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Desperate Housewives
Looking down on her friends and family isn't a way of life for Mary Alice Scott. It's a way of death. One day, in her perfect house, in the loveliest of suburbs, Mary Alice ended it all. Now she's taking us into the lives of her family, friends and neighbors, commenting from her elevated POV. Her husband's acting suspicious, the neighbors are talking, and her girlfriends are wondering why one of their own would do something so rash… and so messy.
There's Susan, the divorcée who goes to extraordinary lengths for love. Lynette, the ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic. Bree, the Martha Stewart on steroids, whose family is about to mutiny. And Gabrielle, the ex-model with everything she always wanted - a rich husband, a big house - so what is she doing with the 17-year-old gardener? As for Mary Alice's husband, Paul, there must be a good reason why he's digging up the pool in the middle of the night.
From her unique vantage point, Mary Alice sees more now than she ever did alive, and she's planning to share all the delicious secrets that hide behind every neighbor's closed door in this seemingly perfect American suburb. The writer of Melrose Place and General Hospital (executive producer Charles Pratt Jr.) has helped create a primetime soap with a truly contemporary take on happily ever after.

Season One

1. Oct 03, 2004: Pilot
   Mary Alice Young seemingly has the perfect suburban life, she tells us in voiceover, which is why it's so surprising when she decides to shoot herself in the head.
   Mary Alice's wake draws the other residents of Wisteria Lane, including her closest friends: former high-powered businesswoman Lynette Scavo, who is unable to manage her four unruly children, klutzy single mom Susan, model-turned-trophy-wife Gabrielle, and perfectionist homemaker Bree Van de Kamp, none of whom have a clue why Mary Alice committed suicide.
   At the wake, Susan meets hunky new neighbor, plumber Mike Delfino. Her daughter, Julie, urges her to make the first move, so Susan brings Mike a housewarming gift. But she's not the only one interested in Mike; Edie Britt, the most predatory divorcee on the block, stops by too, with an invitation for him to come by and "take a look at her pipes." When Susan goes back to invite Mike over to dinner, she is alarmed to see Edie there already. So she lies and she says she has a clog Mike needs to look at. She scurries home to create a clog -- stuffing Julie's school project down the drain.
   Nosy neighbor Martha Huber tells Susan that Edie is having a man over that night, and Susan assumes it's Mike. She goes over, measuring cup in hand, to "borrow a cup of sugar," and sneaks in the back door. Edie is obviously busy with her gentleman caller, and Susan accidentally knocks over one of the many candles burning. As the room goes up in flames, she runs out, leaving her measuring cup behind. Gathering with the rest of the neighbors to watch the fire, Susan is relieved to see Mike stroll by -- he wasn't the one with Edie after all.
   Lynette is mortified when her three sons jump into the pool at the wake and she has to wade in, fully dressed, to get them to come out. When she runs into an old work colleague at the grocery store who asks her if she loves being a stay-at-home mom, a frazzled Lynette lies and says she does. Her husband, Tom, arrives home from his business trip early, much to her relief. But when he insists they have unprotected sex -- and risk getting her pregnant again -- she socks him in the jaw.
   Gabrielle protests having to attend a party thrown by Carlos' boss, Tanaka, who is always trying to grope her. Carlos tells her since Tanaka is his boss, she'll have to let him. As soon as Carlos is gone, Gabrielle falls into the arms of her teenage gardener, John, with whom she's been carrying on a secret affair. Heading out for Tanaka's party, Carlos gets suspicious when he notices the yard hasn't been mowed. Rather than risk having John fired, Gabrielle sneaks away from the party and mows the yard -- in her long dress and high heels!
   Bree's children bemoan her stuffy, formal dinners, so they go out to the Saddle Ranch Chop House, where Rex shocks Bree by telling her he wants a divorce. Instead of answering him, she gets up to fix him a salad from the salad bar, where she accidentally piles on onions, which Rex is deathly allergic to. At the hospital, Rex tells her he's sick of her being so perfect all the time. Her response is to disappear into the bathroom to water his flowers, where she wipes away the tears before coming back out.
   Mary Alice's teenage son, Zach, wakes up in the middle of the night to find his father, Paul, excavating something buried underneath the pool.
   As her friends clear out her clothes, they find a handwritten note that reads, "I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell," that arrived the day she killed herself. "Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?" Susan asks.
    
2. Oct 10, 2004: Ah, But Underneath
   Gabrielle and her young lover, John, are surprised when her husband Carlos comes home unexpectedly. John jumps out of the window, but fortunately Carlos can't see that he's naked from the waist down, only that he's trimming the hedges as usual. Carlos surprises her with an expensive necklace but she is blasé. He asks her what's bothering her and she says their marriage isn't exciting enough anymore and that she wants him to surprise her more often. She shows up at John's after deciding it's too dangerous for them to keep meeting at her house. After they have sex, he presents her with a single red rose. "It's perfect, just like you," he says, and she realizes he's in love with her. Carlos surprises Gabrielle with a brand new sports car. When he asks her if it's the best gift she's ever gotten, she lies and says, "Yes," even though John's gift clearly meant more to her.
   Susan and the other women try to decide what to do about the blackmail note they found in Mary Alice's things. When Susan stops by to see her husband, Paul, he tells her he doesn't care what Mary Alice's reasons were, so she hangs onto the note. Meanwhile, Paul has dug up a trunk that was buried beneath his pool. He wraps it in plastic and dumps it in a local lake, but it surfaces almost as soon as he's gone.
   Bree asks Rex if he'll cancel the meeting with the divorce lawyer and start going to a counselor instead. At Dr. Goldfine's, Rex says Bree doesn't like to talk about her feelings, and that he doubts she even has any. But Bree's too distracted by a loose button on the doctor's jacket to listen. When Rex is delayed for their next meeting, Bree meets with the doctor alone and instead of telling him her problems, she insists he let her mend his button.
   Mrs. Huber helps Edie go through the ruins of her house and gets suspicious when Edie denies that a still salvageable measure cup is hers. Mrs. Huber finds out from Julie that Susan had lost her measuring cup and puts two and two together.
   Lynette's rambunctious boys won't buckle up in her minivan and she is pulled over by a cop. But when the officer criticizes her mothering, she snaps and he is so intimidated, he lets her off with a warning. Mrs. Huber gives Lynette advice on how her mother dealt with her: she would leave her by the side of the road and drive off. In desperation, Lynette tries this tactic. But when she comes back for her boys, they're nowhere to be found. A neighbor has taken them in, and is threatening to call social services on Lynette. But the boys attack the woman, coming to their mother's defense. They may not be perfect, but at least they're loyal.
   Susan is horrified when she runs into Mike while she's throwing out her garbage in her bathrobe, sans makeup. She asks him to dinner anyway, but since she's a terrible cook, he offers to host. Edie stops by as Mike and Susan are unloading groceries and Susan has no choice but to invite her. Susan is discouraged when Mike's dog, Bongo, doesn't seem to like Susan, but adores Edie. To get Bongo to like her, Susan dabs gravy on her ear. All goes well, until Bongo starts choking -- he's swallowed her long, dangly earring! The evening is over as Mike rushes Bongo to the vet. Mike tells Susan he was so upset because Bongo was his late wife's dog. Susan is relieved Mike isn't mad, but she realizes he's still not over his wife. What she doesn't know yet is that he's keeping a gun, a pile of money, and a map of Wisteria Lane in his kitchen cabinet.
    
3. Oct 17, 2004: Pretty Little Picture
   Bree doesn't want the kids to know that Rex is sleeping on the couch, so she wakes him up early to move back into the bedroom. She then sabotages the springs of the sleeper sofa.
   Susan convinces the other women to go through with a dinner Mary Alice had planned. Bree agrees to host. Susan despairs at being the only single woman there, but then Mike jogs by. The men of Wisteria Lane are less enthusiastic about the dinner - Carlos is busy and Tom says he's too tired from traveling and begs Lynette to cancel the sitter. Rex is tired of keeping up appearances about his and Bree's marriage. She informs him that their cover story for therapy is they're taking tennis lessons.
   After arguing with her ex-husband Carl, Susan feels bad and asks him to come over, intending to apologize to him. When he stops by, he catches her just out of the shower, wearing only a towel. During their ensuing argument, she slams his car door angrily -- right on her towel, which he takes with him as he drives off. She's naked in her front yard! And she's accidentally locked herself out! She's hiding in the bushes when Mike happens by and says he'd love to go to dinner. "I assume the dress is casual," he jokes at her expense.
   Zach finds the gun Mary Alice used to kill herself and demands to know why his father kept it and why he won't talk about her at all. Just then Bree stops by to invite them to the dinner, but Paul declines. Zach is disappointed but thanks Bree for remembering his mother.
   Gabrielle is making out with John in her foyer when a neighbor girl looking for her lost ball sees them through the glass door. Gabrielle decides the best bet is to bribe her with a doll. But what she really wants is a bike. When Gabrielle buys her one, she assumes that's the end of the blackmail, except now she has to teach her how to ride it!
   Lynette blows her top when she sees photos from Tom's business trip of him downing margaritas with the guys at a Mexican restaurant. He says they can go to the dinner party, but she's already canceled the sitter, so he agrees to babysit. Irked when Tom is dismissive of the difficulties of taking care of the boys, Lynette urges the kids to load up on sugar.
   
    
4. Oct 24, 2004: Who's That Woman
   When Lynette's twins paint a classmate blue, they are threatened with expulsion unless she can keep them under control. Efforts to separate them prove disastrous, so she caves in and gets a prescription for ADD medicine. Ultimately, she decides she likes her boys better unmedicated and that it's better to self-medicate with some wine.
   The women listen to Mary Alice's therapy tape, which reveals that her real name was Angela, and that she was having recurring nightmares about a girl she feared. Susan convinces the others that they should show Paul the threatening "I know what you did" note they found among Mary Alice's things. He is shaken, but later tells Lynette and Gabrielle that Mary Alice was "not a well person" and probably wrote the note herself. Gabrielle observes, "I think he's lying." Paul hires a private investigator to find out who sent the note.
   Andrew forces Bree to admit that Rex isn't out of town on business, but has moved out. When Andrew doesn't come home one night, she tracks him to a strip club where she humiliates him into coming home with her. To teach him a lesson, she removes the door to his bedroom.
   Susan realizes she needs to be more bold in her pursuit of Mike when she sees Edie provocatively washing her car while Mike is working (shirtless!) in his yard. Susan finds an excuse to stop by Mike's and he asks her out to a movie at the local revival theater. Edie tells Mrs. Huber how furious that makes her, and the neighborhood gossip chews on the information that Susan is Edie's romantic rival. She visits Susan and accuses her of burning Edie's house down, producing the burnt measuring cup as evidence. As the price for her silence, she demands Susan start assuming some of the costs Edie is racking up as her house guest. When Mike sees Susan at the grocery store, she acts disinterested and turns down a movie invitation since Mrs. Huber is behind her in line. Buying additional groceries are one thing, but when Mrs. Huber demands $600 for a new water heater, Susan confesses the whole thing to Julie, who convinces her mother she has to keep quiet to avoid losing custody of her. Instead, Julie will break into Mrs. Huber's house and steal back the incriminating cup.
   As Susan stands guard in front of the Huber house, Mike happens by and asks Susan out again. Just then Edie comes home, and in a desperate bid to keep her from going into the house while Julie's there, Susan ends up talking her into going to the movie with Mike instead, much to Mike's confusion and Edie's delight. Later that evening, Mrs. Huber confronts Susan about the missing measuring cup, but Susan admits she's destroyed it.
   Gabrielle is taking a romantic bath with John when the cable guy shows up, three hours late. He slips on the wet bathroom floor and hits his head on the tub and has to be taken out in an ambulance. Seeing all the candles laid out, and considering how late the cable guy was there, Carlos is suspicious. When he finds a man's gym sock under the bed, Gabrielle hustles to come up with an unlikely excuse -- the maid uses them to dust. Gabrielle buys sandals for John so that Carlos won't see him wearing gym socks. Deciding the cable guy was messing around with his wife, Carlos shows up his house and beats him up, only then noticing all the photos of handsome men and posters for Broadway shows. "Is this because I'm gay?" asks the hapless cable guy. "Yeah," mutters Carlos and runs out. Watching the news later that night, Carlos sees the incident is being interpreted as a hate crime. The police sketch looks familiar to Gabrielle, but she wisely chooses not to say anything.
    
