss is enough for the Ladybugs to have enough dirt on Francine to let her live. The kiss between Linda and Francine ends awkwardly when Francine is blind to Linda’s crush on her.
     
17. 08 Jan, 2006: Rough Trade
    Roger starts the day off like he always does, with a drink and a smoke. He rolls out of bed and knocks his beloved TV off its stand, bringing a quick death to the TV.
    
    Stan tears apart the kitchen looking for his manual to the “ES Weapon System.” Steve asks Stan some advice about how he can ask out Carly Mills, but Stan is preoccupied with trying to find the manual. A monkey screams into the kitchen with the manual in its arms. Hayley explains that the monkey was rescued from product testing lab and her animal protection group is expecting her to take car of it. Finally, Roger stumbles into the kitchen, near drunk, and tells Stan that he needs a new TV. Stan refuses to buy a new one and calls his family “ungrateful babies.”
    
    Bullock introduces the new Exoskeletal Weapon System with sitting Stan behind the controls. The weapon is a giant robot suit with massive claws and missiles. Bullock asks a female Senator from California to come up for a demonstration. All Stan has to do is gently remove the pearls from the Senator’s neck using the machine. Stan blindly hits a few of the thousand buttons on the control panel. The robot seems to be working perfectly, then goes berserk and severely injures the Senator.
    
    A despondent Stan heads to the local tavern and ends up drinking too much. He calls home and asks Hayley to pick him up. When the car arrives, it’s Roger behind the wheel. Instead of driving home, Roger drives to Big Buy so Stan can buy a new TV. Stan refuses and Roger drives off. He doesn’t make it far and crashes into some parked cars. Before the cops arrive, Roger hides in the trunk and Stan gets busted for driving drunk.
    
    At home, Stan is under house arrest with a monitor on his ankle. Francine tells him that he can help redecorate. Roger tells Francine and Stan that he’s going out to see a show, and Stan tells him he can’t stick him with a DUI and then leave. Stan and Roger argue about whether or not they could handle a day in each other’s shoes. Roger agrees to get a job and Stan says he’ll live in the attic.
    
    The next morning, Roger gets ready for work. Stan doesn’t think Roger will make it through the day. But Roger already has a leg up on Stan. He’s helping Steve win over Carly, he told Hayley she could keep the monkeys, and he’s going to help Francine redecorate the house.
    
    Later, Stan embraces Roger’s lifestyle by watching game shows and drinking wine.
    
    Roger gets a job at a local car dealership. There’s a sales contest going on and Roger meets Maria, who threatens to win the contest at any cost. After that, Roger meets Phillip, who befriends Roger and tells him that Maria is ruthless.
    
    The family loves Roger playing the part of father. Steve says he’s ready for the next step in winning Carly, and Roger suggests they’ll take some suggestive photos of him later.
    
    Stan sits in the attic, starting to think that maybe Roger is right and he’s feeling useless.
    
    Roger falls asleep at work. The boss wakes him up and tells him that he has yet to sell a car. Either he sells, or he’s fired. Phillip overhears and tells Roger he’ll help Roger win the sales contest.
    
    The next morning, the chaos is getting to Roger. He’s been up all night reading up on cars, Francine is nagging him about paint colors and the monkeys are running wild. Finally, Steve comes in furious. Calry took the photos of Steve and posted them on the internet. In frustration, Roger accidentally strikes Francine in the face and gives her a black eye. Roger tells her that Stan can’t know the truth.
    
    At the car dealership, Roger is a selling-machine. He’s making deals all day.
    
    The cops show up at the Smith household. Francine answers and they see her black eye, followed by Stan telling them that she “walked into a door.” Francine excuses herself and Stan to the kitchen. The cops find the pictures of Steve and accidentally let the monkeys loose. They draw their guns and go to arrest Stan. Francine tells Stan the truth about Roger hitting her and he tries to leave the house but the ankle monitor electrocutes him and slows him down.
    
    At the car dealership, the boss announces the winner of the sales contest. It’s Phillip. Both Maria and Roger are stunned. Phillip had tricked Roger into using Phillip’s sales ID, therefore it appears as though Phillip had sold twice as many cars. The boss fires Roger.
    
    Roger visits Stan in jail and Roger admits that the Smith family is lucky to have Stan as the bread winner. They put aside their differences and conspire to use Phillip as a cover for all the stuff the cops found in the Smith home. The cops take Phillip away and set Stan free.
     