5. Oct 31, 2004: Come In, Stranger
   Susan catsits for a neighbor when she realizes someone has broken in. At a neighborhood watch meeting, Susan gives a screwdriver she found at the scene of the crime to a handsome cop. He asks her out and at first she says she's not available. But then he charms her into agreeing. She decides to ask Mike's permission and he tells her he doesn't have an opinion. Frustrated, she worries that Mike is a "Carl" in disguise, another jerk like her ex-husband.
   Unbeknownst to Susan, Mike is the man responsible for the break-in. He meets an older man in a park and they discuss his progress investigating the residents of Wisteria Lane. While out on a date with the cop, Susan sees the screwdriver he supposedly submitted as evidence. Susan realizes he's the "Carl," and walks away from him, in the middle of a crime-ridden neighborhood. She has to borrow a prostitute's cell phone to call Julie and ask her to get someone to pick her up. It's Mike who shows up to her rescue, and he's secretly relieved to find out that that screwdriver never went to the lab. When he drops her off, she says she's frustrated she doesn't know him better. His answer: He leans in a for a kiss.
   Lynette settles on a private school that would be perfect for her troublesome boys, as long as she can get a reluctant Bree to give her a recommendation. To make sure they're well-behaved at their interview, Lynette has them dig holes in the yard to tire them out, and the school is fooled into thinking they're "docile." But there's another family in contention for the open spot, which only a $15,000 donation will fix. Refusing to take Tom's suggestion of home schooling seriously, Lynette instead convinces him to sell his beloved sailboat.
   Gabrielle is alarmed when her mother-in-law, Juanita, shows up unexpectedly for an extended visit. Turns out Carlos called her because he suspects Gabrielle of having an affair. Gabrielle tries to sneak out to meet John, but Mama Soliz insists on tagging along so they go lingerie shopping instead. While Juanita is watching her soaps, Gabrielle meets John in the garage and makes a plan for another date. To get Juanita off her back during another shopping trip, Gabrielle plants an unpaid-for shirt in her bags and gets her arrested for shoplifting. Later, Juanita tells Gabrielle of her abusive ex-husband, and implies that she killed him to protect Carlos. The veiled threat to Gabrielle is clear.
   Bree stops by the Young's house and finds Rex cleaning the floor that was stained by his mother's blood. Feeling sorry for him, she invites him to sample some Christmas recipes she's trying out. They exchange dark secrets: Her mother was run over by a car one Christmas and young Bree cleaned her blood off the street; Zach says he knows why his mother killed herself, because of something bad he did when he was little. Before he can tell her what it was, he becomes terribly upset and leaves. Determined to find out more, Bree invites him to a holiday-themed dinner. When Rex calls suddenly and asks Bree out to eat with him, she cancels on Andrew.
   She returns home to find that someone has broken in -- and decorated the house for Christmas! The stockings on the fireplace read, "Paul, Mary Alice, and Zach." When a furious Paul shows up to claim Zach, the teenager reaches out to hold Bree's hand for support. Bree stops by the Youngs later to make sure everything's OK. She hears loud arguing and Zach tells her everything's fine. But then the camera pulls back to reveal Paul, sprawled on the ground with a bloody lip. The next day, Paul and Zach drive off, giving what seems to be a last look at the neighborhood.
    
6. Nov 07, 2004: Running to Stand Still
   Carlos sides with Gabrielle when Mama Soliz suggests Gabrielle get rid of her maid. But he and his mother are still trying to figure out who Gabrielle's lover might be. Meanwhile, Gabrielle is alarmed to see John hanging out with Bree's daughter, Danielle. At the weekly card game, Gabrielle sneaks off to confront John about Danielle. When she comes back, she finds her mother-in-law has stepped in and taken her friends for a pile of cash. Who knew Mama Soliz was a card shark? Carlos worries when he hears about his mother's card playing, and tells Gabrielle his mother has a serious gambling problem.
   Armed with this new information, Gabrielle kills two birds with one stone: She leaves Mama Soliz at a casino while she meets up with John. When she returns Mama Soliz shamefacedly admits she has maxed out Carlos's credit card. Gabrielle agrees to pay off the card and keep it a secret. Now that she's in her daughter-in-law's debt -- literally -- Mama tells Carlos her suspicions about Gabrielle's affair were groundless. That is, until Carlos lets it slip that Gabrielle knew about her gambling problem. In an instant, all her goodwill evaporates and she realizes Gabrielle's lover has been right under her nose the whole time.
   Susan stops by Paul's moving sale to find out where Zach is and is told he's "staying with relatives." Susan doesn't buy that, and she's right. Zach's in an institution. Paul tells the doctor he wants Zach kept on drugs but to skip the therapy. Could he be worried about what his son might tell the doctors? Susan finds where Zach is being kept and convinces Juile to sneak in and him and ask him what's going on. Zach tells Julie he's started to remember things about what happened to "Dana."
   At a school production of "Little Red Riding Hood," Lynette clashes with the organizer, Maisy Gibbons, who has rewritten the ending of the fairy tale to spare the wolf's life. Because Lynette is only signed up to take tickets, Maisy nixes her idea to keep the play traditional. When Lynette's status rises after she volunteers to do the costumes, she forces a vote on whether they should "just kill the damn wolf." The other mothers side with Lynette, to Maisy's fury. She then threatens to boot Lynette's twins from the play if she can't deliver the costumes in time. To get everything done, Lynette turns to her children's Ritalin, which gives her the energy not only to finish the costumes, but to clean her house from top to bottom. When Maisy dismisses the coonskin cap Lynette slaved over as "roadkill," it's the last straw. Lynette challenges her to "throw down" and Maisy demurely backs off.
   At their therapist, Dr. Goldfine's, Rex confesses to Bree he's not happy with their sex life and he wants to have a sexual surrogate. Bree is furious and storms out. While having dinner out alone, Bree runs into Dr. Goldfine and proceeds to contradict Rex's assertions that she is a "distant" lover by giving a long, enthusiastic speech on all the things she loves about sex. Bree surprises Rex at his motel, showing up in only a fur coat and her lingerie. He's ready for action, until she is distracted by his hastily discarded burrito spilling onto the floor. Suddenly, Rex isn't in the mood anymore and he kicks her out. When Rex stops by the house later, Bree insists he's the one who's been distant. When she presses him to tell her why, he leaves without an explanation.
   
   
    
7. Nov 14, 2004: Anything You Can Do
   Susan finally takes a look at the baby blanket she got at Paul's garage sale and notices it's embroidered with the name "Dana," the same name Zach told Julie. She gets all dressed up for her first official date with Mike and can't resist boasting to Edie as she walks by her house. But Mike has an unexpected house guest, a pretty young woman named Kendra, so he cancels. It turns out Mike is investigating the disappearance of Kendra's sister, who was last seen at the Saddle Ranch. Edie tells Susan she overheard Mike and Kendra say they were going to a cowboy bar for drinks, so the two rivals follow them there. When Mike sees Susan, she tries to convince him she's not following him by saying she's just there to ride the mechanical bull. But klutzy Susan gets knocked off her feet by the bull before she even gets on. While Mike fetches some ice for Susan's head, Kendra tells her to ask Mike why he really moved to Wisteria Lane.
   Edie meets with Paul about selling his house. When Paul sees her stationery, he realizes it's exactly like the blackmail note. He meets with his P.I. and is told his options: "For five grand, she's hurt, for 10 grand, she's gone." The P.I. sees Edie out at the bar and makes his move.
   Tom tells Lynette he has a great idea for new ad campaign and that he intends to pitch it to his boss at their house -- during a formal dinner that she has to organize for the day after tomorrow. He tells his indignant wife, "Bree Van de Kamp does this kind of thing all the time." She starts running out of steam - and Ritalin - so she resorts to stealing some from a friend. The dinner is going swimmingly, but when Tom starts to pitch, Lynette chimes in with a better idea that the client likes more. Tom is furious with Lynette and accuses her of trying to undermine him. She says she's just trying to compete with the Bree Van de Kamps of the world.
   Gabrielle tells John they can meet since Mama Soliz isn't following her anymore, but he's reluctant and says he has a date with Danielle. Seeing them both talk on their cell phones, a suspicious Mama grabs Gabrielle's phone, hits redial and gets John. Her suspicions are confirmed. When John hears that Gabrielle is conniving to get Danielle out of the way by sponsoring her for a modeling school in New York, he breaks up with her. She makes him promise to have a "proper goodbye" and fakes being sick to stay home while Carlos and his mother go out. Mama Soliz shows up in a cab with a camera and catches Gabrielle in bed with John. She takes a picture and runs out to the cab - and is struck by a speeding car! Gabrielle goes out to find her lying unconscious in the street. She tells John to go home, asks the cabbie to dial 911, and then takes the camera from her mother-in-law.
   Rex drops a bombshell on Bree -- he's gone to a divorce lawyer. When they tell the kids about the divorce, Andrew says he wants to live with his father and Danielle says she doesn't care who she lives with, as long as she has her own bathroom. Rex surprises the kids with gifts: a car for Andrew and Danielle can go to the modeling academy. Bree is livid. When the kids get back from their ride in Andrew's new car, Bree has put all their possessions out on the front yard and informs them she has changed the locks and they can go live with their father -- unless they give back his gifts. Andrew goes out drinking with his friends after Rex says he has to stay with his mother. When Bree comes in to tell him about the car accident, he's in the kitchen, crying, and she realizes he was the hit-and-run driver. Bree calls Rex and tells him he needs to come home.
    
8. Nov 28, 2004: Guilty
   Choosing her son over her conscience, Bree decides they should abandon Andrew's car to cover up the hit and run. Disturbed that Andrew doesn't seem upset about what he did, Bree tries to find an appropriate punishment for him. She thinks facing the Solizes just might do it, but instead of teaching Andrew a lesson, he is just relieved to be off the hook. Bree tells Andrew she wants to know he feels remorse, and that he's not "a monster." He tells her he's more upset about his car and his future than he is about running over Mrs. Soliz.
   Carlos and Gabrielle sit by Mama Soliz's bedside at the hospital. Fortunately for Gabrielle, she's in a coma. Gabrielle is alarmed when John stops by to bring a flower for her mother-in-law. She tells John he had no business coming to the hospital and he tells her he's confessed their affair to Father Crowley. When the Van de Kamps stop by to show their support, Carlos suddenly says he and Gabrielle are about to start a family -- which is news to Gabrielle. "We're not negotiating my uterus," she tells him firmly. When the priest visits Mama Soliz, he encourages Gabrielle to confess. She tells him she will repent when she's 70.
   Lynette goes to an acupuncturist to try to relax, but when that doesn't do the trick, she admits she's messed up her system by taking her kids' ADD medicine. She thinks she can finally get some sleep thanks to an herbal remedy, but then the entire Cub Scout troop stops by -- Lynette forgot about the scout meeting. Later, with the boys being their usual noisy selves, a sleep-deprived Lynette loses it and throws a tantrum of her own. Then she looks out the window and sees an angelic-looking Mary Alice, who hands her a gun! Lynette puts the gun to her head -- and then wakes up. It was all a dream. But she realizes she's dangerously close to snapping for real and unceremoniously dumps her children on Susan and drives off. Bree and Susan find her at the park, where she confesses she's gotten addicted to the ADD medicine and that she can't cope. Her friends tell her that they've all had dark days too and that motherhood often had them in tears. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" sobs Lynette. "We should tell each other this stuff!"
   Mike invites Susan on a romantic getaway that would require an overnight stay, and she happily agrees. But she changes her mind when she discovers the huge stash of money he hid in a cabinet. Left alone at Mike's to let in the guy who's retiling the bathroom floor, Susan does some more snooping, and this time she finds a gun. And then she falls through a hole in the floor and is literally left hanging until MIke comes home. When he sees the money and the gun she's taken out of the cabinet, he throws her out before she has a chance to explain. She comes over the next day to apologize and he tells her he's not obligated to explain himself. Since she can't trust him, he tells her it's over. That night, he shows up at her door, willing to tell he whatever she wants to know. That's all she needs to know, she says, and kisses him, leading him to her bedroom.
   Paul wants the P.I. to ask Edie why she sent the blackmail note -- before he kills her. The P.I. asks him if he really wants to go through with it and Paul nods. Edie, thinking he's a developer, shows up to their meeting and tells him her stationery actually belongs to Mrs. Huber. She has no idea that her offhand remark just saved her life. Now that Paul knows Mrs. Huber is the culprit, he decides to take the matter into his own hands. When he confronts her, she admits she did it and says she's not sorry. Paul snaps and strangles her.
    