18. 29 Jan, 2006: Finances with Wolves
    Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve are shopping at the Langley Falls Shopping Mall. Hayley is disgusted that the mall has ruined the land of indigenous people, meanwhile Stan is spending his $20,000 bonus on things he doesn’t need. Francine sees a kiosk available for rent and she wants to fulfill her dream of managing one. Francine gives Steve a bag of muffins to take to the movies, Steve says his friends would pay to have her muffins. Hayley takes a walk outside and sees that mall expansion is destroying more land.
    
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    Steve and his friends go to the movies and see The Soiling, which promises to be the scariest werewolf film ever.
    
    Roger paces around the attic, watching his sea monkeys grow in a flower vase. In celebration of their birth, Roger opens a bottle of champagne and then shares a drop with the sea monkeys. The drop instantly kills them.
    
    Francine asks Stan for five-thousand dollars to open her muffin kiosk in the mall. Stan calls it a terrible idea. Klaus tells Francine that if he had a body, he would buy her the kiosk, amongst other things.
    
    On their way home, Steve and his friends are talking about The Soiling. Steve is jumped by a wolf and is afraid that he might turn into a werewolf during the next full moon.
    
    Hayley sneaks into the construction site at night hoping to damage the construction equipment. She’s met by another group of extreme conservationists, whose leader Arborious, is buried waist high in a pot and believes he is a tree trapped in a man’s body. Hayley agrees to join their fight against the mall expansion.
    
    Roger holds a service in the woods for his departed sea monkeys. Suddenly, a wolf comes out of the woods. Instead of seeing the danger, Roger sees a new pet and starts to lead the wolf home by using Francine’s muffins.
    
    Stan uses the last of his bonus to buy a pair of rocket boots. However, the clerk tells Stan that he’s about five-thousand dollars short. Stan is confused but then hears that there’s a new muffin kiosk opening. Stan thought that he had talked Francine out of opening the kiosk, but Francine tells him that her muffins are selling well. Stan demands his five-thousand dollars back and Francine opens the register and hands it over. Stan is amazed she’s made so much money so fast.
    
    Hayley and the environmentalists are making their plans to stop the mall expansion. Arborious tells Hayley that to prove her loyalty, she needs to make out with a tree.
    
    At the Smith house, Steve’s friends tie him up to make sure that he doesn’t transform into a werewolf overnight and harm anyone.
    
    Stan is mad that Francine didn’t leave dinner for him, and macaroni and cheese proves to be a challenge for the top CIA agent. Klaus tells Stan that he used to be a great cook and if Stan put Klaus’s brain back into a body, he can cook for him.
    
    The wolf breaks free from the attic and sneaks outside to maul a stray dog. The wolf jumps back in through Steve’s window and onto Steve’s bed. While Steve is sleeping, the wolf shakes off the blood all over Steve and his room.
    
    Stan takes Klaus to the lab and performs the brain transplant.
    
    Steve wakes up and sees blood and paw prints all over his room. He still thinks that he is becoming a wolf every night.
    
    Stan brings the new Klaus into the kitchen, his brain is now in the body that belonged to the lead singer of an Earth, Wind and Fire cover band. Klaus hits Stan over the head with frying pan and flushes his old fish body down the drain. Klaus ties Stan up in the kitchen before he heads out on the town to update his look. He goes from soul man to a slick playboy.
    
    Steve tells his friends that he’s a werewolf and he has taken a life after seeing the blood in his bedroom. He tells them that they have to kill him to prevent anymore harm.
    
    Klaus heads to the mall and buys all of Francine’s muffins so she can join him for dinner. Klaus tells her that he’s more interested in her business thoughts, than her body. Francine doesn’t recognize Klaus’ voice. In the food court, Klaus says all the right things to win Francine.
    
    Steve and his friends meet in the woods and prepare to kill Steve in order to stop him from becoming a werewolf. At the same time, Roger, dressed in a Santa hat, pulls the wolf into the woods and poses for a Christmas photo. When the timer on the camera goes off, the flash scares the wolf, who breaks its leash and heads over the hills.
    
    Stan charges through the mall, gun in hand, prepared to kill Klaus. Stan confronts Francine and Klaus and reveals to Francine that the man she has been talking to is Klaus in a new body. Before they can go any further, Arborious and his group declare that they have a bomb and plan to destroy the mall.
    