9. Dec 12, 2004: Suspicious Minds
   Paul buries Mrs. Huber in a shallow grave in a park. Some light is shed on one of the other mysteries surrounding Paul: We find out that a woman's body was in the trunk he tossed in the water.
   When Gabrielle feels unfulfilled, she is inspired to throw a fashion show fundraiser to benefit the nurses at the hospital where Mama Solis is. One of the models is Mrs. Rowland, John's mother, who thanks Gabrielle for hiring him as her gardener, little knowing what's really going on. John shows up to help Gabrielle out and Susan catches Gabrielle with her foot in John's lap. Susan tells Gabrielle she can't believe she would do that to Carlos, or act like Susan's philandering ex-husband, Carl. Mrs. Rowland overhears John talking with a friend and learns he's been sleeping with a married woman, but not which one. She incorrectly assumes it's Susan.
   Backstage at the fashion show, everyone oohs and aahs over how great Susan looks in her dress, until Mrs. Rowland shows up and tears it to shreds. An embarrassed and confused Susan stumbles out onto the stage, her beautiful dress in tatters. Furious, Susan demands that Gabrielle tell Mrs. Rowland the truth. Gabrielle reluctantly comes clean to John's mother, who is understandably upset. Gabrielle assures her it's over, but is told, "It's not even close to being over." When police descend on the Solises, Gabrielle fears the worst - Mrs. Rowland has turned her in. She rushes to confess to Carlos, but it's Carlos who is led away in handcuffs, claiming that his boss set him up. After Carlos' arrest, Susan shows up to comfort Gabrielle.
   Susan thinks it's weird that Zach is writing to Julie, and is even more concerned when Julie confesses it's not the first letter she's gotten from him. A doctor tells Paul that Zach has escaped from the institution, and that Zach is getting progressively worse without therapy. Unbeknownst to Susan, Julie is hiding Zach in their house. Julie shows Zach the blanket that used to belong to Dana and he tells her his secret: He think he killed his baby sister when he was little. Paul comes by looking for Zach, but Susan tells him he's not there.
   Lynette tells Tom they have to hire a nanny full-time or she will lose her mind. After striking out on her own, Lynette asks Bree where she "score some high-grade nanny," namely by poaching one from one of Bree's rich friends. At the park, Lynette falls in love with Claire, a sweet and caring nanny who works for an uptight business woman. Lynette convinces Claire to leave her nightmare of a boss and come to work for her instead.
   Bree wants to punish Andrew further for the hit-and-run by making him quit the swim team, but Rex disagrees, saying he'll lose his chance at a scholarship. Then Bree flips out when she discovers that Andrew's been smoking pot and demands he pee into a container. Tracking Rex down at the the golf course, Bree tries to hand over Andrew's urine sample to him so it can be tested. Rex refuses and tells her he's glad they're getting divorced because he's tired of how she's always pushed him around. Hurt and angry, Bree opens the container and throws the urine on him in retaliation. Bree finds out Andrew keeps his pot stash in his gym locke and plans to take it away from him. But then she gets a better idea: She anonymously tips off the school, resulting in his being kicked off the swim team, just as she'd wanted.
    
10. Dec 19, 2004: Come Back To Me
    Maisy Gibbons, Lynette's old school play rival, has a secret "hobby," entertaining men in the afternoon for some extra cash. She tells a client that she started to get back at a woman who made her feel small when she could no longer afford to belong to the country club. And now that woman's husband is her next client she says happily, opening the door to reveal Rex Van de Kamp.
    Rex comes home at 3 a.m. and finds Bree has been waiting up for him. She accuses him of seeing someone and he says he has every right to since they're separated. During an S&M session with Maisy, Rex has a heart attack. Bree rushes to the hospital and sees Maisy's name on the admitting sheet. Bree asks Maisy pointblank if she's having an affair with Rex. Maisy cheerfully admits she's been seeing him because he has certain "needs" that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with Bree, but that he still loves his wife. At the hospital, Bree tells Rex she's glad he's doing better because now she can tell him what's been on her mind: She's going to get the most vindictive lawyer she can find and "eviscerate" him. "I am so glad you didn't die before I had a chance to tell you that," she says coldly before walking out.
    At Carlos' hearing he is deemed a flight risk and denied bail until he produces his passport. Gabrielle desperately searches for it, while her maid worries about how she's going to pay her now. Just then, a repo man comes and hauls off Gabrielle's snazzy little sports car. Carlos' lawyer tells her that more of her possessions might be seized as "ill-gotten gains," so she hides nearly everything she owns with her friends. At the prison, Gabrielle tells Carlos she doesn't mind losing everything, as long as she still has him. He whispers to her the secret location of the passport and tells her to take it to the lawyer and destroy the papers that are hidden with it. Gabrielle begins to doubt his innocence, so she keeps the papers and burns the passport.
    Even though her new nanny, Claire, is completely capable, Lynette still feels guilty leaving her children alone with her. Bree tells her if she really has doubts, she should buy a hidden camera. Lynette installs the "nanny cam" and when she watches the tapes, she doesn't find anything wrong. Except for the fact that maybe Claire's better with her kids than she is. Deciding she has to sabotage Claire for her own peace of mind, Lynette insists Claire feed the boys their most-hated food: brussels sprouts. Claire fails miserably and, perversely, Lynette couldn't be happier.
    Julie is still hiding Zach in her room and is relieved that her father's imminent breakup with his new girlfriend will keep her home this weekend. That's bad news for Susan, who had planned a romantic weekend alone with Mike. When Julie's dad shows up after all, Susan puts on her sexiest lingerie and tells Mike to come over. She hears Zach sneaking around and realizes it's not Mike. But it's Mike whom she ends up whacking on the head when she mistakes him for the intruder. Now the cat's out of the bag and Susan insists Zach go home. When Susan tries to lecture Julie, her daughter tells her she's been the real mother ever since the divorce.
    Having waited long enough to hear from Mrs. Huber, Edie calls the police to let her into her friend's house.
     
11. Jan 09, 2005: Move On
    Martha Huber's sister, Felicia, shows up to help look for her missing sister, even though she says she's sure Martha's dead. After Martha's car is found abandoned, Edie organizes a search party. Paul decides he needs to draw suspicion away from himself, so he returns to Martha's grave and takes her bracelet, which he plants in Mike's garage.
    Rex is now well enough to be released from the hospital, but Bree refuses to let him come home, but she won't give an explanation to her children. Andrew insists, so she says she will let him stay while he still needs help, but after that, he can "rot in hell." Rex says he know Bree still loves him because of all the care she's taking with him. She responds, "Don't mistake my anal-retentiveness for actual affection." While picking up Rex's medication, Bree impulsively decides to ask out the pharmacist, George. When he shows up for their date, she invites him in for some awkward small talk with Rex, who tells him that Bree only asked him out to get back at him. Andrew demands an explanation when he sees George dropping Bree off and she accidentally reveals that Rex had an affair. Andrew calls her a liar, but then Rex tells him the truth, and Andrew can't believe she's being such a pushover by letting him stay. She says she's still going to divorce Rex, but that he is the love of her life, a sentiment Rex just happens to overhear.
    Gabrielle is fretting that she's running out of money now that Carlos' bank accounts are frozen. If Gabrielle produces the passport, then Carlos can come home and the bank accounts can be accessed. But she still wants to make him suffer, so she does nothing. His lawyer tells her she should start looking for a job, so she decides to try modeling again. Unfortunately, the only modeling jobs available in the suburbs are boat and car shows. While demonstrating a car at the local mall, Gabrielle tries to pretend she's just shopping when she runs into Tom and Lynette, even though she's wearing a gown and holding a mike. When her electricity is cut off, Gabrielle decides it's finally time to produce Carlos' passport.
    Lynette realizes Tom has a crush on their nanny, Claire, when Claire laughingly confesses that Tom caught her in the nude, a little thing Tom forgot to mention to his wife. Now Lynette knows why Tom was so amorous the night before! She tries to force him to admit he's attracted to Claire, but he insists he isn't. Then when Lynette catches Tom staring at Claire's breasts, Tom realizes it's time to let Claire go.
    Carl stops by Susan's and admits he and Brandy have broken up. Feeling sorry for him, Susan impulsively invites him to join her for Julie's birthday dinner. In the middle of a makeout session, Mike tells Susan he loves her. When she doesn't reciprocate right away, he says he thinks she still has feelings for Carl, or else why would she invite him to Julie's party? Carl shows up at the karaoke bar with Edie as his date, much to Susan's consternation. Edie lets it slip that she made out with Carl at a party once, while he was still married to Susan. Midway through belting out "New York, New York," Susan drops the song and launches into an angry tirade against Carl. The next day Carl comes over to apologize, but then he stuns Susan when he says he wants her back. She realizes that she really doesn't have any feelings for him anymore and giddily runs over to Mike's to tell him that she loves him. But her timing's not great: The police are there asking him about Martha Huber.
     
12. Jan 16, 2005: Every Day a Little Death
    Martha Huber's body is discovered and the news travels fast around Wisteria Lane. Susan stops by to offer her sympathy, her sister, Felicia, tells her she's going through Martha's diaries before turning them over to the police. Worried that the accidental arson of Edie's house is going to come out now, Susan realizes her only option is to come clean to Edie.
    First she decides she has to get on Edie's good side, and the only way to do that is to go with her to scatter Martha's ashes. Edie becomes suspicious of why Susan is being so nice to her but Susan says it's just because she feels bad for how she's treated her in the past. When they're ready to toss the ashes, Edie starts to cry because she is so touched by Susan's kindness. Feeling horribly guilty, Susan admits to the arson and Edie throws the ashes in her face. Edie says she won't go to the police, but rather than have the rest of Martha's ashes go down the shower drain, she hoses Susan off in her front yard, deciding that's a suitable last resting place for Mrs. Huber.
    Lynette is frustrated when she can't get into her yoga class because the day care always fills up before she can get there. A gum-in-hair incident forces her to shave her son Parker's head, who also just happens to have a cold. The next time she shows up at the yoga class, the receptionist sees his shaved head and mistakenly assumes when Lynette says he's sick, that he has cancer. Taking pity on Lynette, she agrees to sneak all of her children into day care. Lynette tries to correct her, but she can't resist the offer. This deception goes on until Parker meets a real cancer suvivor. Forced to reveal the truth, Lynette realizes she's ruined her karma for that particular yoga studio.
    Carlos is finally let out of jail, but Gabrielle is dismayed to find out that he can't work because he's under house arrest. When Gabrielle comes home with a bucket of chicken, exhausted from a 10-hour day of modeling, she doesn't want to hear Carlos starting in again on the baby talk. To prove she can control him, she takes the chicken and walks across the street where he can't follow unless he wants to set off the alarm on his ankle monitor. The next day, he orders replacement birth control pills to be delivered, which he painstakingly replaces with placebos.
    The older man Mike's working takes back his money and says he's hired a replacement since Mike hasn't produced any results yet in the search for his daughter, Dierdre. The older man says he's going to die soon, and he's running out of time, but agrees to keep Mike on the case.
    Bree has been seeing George nonstop in a bid to make Rex jealous. George surprises her with a special gift that has her speechless: An antique gun from World War II. She tries to teach him to shoot, but just as he's about to pull the trigger, he goes in for a kiss and she pulls away and he ends up shooting himself in the foot. She visits him in the hospital, where she learns he's lost a toe. He asks why she pulled away and she admits she's still in love with Rex. George says he still wants to see her, even if it's not romantic. She turns him down, saying it wouldn't be fair and he's crushed. Eating a solitary dinner in front of his TV, we see the video George is watching is one of Bree from the security camera at the pharmacy.
     
13. Jan 23, 2005: Your Fault
    Susan is horrified when she walks in on Julie and Zach kissing at the kitchen table and forbids her from going to the dance with him. She asks Paul to help keep the kids apart and he tells her they're moving. When Julie gets a phone call, Susan listens in and hears Zach mention Dana. Susan volunteers to chaperone the dance to keep an eye on Julie. Paul also volunteers, after asking Zach what kinds of things he's been talking to Julie about. Paul asks Susan to dance and she confesses she eavesdropped on Julie's conversation with Zach and that she knows "everything" about Dana. Paul assures her it was an accident.
    After the dance, Paul tells Zach that his memories are wrong. "You didn't kill anyone. And Dana is very much alive." Zach says he won't tell anyone the truth, but only if they don't move. Zach stops by the Mayers to share the good news but Susan isn't happy about it. When she tells him to stay away from Julie, he throws a fit. "Thank you," she says. "You just made this really easy for me," and she says she will call the police if he comes near Julie. Julie and Zach meet and try to decide what they're going to do now.
    Gabrielle is surprised when the Rowlands stop by to ask for her help in persuading John to go to college insead of his new plan of gardening fulltime. When Mrs. Rowland threatens to go to the police, she agrees to talk to John. Gabrielle goes to John's apartment to convince him he should give up the gardening business. He tells her he wants to work so he can support her, because Carlos can't anymore. And then he drops to one knee and produces a ring. "Mrs. Solis, will you marry me?" he asks. She returns the ring the next day and lies and tells him she regarded him only as a toy. It works: A heartbroken John is going to college after all.
    In the middle of divorce negotiations, Rex asks Bree why they don't just send all the lawyers home, but she just goes onto her next demand. When he repeats his offer to call off the divorce, she tells him she wants revenge, possibly by having her own affair. When she's out at a diner alone, she runs into George and asks his advice and he tells her she should forgive Rex. She gets home late, and this time it's Rex who's waiting up sleeplessly. Rex goes to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription and warns George that if Bree ever makes a move on him, she'd only be using him to even the score. George suddenly can't find Rex's prescription, even though it's right in front of him.
    Tom's father, Rodney, a traveling salesman, comes to visit. When Lynette returns home unexpectedly, she stumbles in on Rodney making out with a mystery woman, whom he claims is just a client. Lynette takes a tough stance and throws Rodney out of the house. Tom comes home and says he's not all that surprised about the affair, and that he's actually kind of impressed that his dad is still getting it on. Which results in Tom sitting next to his father on the curb. That night, Lynette apologizes for overreacting but needs to be reassured that Tom would never cheat on her. He assures her he's not his father, but later admits to Rodney that he has committed an indiscretion of his own, one that Lynette can never know about.
     
14. Feb 13, 2005: Love Is in the Air
    Susan shares what she's found out about Zach with her friends, that he killed his baby sister, Dana, as a child. But they still haven't figured out why Mary Alice told her therapist that her real name is "Angela." Felicia, Martha's sister, stops by Paul's and sees a photo of Mary Alice, whom she instantly recognizes as someone she used to know called Angela. Paul tells her she's mistaken.
    Gabrielle can't book any more jobs as a model after she's labeled difficult. She takes her frustration out on her maid, Yao Lin, who tells her "You are not better than me! The only reason you have anything is because you are pretty." Gabrielle promptly fires her. The only job Gabrielle can find now is as a lingerie-wearing "mattress model" at a mattress store. When she puts up a sign that reads "Do not talk to the model," the owner fires her. Finally, Gabrielle swallows her pride and takes a job at a makeup store. Who should walk into the store, but Yao Lin, who clearly delights in having Gabrielle wait on her for a change.
    Bree tells Dr. Goldfine she's happy she and Rex are back together, but there's something he's still not telling her, which is why he had the affair. "We're WASPs. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best," Bree tells the therapist, when he urges her to be open with Rex. Taking Dr. Goldfine's advice, Bree pushes Rex to tell her what his secret is and he finally admits, "I like to be dominated." She's reluctant to go along, but she finally agrees. But before she handcuffs Rex to the bed, she asks if she can run the handcuffs through the dishwasher first.
    Lynette is surprised when her boys give her a present she actually likes -- a beautiful flower pot they made for her. But then her neighbor, Mrs. McCluskey, a crotchety older woman, claims it's hers, and she has proof -- there's a price tag on the bottom. Lynette lets the boys off with a warning, if they swear never to do it again and write apology notes. Then Mrs. McCluskey accuses the boys of stealing her clock. The war escalates when Mrs. McCluskey runs over one of the boy's bikes with her car and Lynette retaliates by throwing eggs. Tom discovers a treasure trove of stolen things in the boys' playhouse, including the clock. The boys go over to apologize in person and Mrs. McCluskey shows an unexpectedly soft side when she reveals that her own son died when he was 12. It's a side Lynette, who waited outside, will never see. While returning all the stolen objects to the neighbors, Lynette shows Susan something the boys stole from Mike's garage: A bloodstained bracelet engraved "Martha Huber."
    Susan and Mike have reservations at an upscale restaurant for Valentine's Day. But a warning bell goes off when he lets it slip that he wants to have kids of his own someday. Meanwhile, while continuing his investigations, Mike breaks into a house and gets shot in the side. Since he doesn't want to tell Susan what's happened, he goes through with their dinner date. Just as she's starting to ask whether he wants children, he realizes he's bleeding badly and excuses himself. She thinks he's breaking up with her, but then he collapses, revealing his bloodstained shirt. At the hospital, he tells her he accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun and was too embarrassed to tell her. And then he tells her that he'd rather have her than be a dad. Susan doesn't know what to think when two policemen arrive just as she's leaving.
     
15. Feb 20, 2005: Impossible
    Bree is horrified when she finds a condom in the laundry basket. She accuses Rex of cheating on her again, but he tells her it has to be Andrew's. Bree grudgingly decides it's better to be safe than sorry and puts the condom on top of a pile of neatly folded clothes in Andrew's room. When the topic comes up at the dinner table, Andrew laughs and says it isn't his. It's Danielle's!
    She admits she was planning on having sex with John Rowland, and that he broke up with her because she wouldn't sleep with him. Bree's next step is to visit John and tell him to rebuff Danielle as cruelly as possible to make sure she doesn't hold out any hope.
    Tom is disappointed when he is passed over for VP at his office and Lynette tells him he should have been more aggressive. When the man who got the promotion instead of him has a heart attack, Tom goes after the job and gets it. Lynette is thrilled for him, until he tells her it will take him out on the road more.
    Lynette stops by Tom's new office and while she's there the boss's wife says she was the one who convinced him to promote Tom. So Lynette tells her how much Tom will miss of the kids' lives if he's gone so much. Her little job of sabotage works: Tom's promotion is revoked. When she sees how crushed Tom is, Lynette is remorseful, but she doesn't say anything.
    John's roommate, Justin, tells Gabrielle he'll mow her lawn for free, and offers to "take care of all the things John did." She turns him down, but he shows up anyway as their new free gardener, which money-strapped Carlos is thrilled about. Justin demands she sleep with him at least once or he'll tell Carlos about her and John.
    Gabrielle goes to John's apartment to tell him about Justin's threat. Only Justin is there and he apologizes for blackmailing her. He says he just wanted to prove to himself that he's not gay, even though he has a "buddy" he's been messing around with for some time now. Gabrielle kisses him goodbye as a test and he realizes he really is gay when he feels nothing.
    Carlos and Gabrielle reluctantly realize they're so broke they may have to sell their house and move away from Wisteria Lane.
    Zach invites Julie to a pool party, but she says she can't come because her mom has forbidden her to see him.
    Susan tells the other women about Mike shooting himself and how Lynette's children found Mrs. Huber's bracelet in his garage. They urge her to call the police and she reluctantly agrees. When Mike comes over to ask her why she's been avoiding him, the police show up and arrest him. A detective questions Susan, and she realizes that the night Martha Huber was murdered was the same night she and Mike first slept together. She's his alibi!
    Mike meets with the man footing the bill for his investigation who says he'll use his money to "save Mike's ass."
    The detective asks Susan to come down to the police station, where he tells her that an intruder was shot the same night Mike "accidentally" shot himself. Then he shows her Mike's police file: He's been convicted of drug trafficking and manslaughter.
    With Susan out, Julie goes over to Zach's pool party, where his creepy behavior finally convinces her there's something wrong with him.
    When she gets home, a tearful Susan tells Mike to stay away from her. Discovering that Julie's gone, Susan realizes she must be at Zach's and runs over to find her. Thinking Julie is in the pool making out with Zach, Susan demands the couple surface. It's Justin and Andrew! "I'm not gay!" Andrew insists, even though neither boy is wearing his swim trunks.
     
16. Mar 27, 2005: The Ladies Who Lunch
    Maisy Gibbons is arrested for prostitution -- in full view of all the neighbors! The scandal rocks the neighborhood, and while everyone else is happily dishing the dirt, Bree is worried that Rex's name will come up. Especially when she hears that Maisy kept a black book of all her clients.
    Bree brings Maisy a gift basket in jail and asks her to take Rex's name out of the book. She's willing to pay her $14,000 for the favor, but Maisy won't go for it. When Bree and Rex go out to eat at the country club, everyone is staring at them and they realize the secret is out. They stay and eat dinner with as much dignity as they can, but Bree decides it's time to quit the country club.
    When Gabrielle and Carlos' sewage backs up into the house, they can't afford to fix it, so instead they improvise, using the bathrooms at their neighbors' houses and doing their laundry in the Jacuzzi in the backyard. Life without indoor plumbing is getting to Gabrielle, so much so that she doesn't hesitate to steal a Porta Potty from a construction site.
    After Gabrielle uses Bree's bathroom for the zillionth time that week, Bree gently asks her if she's having money problems and is hurt that Gabrielle wouldn't tell her about it. Gabrielle says it's the same as Bree not telling her that Rex was one of Maisy's clients. "Great friends pretend nothing happened," Gabrielle says, and they both pretend they don't know each other's humiliating secrets.
    Bree decides to give the money to Gabrielle instead, for her house repairs. "Good friends offer to help in a crisis. Great friends don't take no for an answer," she tells Gabrielle.
    Lynette's boys Preston and Porter are blamed for an outbreak of lice at their private school and soon they are disinvited from the event of the season, Topher Brennan's birthday party. Lynette is desperate that they don't become social pariahs, so she gets the school nurse to tell her who the real culprit is. It turns out the birthday boy is "patient zero." Lynette shows up with the boys, uninvited, and threatens to expose Topher unless his mom tells every other mother her boys are clean.
    Now that Paul has changed his mind about selling his house, he needs his key back from Edie, who was his realtor. He tells her he'll be out of town tonight, so she can bring the key back tomorrow. She jokes that maybe she'll keep it. "After all, it's been six months since your wife died. Lighten up!"
    Susan is moping after her breakup with Mike, and Edie decides it's time she's out and about, so she takes her out drinking. Susan admits she just wants Mike back and she knows he didn't kill Mrs. Huber. So who did? Susan says she doesn't trust Paul, and Edie recalls he was awfully quick to make Mike sound guilty to Mrs. Huber's sister, Felicia.
    Since Edie has the key to Paul's house and knows he'll be away, the two women decide to do some snooping. They find a tape labeled "Utah, Angela Award Party," that Paul was watching earlier. The women don't get a chance to see what Paul saw -- that Felicia is on the tape too -- because just then Paul comes home and the women hide behind the couch.
    Edie pops out and tells him she is there to return the key, but when he doesn't buy that, she kisses him. That leaves Susan free to make her getaway, where she runs into Mike. She hasn't been returning his phone calls, so he takes the opportunity to assure her he's not a cold-blooded killer. And then he kisses her.
    After Edie leaves, Paul discovers the tape hidden in the sofa cushions -- not at all where he left it.
     
17. Apr 03, 2005: There Won't Be Trumpets
    After five months in a coma, Juanita Solis wakes up in the middle of the night, determined to tell Carlos the truth about Gabrielle. While looking for someone to help her, she slips on a wet floor and falls down the stairs! With her dying breath, she tells the night nurse to tell her son that his wife is cheating on him - but the nurse was wearing headphones! Gabrielle's secret dies with Mama Solis.
    At the funeral, Gabrielle blows her top when she sees Carlos has bought an expensive crypt for Juanita. She demands he take the plea bargain he's being offered; it means eight months in jail, but it also means they can keep their house. He agrees to take the plea bargain, but makes her promise to be faithful while he's gone.
    Then the hospital administrator tells her about the lapse in care that resulted in Juanita's death, and they're willing to make a monetary settlement! Gabby checks with her lawyer: the government can't claim any of the money if it's awarded after Carlos goes to jail. So she says nothing to Carlos, for now.
    After Andrew is expelled from school, Bree insists they send him to a juvenile detention center. Rex is reluctant until he catches Andrew sassing Bree and when he trips her, Rex throws him against a wall and threatens to throw him through it next time he treats his mother like that. They wake Andrew the next day and tell him he needs to spend time thinking about his life goals -- at the disciplinary camp they're sending him to! And two burly escorts are there to pick him up. Bree rushes to reassure him everything will be all right, but Andrew spits in her face. Undaunted, Bree tells him that no matter what he does, she'll always love him.
    Mike leaves Susan a note explaining "everything" about his past, but she's afraid to open it. Mike's not her only headache: her car gets a flat tire and she quickly figures out where the stray nail came from - Edie's construction site. When Edie's hunky new contractor, Bill, asks her out, she decides to ask Edie's permission first, since Edie said they were dating. Edie tells her no, even though she's not all that interested in Bill herself.
    When Bill comes over to mend the flat tire, she agrees to go out with him. But Susan spends the entire date talking about Mike! Then Edie shows up and tells Susan she'll "hate her forever," and also fires Mike. As Susan drives them home, Bill tries to convince her to tell Edie she threw herself at him so he can get his job back. As they argue, Susan loses control of the car -- the tire's gone flat again! "I was meaning to take it in," she says meekly as they miserably sit by the side of the road waiting for the tow truck.
    Lynette befriends Alisa, the deaf mother of one of her boys' classmates and invites her and her husband over to dinner. But she's horrified when the husband starts criticizing Alisa right at the dinner table. "It's not like she can hear me," he says.
    She tells Tom that she has to say something about it to Alisa, but Tom warns her not to. When they all play tennis together, the husband continues to be rude, so Lynette tells him to stop saying such awful things about his wife.
    The next day, an enraged Alisa comes in and yells at her -- her husband has left her and it's all Lynette's fault! "I only wanted to help," Lynette says. Later, Tom reassures her that her urge to help people is one of the reasons he loves her.
     