    Steve holds a gun loaded with a silver bullet and tells his friends that they’re all worthy of killing him, but only one can. The boys struggle over the gun and in the process knock Steve down a hill. Steve’s unconscious body rolls down the hill and collides with Roger’s loose wolf. The wolf dashes back up the hill, and the boys think that Steve has transformed. The wolf snarls at them and then dashes away. Snot fires the gun blindly at the wolf, which runs down the hill unharmed. Steve wakes up and climbs back the up hill, believing the curse has been broken.
    
    Arborious preaches to the mall shoppers that American is destroying nature, and Hayley pleads with him to stop. But Arborious detonates the bomb anyway. Then he destroys a giant Native-American statue in the center of the mall. It topples towards Klaus, Stan and Francine. Klaus ducks for cover, while Stan pushes Francine out of the way to save her life. Francine realizes that Stan would die for her and that Stan truly does love her. Klaus’ however, is pinned under the rubble, his new body destroyed. Francine sees a solution, a tank full of goldfish in a pet store.
     
19. 26 Feb 2006: It's Good To Be Queen
    An 80’s homecoming dance rages at John DeLorean High School. Everyone is dancing the night away, and a teenage Stan Smith stands near a water fountain donning a pink keyboard tie and a white sport coat. A couple girls walk in and Stan tries to woo them into a dance, but they harshly reject him. A couple of jocks approach Stan and tell him that the homecoming queen wants to dance with him. After they force Stan up in the spotlight, the jocks open a crate full of pigs and they rain down on Stan. Everyone is laughing.
    
    Stan and Francine head off to Francine’s reunion. Francine doesn’t understand why Stan is so excited because it’s not even his reunion; they missed Stan’s after they mistakenly attended an insurance convention instead. Stan doesn’t care that no one will know him, all he cares about it dancing with the homecoming queen.
    
    With his parents gone, Steve and Roger fire off water balloons using Stan’s mortar. Roger suggests that if they got their hands on Stan’s missile launcher, they could get their revenge on the bully that gave Steve a black eye. When Mitch, a pizza delivery guy, pulls up, Steve and Roger soak him with balloons. But Mitch isn’t bothered and tells Steve that he isn’t bothered because he knows Steve isn’t soaking him, but all the bullies that have hurt him. Steve is awed by Mitch’s wise advice. Then, Roger destroys Mitch’s car with a live mortar round.
    
    Francine meets her best friend, Quacky, at the reunion and they go over where all their classmates are today, including Betty Sue, who lost the homecoming queen title by one vote. Since then Betty Sue has become obese and lonely.
    
    Steve and Roger invite Mitch into the house, and tell him that he can borrow Francine’s car to finish delivering his pizzas.
    
    Francine’s reunion committee goes through their class time capsule and find the homecoming queen ballot box. When the box opens, there are still two uncounted votes for Betty Sue. Francine actually didn’t win, but she doesn’t care. Stan however, begins to freak out. Francine gets upset that all Stan cared about was the fact that she was homecoming queen.
    
    Later, at the homecoming picnic, Stan arrives with Betty Sue. Francine is furious that Stan is with Betty Sue and Quacky asks Francine if she wants to stay with her. Then he tells Stan that he’s heartless and cruel.
    
    Mitch, Steve and Roger are delivering pizzas. Mitch’s Zen is starting to annoy Roger. When they arrive at the bully’s house, Mitch makes Steve deliver the pizza. Steve sees that the only reason the bully picks on him, is because the bully’s father picks on him.
    
    Francine rests at Quacky’s house with wine coolers and tissue. Quacky keeps calling from work to check on her. Outside, Stan reenacts the famous scene from Say Anything. He asks Francine to join him for dinner, just the two of them. Francine happily accepts. When Francine hugs Stan, he makes a phone call to the real Stan. The man with Francine is Stan’s CIA double, Bill. Stan sent him there to keep Francine away from the reunion dance.
    
    Bill takes Francine to dinner and begins reciting unnecessary details about one of the past dates Francine had with Stan.
    
    The real Stan forces his way into the reunion dance using Betty Sue. When he tells people that he’s allowed to do it because he’s with the homecoming queen, everyone laughs at him and tells him that if being with the homecoming queen is still important to him, then he’s still a loser. Then Stan tells everyone that he has a home, two kids and a wife that loves him…and he realizes he has a great life. He hurries outside to call his double off.
    
    Bill’s cell phone rings, and Francine quickly grabs is throws it away, thinking that it’s the CIA calling about work. She believes she’s with Stan and wants to go back to Quacky’s and get “freaky” with her husband. Bill starts to panic.
    
    Mitch continues driving Steve and Roger around town and trying to enlighten them. Steve is hanging on Mitch’s every word, but Roger continues to be negative about Mitch’s wisdom. They arrive at another house and Mitch asks Roger to make the delivery with him this time. After the delivery, Roger is beginning to understand. When they return to the car, Mitch and Roger see that Steve has run off, feeling abandoned by Mitch. Steve stole the remaining pizzas and threw them into the river.
    
    Stan gets to the restaurant looking for Bill. The host tells him that they left for the dance fifteen minutes before Stan got there.
    
    Mitch and Roger find Steve at home. Steve’s running off got Mitch fired, and Steve realizes that Mitch was only trying to help Steve.
    
    At the dance, Bill awkwardly dances with Francine, trying to keep a look out for Betty Sue and Stan. Betty Sue finds Bill and begins calling him filth, believing he is Stan. But then, the inebriated Betty Sue jumps him and makes out with him on the refreshment table.
    
    Francine, still thinking Bill is Stan, sees Betty Sue making out with Bill. Just then, the real Stan walks up. All eyes at the reunion are now on them. Stan tells Francine about Bill, and Francine is upset that Stan let her throw herself at Bill. Francine grabs Stan’s gun and Stan grabs Bill. The Bill and Stan wrestle and Francine can’t tell them apart, so she happily threatens to shoot them both. One of the Stans steps forward and says that all he wanted was for Francine to be happy. Francine thinks that it’s Bill talking and shoots the other Stan, which was actually Bill.
    
    A medical helicopter comes to take Bill away. As the helicopter leaves, it turns on its spotlight and hovers long enough for Stan and Francine to get their spotlight dance.
     
20. 23 Apr 06 Roger 'n Me
    Roger sits on the couch watching the news. They’re promoting the game show, Best Buddiez. Roger realizes that he doesn’t have a best friend and asks Stan to be his, as Stan leaves for a bachelor party. Stan coldly rejects Roger. Francine fills Stan’s suitcase with reminders of the family so that Stan will stay away from the female dancers. Roger offers to follow Stan to keep an eye on him.
    
    When Stan arrives in Atlantic City, he finds Roger hiding in his duffle bag and threatens to kill him. Stan backs off, and Roger begs to go to the party.
    
    Hayley waits for Steve at a sporting goods store as Steve tries on a swimsuit. Trudy, a girl far out of Steve’s league, exits the dressing room next to him. Steve pounces and tries to impress her, but she doesn’t even know his name. At the counter Hayley meets Miles, a handsome college man. Just as she’s about to ask him out, Trudy kisses Miles and they leave together. Hayley and Steve plan to break up Trudy and Miles so they can have them for themselves.
    
    Stan kicks open the door to the bachelor party, Roger stands at his side. All the men inside are dressed in suits, while Stan dons a “Federal Boobie Inspector” t-shirt. Stan finds his friend, Bobo, who insists that Stan was invited on accident. But Stan doesn’t listen and gives him a sex doll as a gift.
    
    The hotel throws Roger and Stan out and Stan questions how a person could change so much in twenty-two years.
    
    Roger makes Stan hit the town with him, and gets Stan to have a good time. They do everything from gambling to watching girls mud wrestle.
    
    At the gym, Steven and Hayley keep an eye on Miles and Trudy. Trudy reaches into Miles’ pocket and finds an earring. She doesn’t know that Steve is the one who planted it. Miles can’t explain and Trudy leaves angry. Hayley and Steve smile maniacally.
    
    Roger and Stan sit drunk in the hotel hot tub. Stan thanks Roger for helping have fun and Stan says that they’re best buds, by Earth standards. Roger tells Stan on his planet there’s a ritual that bonds friends for life. Roger is reluctant to do it, but Stan is adamant about it. Roger has Stan turn around, and suddenly Stan sings out loud.
    
    The next morning, Stan wakes up next to Roger on a beach chair. Stan tries to leave, but Roger wants to get breakfast. Stan wants his shirt back so they can leave.
    
    On the road home, Roger repeats Stan’s old memories, but Stan has none of Roger’s. Roger carelessly sips on a drink and tells Stan he’s happy they bonded.
    
    At home, Roger starts to tell Francine that they took their friendship to a new level, but Stan interrupts and says nothing happened. Roger is stunned that Stan wants to forget about what happened between them. Roger is crushed and Francine thinks something happened during the trip.
    
    Hayley calls Trudy and asks her a series of absurd questions while Steve records the conversation on his computer. He then turns around and dials Miles. Using his computer, Steve leaves a message using Trudy’s answers and makes it seems as though Trudy is calling for another man.
    