18. Apr 10, 2005: Children Will Listen
    Police question Paul about a toy chest he bought 12 years ago - since it's turned up with a woman's body inside it. Zach quickly covers for his father and says they got rid of it years ago. Paul tells Zach a private detective came to take Zach away from them and that's whose body is in the chest.
    Felicia invites Zach over and tells him she knew his mother long ago in Utah. And that she'd met him when he was a young boy -- when his name was Dana!
    Amid their ongoing arguments about whether to have children - Carlos is for it, and Gabrielle is dead-set against it - the lawyer from the hospital shows up at the Solis' with the settlement check for the negligence case over Mama Solis' death. Carlos is furious that Gabrielle didn't tell him about the money sooner so he could have used it to fight having to go to jail. She tells him he deserves to go to jail and that at least this way, they'll have money when he gets out.
    He threatens to divorce her and cut her out of the settlement unless she signs a post-nuptial that will alter the terms of their pre-nup. She counters by saying she knows about his bank account in the Cayman Islands -- proof of his illegal profits. He threatens to divorce her and she threatens to go to the police. But then he moves the money so she can't blackmail him anymore, and physically forces her to sign the post-nup.
    After Carlos' attack, she runs to John's apartment. When John sees the bruises on her wrist, he wants to settle things with Carlos, but she says kissing her is the best revenge. Gabrielle doesn't know that Carlos has been tampering with her birth-control pills, so when she sleeps with John, Mary Alice tells us in voiceover, Gabrielle becomes pregnant!
    A harried Lynette dumps her kids on Bree without asking first so she can meet old work friends for a drink. Bree obliges, but when Porter acts up, she spanks him --something Lynette never does. When Lynette finds out, she flips out and Bree responds by saying everyone knows the Scavo kids are out of control. Lynette coldly tells Bree she has no business criticizing her parenting skills since Andrew is now at a camp for juvenile delinquents.
    Lynette sounds off to Tom, but he admits the kids are onto their empty threats to spank them. Lynette says her mother beat her and her sisters and she refuses to become like her mother. But then when the boys keep acting up, Lynette snaps. She threatens them with a spanking -- from Mrs. Van de Kamp! The boys immediately start behaving.
    Bree has a crisis about whether she's a good mother when it's time to visit Andrew. She doesn't want to go but Rex talks her into it. Andrew doesn't want to see her and she assumes it's because he hates her. Stuck with the truly terrible mothers outside, she storms in and demands Andrew to admit that she's a good mother.
    Rex says Andrew asked to talk to him alone first because he wanted to admit he thinks he might be gay!
    Lynette apologizes to Bree, but Bree tells her she's the one who's sorry.
    Susan's mother, Sophie, shows up unexpectedly and immediately gets into a fender-bender with Mike. Now that he's met her ditzy mom, Mike tells Susan that suddenly a lot of questions he had about her are answered.
    Sophie reveals she's left her boyfriend, Morty, because he "shoved" her. Susan is reluctant to believe the boyfriend is abusive, due to her mother's tendency to exaggerate things. So Susan tries to get her to reconcile with Morty. But the reconciliation goes sour, and Susan is stuck with her mother -- for now.
     
19. Apr 17, 2005: Live Alone and Like It (a.k.a. An Unexpected Song)
    Lynette's antagonistic relationship with her neighbor, Mrs. McCluskey, is changed when the elderly woman collapses after taking too much medication. Lynette reluctantly does the right thing and calls the paramedics and then rides along to the hospital.
    To thank Lynette for saving her life, Mrs. McCluskey presents her with a Tiffany lamp. But it comes with strings attached -- now she wants to come over to chat and to tag along on Lynette's errands. Lynette responds by handing back the lamp.
    The next day, Lynette signs for a package for Mrs. McCluskey when she doesn't answer the door. Lynette lets herself in and finds that the older woman can't open her bottles of arthritis medicine.
    Mrs. McCluskey tells her not to help if it's only because she feels obligated since they're not friends. Lynette sternly tells her life is obligation -- and she'll be over in the morning to take her to the pharmacy so she can get child-proof bottles. And then she takes back the Tiffany lamp.
    Susan's mother, Sophie, is still staying with her, and making Susan's life hell by picking up random strangers. When Sophie surprises her with a double date, Susan tells her she can't understand how she can just move on after a breakup. "I'm devastated," she tells her mother. "Morty was just one in a long line of guys for you. Mike was the one. Why don't you get that?"
    The woman's body that was found in the toy chest is identified as the missing Deirdre. A police officer -- the one who was paid off by Deirdre's dad to drop Mike from the list of suspects in Mrs. Huber's murder -- gives Mike the file on Deirdre, but tells him he's scum and beats him up. Perusing the file, Mike reacts when he sees Paul Young's name on the list of people who owned a similar toy chest.
    Bree is so upset over Andrew's revelation that he might be gay, she ambushes him with a visit from a reverend who specializes in "converting" gay teenagers. Andrew blithely says he's comfortable who he is and not the least bit "confused." Rex finally speaks up and says that if Andrew is happy who he is, it's their job to support him. Bree retaliates by announcing that Rex is into S&M and it's "no wonder" that Andrew is "perverted."
    When Bree tells Andrew she's worried he won't go to heaven now, he agrees to see Reverend Sykes. But he tells the reverend that although he "likes vanilla and chocolate," admitting he was gay was just a ploy to get his parents to take him out of the camp and that he doesn't even believe in God.
    He outlines his plan to get revenge on his mother -- pretend to be the perfect son, then one day do something "so awful it will destroy her. When that day comes, I'll know paradise," he tells the shocked clergyman.
    Gabrielle and Carlos are still fighting over the post-nup -- and the brutal way he forced her to sign it. She won't let him sleep in their bed until he tears it up, so he cancels her credit cards. She threatens to kill him if he ever hurts her again; he threatens to kill her if she ever sleeps with another man.
    With her shopping resources cut off, Gabrielle accepts John's student credit card, but since his parents are cosigners, it quickly gets canceled. That leaves her stranded in a restaurant with a bill she can't pay. Eying a handsome stranger, she easily talks him into picking up her tab.
    Which gives her the confidence to go home and show off her new shoes -- bought with John's money -- to Carlos. "I'm a pretty girl, and pretty girls are never lonely," she reminds him. Carlos finally relents and rips up the post-nup, and Gabrielle lets him back into bed
     
20. May 01, 2005: Fear No More
    A lovesick Zach tries to get Julie's attention in the middle of the night by throwing rocks at her window. When Susan opens the window to yell at him, she gets an eyeful of gravel by mistake. Susan orders him to leave but Zach clings to the hope that Julie is still interested.
    Paul confronts Edie about what she was really doing in his house the other night and she admits she and Susan broke in to look for a reason why Mary Alice would kill herself. Mike overhears this and doesn't like the idea that Paul may now be going after Susan, so he warns her to stay away from him.
    But Paul comes to tell her to leave him alone. When an explosion goes off in Susan's kitchen, it may be the fault of her ditzy mother, Sophie, or it may just be Paul who set it as a warning. Or it may be the the work of increasingly disturbed Zach, who doesn't take it well when Julie finally tells him she doesn't want to be his girlfriend anymore.
    Watching all this drama, Felicia recalls a conversation she had with her sister, Martha, that Angela Forrest -- the name Mary Alice used to go by -- disappeared from Utah with a drug addict's baby boy. And that Zach must clearly be that boy.
    Gabrielle is celebrating having money again by going out shopping for a new sports car -- which she promptly gets sick in. The saleswoman suggests that Gabrielle may be pregnant and she insists that's impossible. But she goes to a pharmacy and takes a home pregnancy test right there in their bathroom -- and it's positive!
    She finds out who to blame soon enough at Carlos' pre-going-to-jail bash. She angrily throws her birth control pills on the counter and realizes they've been tampered with. In front of all their guests, she marches up to Carlos and yells, "I'm pregnant, you bastard," and slaps his face. He is surprised, but then just smiles and finishes his margarita.
    Lynette is furious when she stops by Tom's office and sees his old girlfriend, Annabel, in his office -- and she gets angrier when she finds she's been working there for three months! The next day, she stops by the office and tells Annabel that her marriage with Tom is rock solid. "Then why are you here warning me?" Annabel asks.
    Lynette's next tactic is to invite her over for dinner, and parade the kids out with their picture of their perfect family -- the one Lynette insisted they draw. When Annabel gets a phone call, Tom takes Lynette aside and tells her how fed up he is with her insecurity that he might cheat and that it's driving him away. And it turns out Annabel's phone call means the two of them have to leave right now and pull an all-nighter at work.
    Rex and Bree run into George at a flower show and he invites Bree to a bonsai exhibition. Bree accepts but Rex tells her he doesn't want her to go because George is obviously still in love with her. She reluctantly agrees to tell George she can't go, but when she shows up the pharmacy to deliver the news, he persuades her that not only is he not in love with her, but he has a new girlfriend -- Ginger, the stock girl he was just fighting with a minute before.
    Bree relaxes and invites both him and Ginger to Carlos's party. But when Rex sees him there, he shoves him into the pool -- and George takes Bree in with him!
    When Bree apologizes to George later, he asks her what she'll do if Rex forbids her to see him. She says she can make up her own mind about who she needs in her life and that she needs him.
     
21. May 08, 2005: Sunday in the Park with George
    When Gabrielle confronts Carlos about tampering with her birth control, he not only denies it -- he blames it on his dead mother!
    Gaby tells John he might be the father and after an initial freak out, he wants to take responsibility, starting with having it out with Carlos! Gaby persuades him not to say anything, because the baby -- whoever the father ends up being -- will have a better life with Carlos. When Carlos sees John, he asks him to come be their gardener again. "You are practically family," he says.
    Lynette is worried when she realizes it's been 10 days since she and Tom have had sex. But when they try to go for it, he is turned off by the smell of baby drool on her shirt. Lynette realizes she'll have to make some effort, so she buys a French maid outfit, which she'ss still wearing when he finally comes home late with a colleague he was planning on putting up on the couch where Lynette is now sacked out in her sexy get-up!
    Lynette tells Tom she's convinced their marriage is in real trouble, and that with her lack of make-up and sexy clothes, she cannot keep up with Annabel. That night, Tom tells her to wait before coming into the bedroom -- where she finds him modeling some skimpy underwear. Hurrah: Their marriage is saved!
    Morty proposes to Sophie -- and she accepts! Before she leaves, Sophie tells Susan that she told Mike how much Susan still loves him.
    Bree is having a decadent lunch with George and as they feed each other samples of their food, Bree sees Edie giving her the eye. Bree realizes how it must look, so she assures Edie that she and George are only friends, just one she tells her innermost thoughts to. Then why, Edie asks, aren't you sharing those with your husband, Rex?
    Trying to get closer to Rex, Bree reminds him of a romantic trip they once took to Italy. But he rains on her parade when all he remembers is how hot it was and how much they spent.
    The detective that Susan hired, Shaw, tells Paul that she's hired him, and that he'll tell her whatever Paul wants her to hear. So he prepares a file backing up Paul's claims -- that Dana was their baby girl who died as an infant and that Angela changed her name to Mary Alice because of a dispute with a relative. Susan is convinced she's been wrong about Paul. But she has one more task for Shaw -- to investigate Mike.
    When she gets the file on Mike, it's worse than she thought -- the man he killed was a cop. So she goes to Deirdre's family, and her father tells her that there's nothing more she needs to know. But Kendra takes her aside and tells her Mike acted in self-defense, to save Deirdre from her drug habit and from a blackmailing cop. "I knew he was good," Susan sobs, and rushes back to Mike and throws herself in his arms.
    Even though Susan's off his back, Paul still decides to leave town. But that will set off Zach, so Paul drugs him so he can start packing. Felicia keeps calling to see where Zach is, so when she sees Paul leave, she sneaks over and finds Zach unconscious. She leaves a note for Paul that he can find Zach at her house. When Paul shows up, she says she knows he killed her sister -- because Martha knew that he and Mary Alice had kidnapped Zach as a baby. Paul asks her what she wants and she says she wants him to leave town -- but to leave Zach with her. And Paul agrees.
     
22. May 15, 2005: Goodbye For Now
    "Mike and I are moving in together," Susan announces happily, much to Edie's dismay.
    At the weekly poker game, Edie suggests the move may be too soon. After all, they still don't know how Mike really got shot or how Mrs. Huber's bracelet ended up in his garage. So her friends arrange an intervention, but she convinces them she's so happy, she's willing to take the chance.
    Zach doesn't take it well when he comes to in Felicia's house and his father is gone, having left behind only a note and a baseball glove. He hurls the glove away in disgust and Felicia finds a note inside addressed to Zach to meet Paul in secret Thursday night.
    Mike asks Felicia if he knows where Paul is, and she tells him where he can find him, and that Martha was blackmailing him over a murder -- and isn't Mike investigating the murder of his friend? She hands him Martha's diary, and urges him to get revenge.
    Susan's doubts about Mike return when she finds Martha's diary in his truck, so she and Julie tail him, but they follow the wrong truck!
    Meanwhile, Mike meets an unsuspecting Paul at the ball park and knocks him out.
    Carlos is busted when Gaby gets a statement from their insurance company that dates the birth control order after Juanita was in a coma. "You did this!" she fumes, and announces she's leaving him. Before she drives off, she asks, "What makes you think you're the father?"
    Furious, Carlos follows her to Justin and John's apartment. Having earlier seen Gaby slap Justin for telling her she's a heartless bitch, Carlos is convinced he's her lover and starts brutally beating him. He's quickly stopped by the police who were alerted by his ankle alarm when he left the house.
    Justin says he's not Gabrielle's lover and that he's actually gay, and Carlos moans, "Not again!" He's facing eight years for being a serial gay basher, now that the police have matched him to a sketch of the suspect who beat up the cable guy. He thinks Gaby made up having a lover just to make him mad and now he asks her to lie to say she was having an affair to save him, but she refuses.
    Tom tells Lynette he's sick of her showing up at the office all the time, so she comes up with a new plan to keep him away from Annabel. She meets with an old coworker and suggests she hire Tom. Realizing what they want is someone like Annabel, Lynette suggests they hire her.
    The next day, Annabel giddily tells Tom that the firm didn't want to lose her, so they've just made her VP. Tom angrily marches into his boss's office and demands to know why he's been passed over again, and that he's quitting. The boss says he took away Tom's promotion because Lynette asked his wife to do her a favor.
    Bree and George are playing miniature golf, when her touch causes him some major embarrassment -- he has an erection he can't hide! Bree is enraged that he lied about just wanting to be friends.
    Realizing he's about to lose her, George breaks into her house and -- after switching out Rex's heart medicine pills -- finds her box of sex toys. When he just "happens" to run into her at the supermarket, he tells her Rex was joking with his colleagues about his penchant for S&M.
    Rex adamantly denies telling anyone about their sex life, and then clutches his arm. "I'm having a heart attack!" he tells Bree and she responds, "No, you're not!" Finally convinced he's not faking it, she tells him to wait downstairs. When Danielle finds him, he tells her he's still waiting for Bree to take him to the hospital. She runs to find her mother -- who's taking her time meticulously making the bed before she's ready to go
     