    Francine asks Roger what happened, but Roger refuses to admit anything and tells Francine to leave.
    
    Roger calls Stan at work and tells him that they need to talk, and that Francine is asking questions. Stan tells Roger to meet him behind Big Buy and not to tell Francine. After Roger and Stan hang up the phone, so does Francine who was listening to the phone call.
    
    Stan pulls up in his SUV and Roger gets in. Stan tries to give Roger ten thousand-dollars to leave the family. Roger says he just wanted a friend, but he never wants to see Stan again and jumps out. Stan sighs and begins to drive away, but that’s not what Roger wanted. He jumps back in the car, and fights with Stan over control of the car. Stan hits the gas and hits someone, but he doesn’t see who.
    
    Francine kneels behind the SUV, with listening equipment on her head, amazed she’s okay. Stan backs up to see what he hit, and in the process, drives over Francine.
    
    Francine is unconscious in a hospital bed, and Stan asks the doctor if his wife will be okay. The doctor says that Francine’s brain is detached from her central nervous system and it will cost almost one hundred and eighty thousand dollars.
    
    Miles and Trudy arrive in the park. Miles believes he’s going to catch Trudy and her new boyfriend, and Trudy thinks Miles is meeting earring girl. Hayley and Steve watch them fight from the bushes. The fight between Trudy and Miles escalates until Miles falls face first into a grill and Trudy is bitten by a crocodile. With Miles’ face scarred, and Trudy’s body a mess, Steve and Hayley want nothing to do with them.
    
    Stan holds a garage sale to raise money for Francine’s operation. Roger then has the bright idea to enter them on Best Buddies. Since Roger has all of Stan’s memories, they’ll be sure to win.
    
    That night on the game show, Roger and Stan breeze through the questions. Of the three couples, only one of them is giving them any competition. They’re winning by hundreds of points until the host announces the reversal round.
    
    Roger and Stan are ultimately down by ten points with one chance to win. The final question for Stan is, “What is Roger’s favorite movie?” Stan panics, he doesn’t know. Then Roger tells Stan to look into his heart. Stan smiles and blurts out, “White Chicks!”
    
    Roger and Stan stand over Francine at the hospital. They didn’t win the game show and don’t have money for her operation. Stan admits that Roger is a good friend and then moves to pull the plug on Francine. But Roger has a plan. He’ll steal the memories of the doctor and do the surgery himself.
    
    Two weeks later, Stan compliments Roger on a successful surgery. The kids are showing Francine flash cards, but Francine just mumbles and groans out an answer.
     
21. 30 Apr 06 Helping Handis
    At Groff Community College, Stan pouts that Francine tricked him into seeing Hayley’s student film. Hayley’s film begin and shows several important women in history followed by her mother cleaning toilets and sewing socks.
    
    On the way home, Francine is upset about how she was portrayed in Hayley’s film. As they pull up to their house, a wild party rages across the street.
    
    Stan bursts in the front door and sees Steve and his friends sitting around a chemistry set. Stan forces Steve out of the house and to the party.
    
    When Hayley comes home, Francine begs to know why Hayley would trivialize her life. Hayley says there are women changing the world while her mother stays at home building battleships out of cucumbers.
    
    Stan asks Klaus what he thinks Steve is doing at the party and hopes that Steve is and having a great time. Steve and his friends return from the party miserable and beat up. Snot tells Stan that those parties are for jocks.
    
    Steve sits on a bench next to his school’s pool, now forced to be part of the water polo team by Stan. Stan yells at the coach until the coach gives up and lets Steve play. Steve jumps in the pool and sinks to the bottom.
    
    When Steve regains consciousness, the jocks laugh at Steve’s failure and walk away.
    
    Francine attends a shady “One Day Change Your Life Workshop” where a woman tells her she can be certified as a rocket scientist, nuclear physicist, surgeon or federal court judge. Francine wants to be a surgeon.
    
    Stan has a plan to make Steve better at sports and make him popular. Stan hands Steve steroids that he was able to take from the CIA laboratory. But Steve says it doesn’t matter, he’ll never be like the popular guys. Stan won’t let him give up and Steve grabs the steroids and swallows them.
    
    Francine tells Hayley that she became a surgeon and shows Hayley her diploma, which Hayley points out is printed on the back of a take-out menu.
    
    Stan reads the paper when Steve comes downstairs in a rage. He tells his dad that he is experiencing a side effect. He takes off his robe and shows his father that he now has large breasts.
    
    Stan hands Steve several t-shirts to wear and ace bandages, then tells him the CIA scientist will be back from vacation in a few days. But until then they have to keep his chest hidden.
    
    Francine and Hayley meet in the hall where Francine angrily tells Hayley that she has a job interview at a hospital and she’s going to be a doctor.
    
    Steve tries to conceal his chest at school but the layers of clothes make him sweat. When he opens his shirt the most popular jock in school, Vince Chung compliments him on his chest.
    
    The man interviewing Francine tells her that her degree is a joke and that no one is going to hire her. As Francine leaves the hospital a van pulls up and the door opens. One man holds his bleeding friend and shouts that they need a doctor and they don’t have insurance. Francine jumps in the van.
    
    Stan picks Steve up from school and asks if anyone saw his chest. Steve lies and says no. Steve’s friends ask if he’s going to work on the science fair project as Vince and other jocks pull up in their jeep. They invite Steve to the river and Stan convinces Steve to go.
    
    Steve splashes around the river in a tank top while the jocks watch from shore.
    
    Francine finishes the stitches on the bleeding man’s arm. And older man, Johnny Four Legs, introduces everyone in the room. Blind Jimmy, Large Monty and Little Tex, and Deaf Teddy. Johnny offers Francine a fulltime job as a physician for the Handicapped Mafia.
    
    Steve comes home and Stan begs for details about his day.
    
    Francine walks in the front door covered in blood and Hayley can’t believe it. Francine’s pager beeps and she heads back to work. Hayley interrupts Steve telling his story to tell Stan about Francine.
    
    Stan throws a wild house party for Steve. Steve’s nerd friends arrive and Steve avoids working on the science project.
    
    Stan heads upstairs as the party rages on and finds Steve laying on his bed reading as a line of boys wait to feel Steve’s breasts. Stan throws everyone out of the party and orders Steve to stay in the house until his breasts are gone. But Steve is part of the popular crowd now and was invited to a party at Vince’s.
    
    Francine enters a handicapped strip club and walks into Johnny’s office. When she finds Large Monty and Blind Jimmy beating on a man tied to a chair, Francine wants out. But Johnny refuses. Deaf Teddy finds Hayley eavesdropping and drags her into the office.
    
    Stan races home with the antidote for Steve. Stan finds Steve’s bedroom window open and knows he’s at Vince’s party.
    
    The thugs hold Francine and Hayley hostage in the back of a van. Francine tells Johnny that she’s disappointed that the gang isn’t living up to their potential and convinces the guys to rob the First National Bank. When the men charge the bank, they’re mowed down in hail of gun fire. Francine closes the van door and drives off.
    
    At Vince’s party, Steve is wearing a tube top and is surrounded by jocks. Stan shows up and forces his way through the crowd to reveal that he now has giant breasts. Stan walks around proving to Steve that his new friends don’t care about him, just his chest.
    
    Hayley tells her mother that she underestimated her as they arrive to find Roger pouring gasoline on the carpet. He’s going to burn the house down to clean up the mess from the party.
    
    Stan and Steve share pizza and Steve admits that the guys only liked him for his body. Steve tells Stan that he was having a good time with his old friends and Stan is okay with Steve hanging out with his dork friends.
     
22. 7 May 06 With Friends Like Steve's
    Stan and Steve walk towards CIA Headquarters. Stan is excited about their visit, but Steve would rather be doing something else. Each step of the way, Stan finds something else to annoy Steve with. Whether it be shooting at Steve behind bullet proof glass, or talking to the same armed dolphins again. Steve just wants to go home.
    
    Stan realizes that Steve doesn’t look up to him anymore and opens up to Roger. But when Hayley offers Roger an escape from the conversation, he leaves with her. Francine tells Stan that Steve is just going through a phase. The doorbell rings and Steve answers it. It’s his friend Barry, who Stan doesn’t like at all.
    
    Hayley is upset that her college gave money to the fraternities instead of an Eskimo studies program. Roger tags along and finds his way to the front door of a frat asking for booze.
    
    Stan, Steve and Francine eat their dinner at one table while Barry eats at a separate table a few feet away. Francine asks Stan to tell a story and Barry gets excited to hear it while Steve rolls his eyes.
    
    Stan and Barry return from their trip to the Franklin Mint and Steve realizes that Stan is trying to replace him with Barry.
    