23. May 22, 2005: One Wonderful Day
    When Gabrielle, Susan, and Lynette show up at the hospital, Bree confides that she feels guilty because she and Rex were having a fight when he had his heart attack and that now he needs a pacemaker.
    Before his operation, Rex apologizes for being a bad husband. She tells him he's going to be just fine and that "the best is yet to come."
    Rex's doctor says his potassium levels are abnormally high and asks him who prepares his meals. When Rex says it's Bree, the doctor points out their recent marital problems and reminds him of the time Bree fed him onions, nearly killing him. Rex insists that was an accident and orders the doctor out. But he writes a note to Bree saying he's forgiven her.
    Bree is home when she gets a call from the doctor -- Rex has just died! She can't believe it -- his operation wasn't even scheduled until tomorrow! She numbly sits in her empty dining room, looking at the chair where Rex would normally sit. She goes into typical Bree coping mode by polishing the silver but then she dissolves into heartbroken sobs.
    Gabrielle testifies on Carlos's behalf, but she makes him promise to do more than his share of caring for the baby.
    She testifies that she lied about having an affair to make him jealous and that he's a "angry, jealous, Neanderthal" but that he's no gay basher. Just as the judge is determining that Carlos's attacks can't be considered hate crimes, John comes in and tells Carlos, "You beat up the wrong guy."
    Seeing red, Carlos jumps to grab John, but instead tackles Justin, who just happens to be in his way. "I'll kill you!" Carlos shouts to John, but to everyone else it looks like he's shouting it at Justin. On the stand, Gabrielle rolls her eyes.
    Lynette finds Tom at an arcade in the middle of the day and he tells her he quit -- and that he knows about how she got his promotion revoked. Now that her act of sabotage has been found out, she doesn't know what to say. Then Tom surprises her by saying he wants to be a stay-at-home dad and she should go back to work.
    Edie stops by to introduce herself to Wisteria Lane's new residents, Betty Applewhite and her son, Matthew. "I've never sold a house over the phone before," she says, her curiosity piqued. They're polite, but standoffish.
    Zach freaks out when Felicia tells him his father isn't ever coming back for him. "What did you do to him?" he demands and beats her up. His next stop is Susan's -- and he's got a gun. He holds her hostage, saying that since Felicia told him Mike was on his way to kill his father, he's going to kill Mike when he gets home.
    Edie comes over, scared to be alone after the news of Felicia's attack gets out, but can't understand Susan's attempt to tell her Zach's holding a gun on her and storms off in a huff, completely unaware of the situation.
    Mike takes Paul out to a deserted quarry, intending to shoot him. Paul demands to know what it's for, if it's not about Martha Huber's murder. Mike says it's about Dierdre.
    Paul finally comes clean about his and Mary Alice's secret: a drugged-out Dierdre sold them her baby to feed her habit. They fled Utah and changed their names, but she still found them. Mary Alice killed Dierdre by accident when she came to forcibly take Zach/Dana back from them and they hid her body where they thought it would never be found -- in a toy chest buried under their new pool.
    Mike wavers. "Dierdre had a child?" he asks, clearly shaken. He walks away, leaving Paul stranded, but still alive. He drives back to his house, where Zach is still waiting for him, and goes inside

Season Two

1. 25 Sept, 05: Next
   We last left Susan in Mike's house with Zach holding her hostage at gunpoint. He's waiting to kill Mike because he thinks he killed his father, Paul. When Mike comes home, Susan tackles Zach. In the resulting confusion, Susan trips and falls, the gun goes off harmlessly and Zach runs off.
   At the hospital, where Susan is being treated for the lip she accidentally bit, Julie hears Mike giving police a different version of events, one that downplays Zach's murderous intentions.
   Julie tells Susan and she confronts Mike about it. He admits he doesn't want to press charges. He tells her about how Mary Alice and Paul killed Deirdre because of Zach. He's interrupted by a call from the police -- they've just found Zach. He's dead. Since Paul is missing, Mike and Susan go to the morgue to identify his body. Only it's not Zach. When Susan sees Mike's reaction, she realizes what he was about to tell her - Zach is his son. She freaks out and leaves him there.
   She shows up at his house later to tell him that she's so happy he has a son since he always wanted children. But she can't let Zach near Julie and so she decides they can't move in together. She runs off in tears.
   Bree tells her friends she can't fall apart after Rex's death. She has to stay calm to deal with his emotional mother, Phyllis. When she starts emphasizing how happy Rex's life was pre-marriage, including asking he be buried in a hideous prep school tie, Bree tells her to say what she really means. Phyllis tells Bree that she ruined Rex's life when she married him. Bree snaps and bans her from the funeral, until Andrew and Danielle beg her to reconsider. Bree relents and Phyllis apologizes to her and all is well. Until the funeral, where Bree sees that Rex is wearing the hated prep school tie and not the Ralph Lauren tie she picked out. "Don't close that coffin!" she orders and in full view of the entire church, demands Tom's tie and props up Rex's body so she can put it on instead.
   At her job interview, Lynette tries to make a good impression on Nina, who doesn't approve of anyone who takes time off to be with their kids. Lynette assures her it won't be a problem. But then the day of her follow-up interview, Tom throws out his back and can't take care of the baby, so she's forced to take her to the interview. She manages to wow Nina's boss with her multitasking skills, changing the baby while pitching them ideas on how to take their agency to the next level. She's hired, although Nina is less than thrilled.
   John shows up at Gabrielle's house with a suitcase -- he's ready to move in and start a life with her and the baby now that Carlos is in jail and knows about their affair. But she's still mad at him for spilling the beans and throws him out.
   Gabrielle visits Carlos in jail and tells him she's sorry and she wants to start over. He tells her he wants a paternity test. She fakes a test that says he's the father and is surprised when he isn't happy. He says all he asked for was for her to be faithful and she says his meddling with her birth control was worse than her affair. "We're not very nice people are we?" Carlos asks. "At least we're still rich," she says and they both nod sadly.
   Bree introduces herself to new neighbor Betty Applewhite and her son Josh, asking Betty if she can play the organ at Rex's funeral since their organist is on vacation. Betty agrees and tells Bree "Us widows have to stick together."--Only she's not a widow. Her husband is very much alive -- and apparently a prisoner in his own basement!
    
2. 2 Oct, 05: You Could Drive a Person Crazy
   Susan is dismayed to see her ex-husband, Karl, emerge from Edie's house one morning. She runs over to confront him and he admits he's sleeping with Edie and may move in with her.
   When Edie comes by -- on rollerskates -- to apologize for not telling her, Susan pretends not to care and gets in her car to drive away. Edie brags that Karl told her that sex with her was the best of his life. Susan snaps back that Karl told her he's still in love with her and recently asked her to come back to him. She drives off, Edie still in pursuit, and after their ensuing argument, accidentally backs up into her. Oops!
   Meanwhile, Mike wants to know where their relationship stands now that they're not moving in together. Susan says she wants to keep it "casual," but he doesn't know what that means. "We can still go see a movie," she explains, as he comes closer. "Anything else?" he asks and as he starts to kiss her, she says, "Brunch. We can go to brunch!" and runs away.
   Rex's mother Phyllis publicly embarrasses Bree when she starts crying over Rex's death. So Bree slaps her! She apologizes later, but with Bree's uncanny composure and her eagerness to settle Rex's will, Phyllis starts to suspect Bree isn't sorry Rex is dead.
   The doctor treating Rex finds the note he wrote before he died, forgiving Bree, although it doesn't say why. The suspicious doctor hands it to the lead insurance investigator. The same investigator Phyllis calls when she sees Bree being comforted by the ever opportunistic George.
   Gabrielle's outburst last time she visited Carlos - about him being a rich man - means unless he pays a violent inmate off, there'll be hell to pay. She agrees to deliver $7,000 to the guy's girlfriend, but it's for breast implants she doesn't want. Gabrielle quickly agrees she doesn't need them and takes the cash back.
   The next time she sees Carlos, he's been badly beaten and he orders her to convince the girlfriend to take the money. She refuses, unless he gives her control of their bank account.
   Lynette is dismayed to come back from a long day at the office to find the house is a pigsty and Tom already in bed. The final straw is when she realizes he didn't change the bed after the baby threw up in it.
   She starts changing the bed around him and he tells her she has control issues. She leaves him the bed and goes to sleep on the couch. While flipping channels she comes across a horror movie about rats and has a brainwave.
   The next day she lets loose a rat in the house and waits for it to have the desired effect. When she comes home, the house is spotless. Tom admits he let the house go too far but that the rat inspired him to clean. And that he killed it with a shovel.
   She's both pleased and horrified by the news. She goes to take out the trash and apologizes to the dead rat, but also thanks it for saving her marriage.
   Susan asks Betty about the strange clanging noises she's been hearing coming from her house in the middle of the night. Betty pretends not to know what she's talking about but then the noise comes again. She explains that it's just her son, Matthew, but then he walks up behind them, having just gotten home. Betty says a quick goodbye, leaving Susan more suspicious than ever.
   Betty complains to her psychiatrist that she can't sleep, telling him how her husband used to beat her and how she still has nightmares because she wasn't able to prevent him from killing their son. The doctor prescribes a sleeping pill, which she grinds up and puts in the food she brings to the chain-rattling captive in her basement.
    
3. 9 Oct, 05: ....Get Away From Me
   On a visit to Rex's grave, Bree is horrified to discover that they've dug up his body. Her mother-in-law Phyllis has "forgotten" to tell her about the insurance investigator's suspicions that Rex was poisoned.
   Bree promptly packs Phyllis's bags and sends her off in a taxi -- and then insists on taking a polygraph test to clear herself of all suspicion. But when they ask her if she loves George, the readout spikes. She tells George that he has to take a polygraph test too, because now they suspect the two of them of conspiring to poison Rex. When he asks why she didn't pass her test, she admits she might have feelings for him after all. George agrees -- and aces his test.
   Carlos tells Gabrielle she's never really apologized for her affair and she throws in his face how much John said he loved her. On a nostalgic impulse, she follows John to his new job and is horrified to see him disappearing inside with the woman whose lawn he's cutting. After seeing them kissing, she grabs an electric hedge trimmer and destroys the woman's rose bushes. When John confronts her, she admits she did it, and asks how he can be with someone new if he still loves her. He says he'll dump the other woman if she wants him back but she reluctantly says no, it's better this way. At last she can go back to Carlos and tell him she is truly sorry. Carlos tells her it's the best anniversary present she ever gave him. And she tells him that his - an Astin Martin she purchased for herself without his knowing - is the best present he's ever given her.
   Lynette's new boss, Nina, says no when she asks to take the morning off to bring Parker to school for his first day. So Lynette rigs up a remote camera so she can be there -- only she keeps getting called away to meetings. She maneuvers a piping hot mug of coffee so that it spills in Nina's lap, canceling the meeting. She's then free to talk Parker through his first day.
   Susan is furious to find out that Edie is going to accompany Julie on guitar in a church family talent show. She goes to Betty for help in brushing up her piano playing skills, but she catches her at a bad time, just as their mysterious prisoner in the basement has gotten free and had to be forcibly subdued. Betty refuses to help or let her in and explains the red stains on her shirt are because she was making a cherry pie.
   Matthew convinces Betty that it's less suspicious to help Susan out, so Betty changes her mind and gives her lessons. Susan than forces Julie to choose between her and Edie for the talent show and Julie caves and picks her mother. But when it comes time to perform, Susan sees Edie in the audience and feels bad and asks her to play instead. Edie accepts, even though she doesn't have her guitar with her. She insists she can play piano too, only not very well as it turns out.
   Mike goes to see how Felicia is doing and asks if she knows where he might be able to find Zach. She says that after he beat her and pushed her down the stairs, she's a little less interested in his well being. She's also disappointed to hear that he didn't end up killing Paul and warns he'll be back looking for Zach himself
    