    Stan shows Barry his commemorative plate collection. Barry’s watch beeps and it’s time for his “vitamin.” Stan convinces Barry that he doesn’t need vitamins. Steve sees Stan and Barry and wonders why Stan bends the house rules for Barry.
    
    Roger becomes the hit of the frat house when he does the longest keg-stand they’ve ever seen.
    
    Stan comes into Steve’s room and unrolls a sleeping bag. He tells Steve that Barry is sleeping over. Steve confronts Barry and tells him to go home. Suddenly, Barry’s voice changes from the usual nerd-slurring, to that a refined, maniacal genius. Barry tells Steve that no one is going to stand in the way of his friendship with Stan.
    
    Steve tells Stan about Barry’s transformation, but Stan doesn’t believe it. Barry wanders down the stairs, dressed exactly like Stan and seemingly normal. Barry tells Stan and Francine he’d like to go to church before breakfast, then offers his arm to Francine as they leave.
    
    Roger is cracking jokes with the frat boys when they walk into Hayley who is still protesting the funding. Roger invites Hayley’s fellow protestors to a party at the frat house and they happily accept. Hayley is furious.
    
    Barry places a sandwich on one of Stan’s commemorative plates when Steve confronts him again. Barry cries and says he wants to have a dad like Stan, and wearing oven mitts, hands Steve the plate and sandwich. Steve realizes it’s on a commemorative plate and Barry says he’s going to go pack his things and go.
    
    Late at night, Stan and Francine wake up to the sound of breaking glass. Stan knows that it’s his plate collection. He opens the door, and all the plates are trashed. Barry and Steve walk in and Barry says that they dust for prints.
    
    Stan scans the prints he finds against the CIA database. The print matches Steve and Stan asks why he would destroy the plates. Steve sees the plate he touched earlier and knows Barry framed him. Stan and Francine play right into Barry’s plan and Francine thinks Steve is out of control. Barry recommends tough love.
    
    The next morning, two men throw Steve in a van labeled, “CAMP FOR WAYWARD YOUTH.” Barry hugs Stan and Francine as the van pulls away.
    
    On an oil derrick in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, A Drill Sergeant yells at Steve and tells him to expect hard and unusual punishment.
    
    Two little girls enjoy a tea party in their backyard. Suddenly, Stan and Barry spring from bunkers in the ground ready for battle. Stan fires a flaming arrow at the girl’s table and Barry beheads a stuffed bunny. Barry wants to go get frappaccinos with Stan, but Francine needs help moving furniture. Stan leaves and Barry turns back into evil-Barry and schemes to kill Francine.
    
    A Drill Sergeant hands out pills to the kids in the camp. The pills dumb the kids down, and Steve realizes that Barry’s vitamin was the same pill. Steve needs a way to contact his parents. Another kid tells Steve he smuggled in a cell phone in an uncomfortable place.
    
    Steve calls home and Barry answers. Steve tries to tell Barry to take his vitamins and Barry tells Steve he’s going to remove Francine from the picture.
    
    The frat party rages on and Hayley tries to convince her fellow protestors to leave. Roger suggests she should loosen up.
    
    Barry sits on a chair in Stan’s bedroom, pointing a gun at Stan. Stan asks where Francine is and Barry says she’s where she can’t get between them.
    
    Francine is buried alive in the backyard.
    
    Barry orders Stan downstairs to play another “game.”
    
    While the Drill Sergeant is distracted, Steve and two other boys make a break for it. Using the skills he learned from his father, Steve moves unnoticed through the guards. He tries to lower the speed boat but sets off the alarm instead. Steve grabs the public address microphone and uses dolphin-speak to call dolphins for help. The boys drop into the ocean where they ride dolphins to safety.
    
    The next morning, Hayley walks down the stairs of the frat house and Roger smiles knowing she gave in. After Hayley leaves, a frat brother tells Roger he has to clean the house. Roger spits on the guy and walks out.
    
    Hayley walks down frat row and is passed by Roger being chased by frat boys.
    
    Barry points his gun at Stan as they play the board game, Sorry. Steve charges through the front door on a horse, disguised as a jockey. Barry knocks Stan out and Steve demands that Barry take his pill. Steve offers one more challenge to evil-Barry. He holds two drinks, one has Barry’s pill in it. After stalling, Barry grabs a glass.
    
    Stan and Steve drive Barry home. Barry is back to normal and Steve reveals that he put pills in both of the glasses, then he waves the car’s floor mat around.
    
    Stan apologizes to Steve for sending him to work camp, and Steve says it was okay because he learned to appreciate his father again. The two smile, then go outside to dig up Francine.
     
23. 14 May 06 Tears of a Clooney
    The Smiths sit around Francine and a birthday cake. It’s Francine’s 39th birthday and she is not happy about it. She flips outs and throws the cake around the room. Hayley points out that her mother gets more depressed every year.
    
    Francine sits in her bed watching an episode of Scarecrow and Mrs. King where Francine had a small part as a hotel receptionist. Francine and Stan watch the scene and suddenly George Clooney steps on Francine’s lines.
    
    Francine leaves the grocery store and a swarm of paparazzi swarm around her. Stan pulls up and saves her. Stan admits that he hired paparazzi to follow her. Francine tells Stan that her new dream is to destroy George Clooney. She wants to break Clooney’s heart for what he did to her.
    
    Stan and Francine fly to Prague where Clooney is filming his latest movie.
    
    Inside their hotel room, Stan has set up a war room filled with murders and thieves to track Clooney.
    
    Roger fills the Smith swimming pool with soil, intent on building his own vineyard. Roger is too weak and lazy to do the work himself and plans to hire foster children to do the work. Hayley comes outside to stop Roger but is interrupted by a horrible cough.
    
    Stan’s war room is set up across the street from Clooney’s hotel. It has been arranged that Stan will be Clooney’s body guard and Francine will be trained by Sergei Petcov to get inside Clooney’s head and resist his charm.
    
    The foster children dig away at the soil in the pool and Roger denies them a water break. Steve is tired of sharing the house with all the foster kids, but Roger assigns him two beautiful girls to be his personal assistant. The phone rings and it’s the doctor for Hayley with her test results.
    
    Stan enters Clooney’s trailer and says he’s his new body guard. But Clooney says he doesn’t need him, just his “boys.” Clooney tells the guys that he bought them new motorcycles and they drive them off. Stan follows them in a semi-truck. He forces them into a cargo box and ships them over seas.
    
    On set, Clooney finds out Stan sent his friends to China. He believes that it was a practical joke and says that Stan is now one of his “boys.”
    
    Roger uses the kids to decorate their dinning room table for Thanksgiving and serve Roger and Steve food. Hayley stumbles out of the kitchen with clumps of hair missing from her head and looking exhausted. She tries to stop Roger but collapses into a chair.
    
    Stan and Clooney ride down a rural road on their bikes, when the pass Francine playing golf and the wind blowing in her hair. Clooney is instantly taken with her. Francine jumps on a motorcycle and races away.
    
    At Christmas, Roger has the kids pouring warm water into the vineyard soil to keep the vines from freezing. Hayley, now bald and very sick, tries again to keep Roger from abusing the kids.
    
    Stan leads Clooney a bar where Francine is waiting. George hits on Fr1ancine and the second part of Francine’s plan begins.
    
    Clooney and Francine go on several dates and Clooney is falling in love with her.
    
    Clooney tells Stan that during his next date he’s going to tell Francine that he loves her.
    
    The team in the war room celebrates Clooney’s demise and Stan is glad he can stop pretending to like Clooney. Stan excuses himself and the team watches surveillance video of Stan warning Clooney about Francine’s plan. Francine screams in agony of her husband’s betrayal.
    
    Stan returns to the war room and sees the footage of him warning Clooney. The lights go out and Francine watches him through a night vision scope. Stan can’t see her and begs for her forgiveness. She flips the lights on and Stan handcuffs her to the radiator so she won’t kill Clooney.
    
    Child Protective Services finds Roger ordering the kids to mash grapes with their feet in the Smith backyard. Hayley walks out and tells Roger that she had promised he would be stopped. Child Services tells the kids they’re free and they celebrate.
    
    Francine pulls up next to Stan on a motorcycle and shows him that she cut off her own hand to stop Clooney. They race their motorcycles up a hill to a spa where George is staying. At the top of the hill, Francine blinds Stan with blood from her severed wrist. Stan crashes his bike and slides over a cliff.
    
    Stan holds on as best he can, and demands to know what all of this was about. Francine tells him that no one depends on Clooney all the time, like the Smiths do on her. Stan tells her that while no one depends on Clooney, Francine has a family who loves her and does depend on her.
    
    Stan and Francine pack to go home and Stan has one last thing to do. He goes to Clooney’s hotel and breaks up with Clooney. George tries to stop him, but it doesn’t work.
    
    Francine watches the surveillance camera and sees George crying. She got her wish.

Season Two

1. 10 Sept 06 The American Dad After School Special