4. 16 Oct 05  My Heart Belongs To Daddy
   Lynette feels like a bad mother when she learns that Parker has invented an imaginary friend, the Mary Poppins-like Mrs. Mulberry now that she's gone back to work. Her efforts to persuade him that Mrs. Mulberry doesn't exist are useless, so she resorts to throwing away Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella and tells Parker that she's gone to another little boy who needed her more.
   Only the umbrella falls out of the back of a garbage truck and is run over -- in full view of a horrified Parker. At least now he accepts that she's gone for good.
   Gabrielle accidentally incites a riot at the prison when she argues with her lawyer over conjugal visits and the inmates -- who appreciate seeing her on a regular basis -- take her side. She gets a new lawyer, one who instantly hits on her, but one who also successfully gets her her conjugal visits. Susan and Mike are still being "casual" until she accepts that Zach is part of his life. So she tells him she's OK with that and even starts helping him look for Zach. Edie sees a flyer and tells Susan she knows that Mike's Zach's real father since Julie let it slip. Susan admits she doesn't think they'll actually find Zach and Edie tells her she's trying to have it both ways -- help Mike while not having to deal with Zach.
   At a park where runaways are said to hang out, Mike and Susan split up to look for Zach. Susan is buying ice cream when the vendor points out Zach to her. She goes running, sending her ice cream sundae flying everywhere. She corners Zach and he swings a piece of wood at her, so she runs to Mike. Except all she tells him is that she ate his ice cream, and doesn't mention Zach at all.
   Gabrielle tells Susan she did the right thing but Bree feels Susan should help him, so she tracks him down again and buys him lunch. She tells him Paul's OK, just missing, and that he should just come back with her. But he starts to ramble obsessively about Julie and asks whether she thinks he still has a chance with her and Susan changes her mind. She encourages him to go look for Paul and asks him how much money he needs to get to Utah.
   Andrew interrupts Bree saying goodnight to George and rudely tells him he should be going. George stands his ground and soon the two are shoving each other like children. Bree snaps at both of them but she's already invited George to dinner and the invitation stands. Andrew doesn't plan to be there, telling Bree she's embarrassing the family by seeing George so soon after Rex died. She threatens to withhold his swim club fees unless he shows and he reluctantly agrees. Bree tells George that she thinks she needs to spend more time with Andrew and so they should stop seeing each other. He asks about the camp Andrew was sent to -- is that maybe an option after the way Andrew treated him? Bree says that sending Andrew to camp again would only happen if he got completely out of line.
   George shows up unexpectedly at Andrew's swim meet and presents Bree with a "farewell gift" - some rare china that has her hugging him in thanks. George kisses her and Andrew is so incensed he jumps out of the pool and starts hitting him. Chalk one up for George: Andrew is next seen packing for camp.
    
5. 23 Oct 05 They Asked Me Why I Believe In You
   Bree threatens to sue the city and the police until they release Rex's body so he can be properly reburied and they agree. But then the detective who's been trying to get her to confess to poisoning Rex shows her the note that he wrote before he died, the one that says, "I understand and I forgive you." She's horrified to realize that he went to his grave thinking she murdered him. She's already invited her closest friends to a small service at his reburial because she was too grief-stricken at the first funeral, and when they show up, she marches them over to a new plot. "I don't want to spend eternity lying next to someone who thinks I'm a murderer," she huffs. Lynette tries to destress her boss, Nina, with a series of thoughtful gifts, but nothing works until she takes her out for a drink. Nina confesses it's been ages since she dated and that she's shy when it comes to meeting men. So Lynette finds a man for her! The next morning Nina's all smiles -- and wearing the same clothes she had on the night before. But now Lynette is on permanent drink buddy duty with Nina, or her job is in jeopardy. After five nights of this, she finally realizes the only way to get out of it is to become the competition. She bares some skin, throws back some shots and -- gasp -- dances on top of the bar. Nina's been thoroughly upstaged and Lynette knows she's off the hook now. Susan goes to meet with her book agent, Lonnie, but is appalled when he reveals that he's been dismissed from his firm for "moving money around." She wants to stay loyal to him and the new agency he's starting, since he's an old friend, but Mike advises her not to trust him -- adding that he has a "one strike, you're out" policy about people lying to him. She's already feeling guilty that she didn't Mike him she paid for Zach to leave town, but now she's afraid of what he'll do if he finds out. She tells Julie, who realizes she did it to protect her, but doesn't know what to advise her. Susan decides to stick with Lonnie, despite his problems, but when she realizes there actually isn't a new agency, she tells him she can't trust him anymore. She says he'll always be "her Lonnie," though and he interprets that as an opportunity to kiss her. "No," she yells. "I didn't mean it like that," and she runs out. Gabby wants to keep her new hotshot lawyer, David Bradley on the case, because she's convinced he's the only one who can get Carlos off. But Carlos is too jealous of his model good looks -- and how Gabby's smiling at him -- to agree. So she tells David to tell him he's not interested in her, which they both know is a lie. Instead, he tells Carlos he does want to sleep with Gabby - but that the only way that's not going to happen is if he stays on as their lawyer since he could be disbarred for sleeping with a client's wife. Now Gabby wants him gone but Carlos insists he stay. Betty sees on the news that they've arrested someone in Chicago for the recent murder of a Melanie Foster. She starts to write a note to the police saying they've arrested the wrong man, but Matthew stops her from sending it. She tells him that Caleb -- the man in the basement -- is not a killer. He was confused and didn't know what he was doing. Caleb is about to make a break for it, until he overhears Matthew say they won't care that he's "slow," they'll just execute him. So Caleb meekly goes back into the basement.
    
6. 6 Nov 05 I Wish I Could Forget You
   George's romancing of Bree hits a bump when she breaks out in hives whenever he tries to get more than a goodnight kiss from her. Bree's therapist suggests it's psychosomatic because she still feels married to Rex. Bree decides a change of scenery will help, so she tells George she wants to go away for a romantic weekend. But no sooner do they check into the hotel than she breaks out in hives again. At dinner, George convinces her to take some antihistamines, even though she's drinking wine, resulting in a very relaxed Bree. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, he's sitting, watching her. She asks him to wait for her and he says he'll try but the day might come when he just won't be there. Bree reconsiders and they go to bed. But as George sleeps, it's Bree sitting in the chair, clearly wondering if she's done the right thing. Lynette is horrified when her boss Nina starts making fun of her less than fashionable suits in front of the rest of the staff. She rushes out to buy something more stylish but Tom balks at the price tag on one suit in particular: $900. She promises to return it but then decides to wear it just once to an important presentation. But she doesn't realize her price tag is showing. Nina yanks it off - meaning she has to keep the suit now. To appease Tom, she buys him a set of high-end golf clubs, saying they have to indulge themselves sometimes. "I feel like a better parent already," he says as he practices his swing. At the courthouse, Gabrielle's hunky new lawyer, David, is shot at by a disgruntled stalker but when the gun ends up in his hands, the police mistakenly shoot him. She visits him in the hospital and he seems more smitten with her than ever. So much so that at the hearing the next day, he walks out and tells her it's because he's in love with her. She summons him to her house, clad only in lingerie and announces he can have her, but that she's not leaving Carlos. He insists he wants all or nothing but as she starts kissing him, he agrees to an affair. And then she declares that he can't really love her because Carlos, who really does love her, would never agree to those terms. So she orders him back on the case or she'll have him disbarred for sexual harrassment. While Susan is fitting her mother, Sophie, for her wedding dress, Sophie says she expects that Susan will wear it when she marries Mike, who's sitting in earshot. He casually says he expects Susan will select her own dress for their eventual wedding. It's the first time he's mentioned marriage and Susan is ecstatic. The next day, Paul Young shows back up unexpectedly on Wisteria Lane and Susan and her friends call the police and tell them how he confessed to Mike. But when they ask Mike about the confession and Mrs. Huber's diaries that implicated Paul, he says he doesn't know what Susan was talking about. Later he tells her as an ex-con, he can't admit to kidnapping and murder threats and the diaries implicated her in burning Edie's house, so he was only protecting her. But it also means that Paul is free -- and living right next to them again. When Paul comes over to ask about one of the flyers Mike had made up to find Zach, Susan is so scared of him she blurts out that she gave Zach money to go to Utah. Paul thinks she's lying, and says as much to Mike, who immediately confronts Susan. She's in the middle of trying on Sophie's wedding dress and all her hopes come crashing down when she has to tell him yes, she sent Zach away. She runs out into the street after him, still in the dress, and he tells her "We're done" and drives away. She collapses, sobbing, in the middle of the street and all her friends come to her aid.
    
7. 13 Nov 05 Color and Light (a.k.a. I Must Be Dreaming)
   Mike makes it clear he doesn't even want to be friends with Susan anymore after she finds the Valentine's Day card she made him among her possessions he's returned. Karl, Susan's ex-husband, shows back up on her doorstep after he breaks up with Edie. Julie's away, so the two reminisce over a bottle of wine. Karl confesses Edie dumped him after discovering a photo he still kept of Susan. Moved by this admission -- and all that wine -- Susan ends up in bed with him. As Julie discovers to her horror the next morning, when she finds them in bed together. Susan tells Karl the sex was amazing, but when he says he wants to start things up again, she firmly tells him that she wants to move forward, not backward, and a reunion with him just isn't going to happen. Edie shows up the next day to thank her for whatever she said to Karl to make him come back with flowers and an apology. When Susan seems less than thrilled about their getting back together, Edie gloats that Karl has chosen her, not Susan. Lynette and Tom are thrilled when the Harpers, a new couple in the neighborhood who also have rambunctious twin boys, agree to a playdate, since Porter and Preston have scared away all the other neighborhood children. Things go swimmingly until the video the Harper boys brought over to watch on their playdate turns out to be a sex video their parents made! When Lynette hands the video back, Mrs. Harper is so embarrassed, she breaks off all contact with the Scavos. Desperate to hang onto the only friends who can stand up to her boys, Lynette and Tom go over to the Harpers to assure them that they're very broadminded about the whole incident. But when they offer the Scavos the use of their boudoir film set, Lynette and Tom are suddenly fine with no more playdates. George surprises Bree by blindfolding her and showing her the new house he's just bought - which he hopes she'll move into with him. He then springs his mother on her, and a ring! Flustered with his mother looking on, Bree reluctantly says yes. Later, her psychiatrist, Dr. Goldfine, advises her not to marry George just to be polite, since she doesn't really love him. George insists on showing her off to "a few friends," which ends up including all his relatives, who start familiarly talking about the kids she's going to have with George now. It's the last straw for Bree, who walks out. She tells George she's having second thoughts, and that Dr. Goldfine advised her to wait. He agrees to slow things down. Instead, he simply eliminates Dr. Goldfine by catching him during his morning jog and throwing him off a bridge! Betty and Matthew are alarmed when Caleb escapes from the basement, and discreetly start looking for him around the neighborhood, which leads to Matthew asking Danielle out on a date to explain what he was doing in her backyard. Gabrielle remains ambivalent about her pregnancy -- she's been using her sonogram as a coaster -- especially when some of her old modeling pals come to town. She's hellbent on wearing her "double zero" size Dolce & Gabbana dress that's actually too tight on her now, because she doesn't want to be the suburban hausfrau her old friends had scornfully predicted she'd become. After a night with them however, she confesses to Bree that she's changed since her modeling days and seems to be warming to the idea of motherhood. Back at home, she hears a noise and runs in terror when she sees a strange man - none other than Caleb - in her house. She trips and falls down the stairs, and the stranger flees. As she's led away in an ambulance, she gazes sadly at the sonogram.
    
8. 20 Nov 05 The Sun Won't Set
   After Gabby's intruder, Wisteria Lane residents hold a neighborhood watch meeting. Mrs. McCluskey suggests they hire a private security. With Caleb still at large, Betty, a former concert pianist, starts playing and the motion about private security is never put to a vote. Lynette is troubled when she comes home at 9 p.m. to find the twins playing out in the front yard, which is now bright as daylight, thanks to Mrs. McCluskey's industrial-strength security lights. She chews Tom out for not keeping track of the boys. The next day he quizzes them on what they would do if a stranger tries to coax them into his car and the boys, who have clearly been drilled by their dad, answer that they'd run away. Lynette is unconvinced and persuades her coworker, Stu, to "kidnap" them. When Stu shows up, Tom is aghast to find that his boys are all too willing to get into a stranger's car. But the faux kidnapping is interrupted when Mrs. McCluskey runs over and zaps Stu with a Taser. Carlos is a wreck when Gabrielle visits him in prison and he's outraged that she's not more upset about losing the baby. Bree, Susan and Lynette -- who took the day off work -- come over that afternoon to spend time with Gabrielle to help cheer her up. She tells them she's too busy and she'll call them when she has a free moment. A stranger shows up at Gabrielle's house. He identifies himself as Hector, a prison pal Carlos sent to protect her. He just won't leave, and finally she decides to pay him off. On the way to the bank, he stops at a park and Gabby runs, convinced the ex-con is going to kill her. Instead, he takes a balloon out of the trunk. He tells her it's a symbol of the baby she lost and to let it go as a way to say goodbye. Although she thinks it's silly, she agrees, just to get him to leave. But she finds it's harder to let go of the balloon than she thought. Susan asks Mike if he's going to be coming to her mother's wedding and he says not anymore, since they're broken up. She apologizes again, blaming her behavior on the fact that she never knew her father, a merchant marine who was killed in Vietnam. He points out that merchant marines don't fight. At Sophie's wedding rehearsal, Susan demands some answers, since her research contradicts everything her mother ever told her. Morty's the one to tell her that her father was just a one-night stand of her mother's. Susan decides to forgive Sophie for lying to her all these years. But then at the wedding, Sophie decides to tell her the truth. Her father is a married man who was Sophie's boss at the time -- and he works across town at a supply and feed store. In tears, Susan runs out. Bree is furious with George when their engagement announcement appears in the newspaper since Rex has only been dead seven weeks. He says he just forgot to cancel the announcement and he insists she wear the engagement ring, which she has taken off because she says the stone is loose. An old girlfriend of George's reads the announcement and warns Bree that George is a "whack job." Instead of taking her advice, Bree coldly tells her to leave. George says that the old girlfriend is the crazy one, and he has the faked anti-psychotic prescriptions to prove it. Out at dinner, George starts in again about the ring. They're interrupted by an old boyfriend of Bree's, who she immediately asks to dance since George is being such a pill. George tries to force the ring onto her finger and causes such a scene Bree breaks off the engagement. Caleb reappears and is apprehended by Mike and Mrs. McCluskey. The whole street watches as he's lead away in a squad car.
    
9. 27 Nov 05 That's Good, That's Bad
   When Nina delivers another scathing critique, Lynette snaps and tells her she owes the group an apology. But her coworkers refuse to back her up. When she goes into work late, she finds the office gofer, Stu, and Nina in an amorous clinch. The next morning, an embarrassed Nina wants to find out what it'll take to keep Lynette quiet. She turns down a raise and a bigger office and just asks that Nina be nice to her. Instead, Nina removes her leverage by firing Stu, and threatening to fire Lynette too if she doesn't toe the line. Lynette calls up Stu and mentions that he can now sue the company for sexual harassment. When she shows up at work the next day, the big boss, Ed, has fired Nina and all of her team, except for Lynette, whom he's giving Nina's old job. On her way out, Nina warns her that she's just adopted a bigger baby in the demanding Ed than any she has at home. Carlos is given early parole, thanks to the work of a Catholic charity, and Gabrielle is alarmed to see that the nun behind the parole is one Sister Mary Margaret, a worrisomely attractive blonde. Suddenly Carlos is ultra religious, and seeing far too much of the pretty Sister. Gabrielle tells the nun that she and Carlos need time alone to save their marriage and Mary Margaret says that Carlos's criminal record is all Gabrielle's fault, and that she won't stop her efforts to redeem Carlos. Susan goes to see, Mr. Purdy, whom she's just learned is her father. She takes such a liking to him, she decides to apply for a job at his store to get to know him better, her plan being to tell him the truth down the road. He becomes suspicious of why such an attractive woman is so interested in him and accuses her of being hired by his wife to ensnare him. She blurts out the truth and he collapses. At the hospital, he says he's sorry, but getting to know her would jeopardize his marriage. She refuses to leave, so she's still there when his wife arrives. She lies and says she was just a customer who called 911. Before she leaves, she whispers to him that she's not giving up yet. George interrupts a dinner party Bree is hosting by serenading her loudly. When he won't leave she calmly goes upstairs and gets her rifle and shoots at his van. The next day he just "happens" to ride by her house on his bike and tells her he can't stand her thinking he's a bad person. She goes to visit Dr. Goldfine, who's in the hospital with some broken limbs but otherwise unharmed from being thrown off the bridge. He tells her his assailant rode a bike and she suddenly realizes that George is responsible. George is on his way home when he sees the police conducting a search. He calls Bree and she tells him to get help. Instead, he checks into a hotel, the same hotel where she is co-chairing a charity event. He sends her a note that he's taken a fatal dose of pills and that if she cares about him, she'll come to his room. Instead she calls the police, who inform her that in their search, they've found evidence that George poisoned Rex. In shock, Bree goes up to George's room. She finds him lying on the bed, nearly out from the pills. She says she can forgive him if he admits to what he did. He finally says whatever he did, he did for her -- because she wanted him to. And then he asks her to please call an ambulance. She smiles and tells him she already did. Instead, she just sits and waits. And then she calmly walks out of the room.
    
10. 4 Dec 05 Coming Home (a.k.a. I've Got You Under My Skin)
    Lynette is thrilled when she realizes that her company will provide for daycare. She just needs to convince her boss Ed to include his baby, Mindy, to meet the quota. The trouble is, his wife, Fran, is so devoted that she'd never allow it. Lynette meets with her to try to convince her she could use a break, but she insists that she cherishes every minute with her child. So she goes to work on Ed and soon she has him convinced that he needs more time with his daughter. After Ed practically kidnaps the baby to get her away from his wife, it's Lynette who tells her it's OK to get help and Fran finally agrees to the daycare. Addison Prudy reluctantly shows up for his "father-daughter" bonding with Susan but remains unenthusiastic about getting to know her, although he's not above calling her when he needs to be bailed out of jail. Unbeknownst to them both, his wife has been following him and assumes they're having an affair, since he still hasn't told her Susan is his daughter. She wakes to find the word "Whore" painted in huge red letters on her garage door and when Mrs. Prudy tracks her down at the supermarket and starts throwing the contents of her cart at her, Susan has no choice but to blurt out the truth. Mrs. Prudy calms down and simply tells her that her father is going to break her heart. He shows up to admit he's not proud of the way he's lived his life, but that he is proud of Susan and does want to get to know her -- after he's patched up his marriage. Sister Mary is still a fixture in Carlos's post-prison life and Gabrielle is at a loss as to how to get rid of her. When the priest tells her the nun was unable to take her annual trip to Botswana due to lack of funds, Gabrielle gladly donates the money. Except that now Sister Mary's convinced Carlos to go with her. There's nothing Gabrielle can do about it -- until she realizes at the doctor's office that the inoculations Carlos is about to get prior to his trip contain egg , which he's terribly allergic to. So she "forgets" to tell the doctor about his allergy and the resulting reaction keeps him out of commission. She apologizes to the fever-wracked Carlos, but her newfound sympathy evaporates when, in his delirium, he keeps saying Sister Mary's name! Betty and Josh sneak Caleb out of the psychiatric hospital where he's been treated as a John Doe since his arrest. But they're spotted by a mysterious goateed man named Monroe, who has tracked Caleb down to the hospital himself. Zach is back and Paul lies that he doesn't know who his real father is. He warns Mike to stay away from them both or he'll tell the police that Mike kidnapped him. Mike counter-threatens, saying that if they move away, he'll be the one to go to the police with what he knows about Paul. Bree feigns surprise when the police tell her about George's suicide. She then tells her friends and then she has to break the news to Andrew, who's back from camp. He informs her he hates her and that it's her fault Rex is dead. He tells his boyfriend, Justin, that when Bree told him he was going to hell for being gay, he knew she'd stop loving him one day, so he just stopped loving her first. And he's just waiting to get something on her so he can get back at her. Andrew says he can't get over Rex's death because his murderer died at his own hand, and Bree asks if he'd feel better if George had been executed. He says, "Of course," so she tells him how she just let George die. Andrew smiles and says, "Thank you for telling me."
     
11. 8 Jan 06 One More Kiss
    At a dinner party, Gabrielle kisses Tom when he says girls like her would never give him the time of day back in high school. Everyone laughs, except Lynette, who is most definitely not amused.
    
    Bree lets slip the details of Gabby's affair, so Lynette is even more alarmed when she finds Gabby home alone with Tom because she stopped to help him get the groceries into the house. She asks Gabby pointblank if she's hitting on Tom and when Gabby asks what she's done to deserve this mistrust, Lynette says, "It's a small town. People talk." Tom gets an ego boost from the whole thing and insists that Bree's been checking him out when he goes to get his morning paper and Lynette lovingly laughs it off.
    
    She goes over to Gabby's to apologize for overreacting, but when Gabby can't admit that she was wrong too, Lynette kisses Carlos to see how she likes it. "OK, I get your point," Gabrielle admits as she pulls them apart.
    
    Since his wife had already urged Carlos to have his own affair to help him get over hers, he swings by Lynette's to ask if she'd be interested. She politely declines, even when he tells her that was one hell of a kiss.
    
    Bree is shocked when she sees Andrew kissing his boyfriend, Justin, goodnight in front of the house. She tells him to stop seeing him, but Andrew shrugs it off -- and asks if she wants to finish off that bottle of wine she was drinking. The next morning, she brings him breakfast in bed, and nearly drops the tray when she finds Justin in bed with her son. She threatens to call the police unless Justin leaves and never comes back, and Andrew plays his trump card. If she does, then he'll tell them how she let George die.
    
    Bree marches across the street and hires Carl to get his legal advice on the situation. He informs Andrew that he has no legal recourse so Andrew says he'll simply tell Bree's friends about what she did. Carl waits until Bree is out of the room and then he slams Andrew up against a wall and tells him to respect his mother or he'll deal with him himself.
    
    Edie confronts a strange man who has been parked on the block for two hours -- Monroe, who's scoping out the Applewhite house. She thinks he's working for a competitive real estate firm and she tells him to leave.
    
    Monroe breaks into the Applewhite's house later that night and finds Caleb in the basement. But the old stairs give way and he falls to his death. When Betty and Matthew get home, they realize they have to dispose of the body, but only get as far as stuffing him in the trunk of his car -- and then Betty closes the trunk with the keys inside.
    
    Susan is surprised when she sees Zach and rushes to tell Mike, who tells her he already knows he's back, but has been told to stay away from him by Paul. Meanwhile, Paul tells Zach he's homeschooling him because certain people don't want them back. "Like Mike Delfino?" Zach asks, saying Felicia told him that Mike wanted to kill Paul and also about Mrs. Huber's murder. Paul denies both charges, asking Zach if he really thinks he's capable of murder. Zach doesn't seem too sure when he says, "No."
    
    Zach apologizes to Susan and Julie, and they decide he's changed for the better, so they come up with a plan where he and Mike can spend some time together, at the bowling alley. When Paul finds the bowling scorecard, he rushes to confront Mike about it. Seeing the two men brawling on the sidewalk, Susan, is distracted and swerves her car -- right into the car with the dead man in the trunk. Everyone gathers around as the hood pops open and they see the body.
     
12. 15 Jan 06 We're Gonna Be All Right
    Gabrielle's new gardener alerts her to a web site that has nude photos of her. Seems an old photographer boyfriend is getting even with her for dumping him. Carlos isn't thrilled about the situation, but since Gabby gave the boyfriend the photos as a gift, they're legally his. Gabby counters that he'll fold if Carlos roughs him up a little, but since Carlos has turned over a new leaf, he refuses.
    
    So her next stunt is to do her everyday yoga on the front porch -- naked! She tells Carlos since he doesn't mind men drooling over her nude body, he should be fine with this. Carlos agrees to see the photographer, but plans just to talk him into taking the photos down. It turns out the ex was just about to do that without being asked. But then he tells Carlos that it's because Gabby wasn't "Internet pretty." That does it -- Carlos sends him crashing through the window.
    
    Susan's epically bad first date with a guy ends up with both of them in the emergency room after they literally butt heads by accident, where she meets the charming and handsome Dr. Ron. But at her followup appointment, the nurse says he doesn't need to see her unless there are serious complications. So she makes up a slew of symptoms to make sure that the doctor will see her. He schedules an MRI for her, and gets a nice view of her in her underwear when she mistakenly thinks she needs to undress.
    
    When her MRI comes back normal, he shows up at her house to tell her he can't figure it out, but he'll keep trying. She admits she made up her symptoms and he's furious. He tells her he stayed up all night, poring over medical books to help her. But he's not so very mad, because he asks her out for sushi.
    
    Tom insists Lynette stay home to tend the kids when they have chicken pox, since he's never had it. He's afraid of one of the side effects that can hit grown men: sterility. Lynette says it's no big deal since they're not planning on having any more kids, but he says he wants to keep his options open, in case anything ever happens to her. That sends her into a tirade about how he shouldn't have options and that if he really loved her, he would get a vasectomy. He agrees, but then chickens out at the last minute. He tells her he already feels emasculated taking care of the kids and that he's not happy with their arrangement anymore.
    
    
    The Applewhites have become very outgoing and neighborly since the body was found in front of their house, but that doesn't satisfy Bree and her friends. Bree calls up Detective Barton, who has been quite friendly since finding out she didn't kill Rex. Over lunch at a nice restaurant, he's disappointed to learn that she just wanted to ask him to run a background check on the Applewhites and that this isn't a date. He turns spiteful, insisting that she shouldn't drive after three glasses of wine and one glass of port. She refuses, so he follows her and then pulls her over for drunk driving. When she accuses him of being petty, he arrests her.
    
    With her car impounded, and no money, she has no way home, and she's too proud to call her friends, so she decides to walk. Betty sees her and offers her a lift. She explains her predicament after Betty says she can keep a secret. But when Betty isn't quick enough to reassure her that it must have all been a mistake, Bree lashes into her, saying Betty apparently has plenty of secrets to keep: moving in the middle of the night, the mysterious noises -- and the body.
    
    When she gets home, Bree has a message from Det. Barton. He feels terrible about how he acted and he's left her information about the dead man.
     
13. 22 Jan 06 There's Something About a War
    Susan wonders why Dr. Ron hasn't made a move after three dates and he tells her it wouldn't be ethical while he's her doctor. She needs a spleenectomy and she gets nervous when she hears it'll be his first time performing the procedure. She tells him over dinner that she wants a different doctor. He gets mad and storms out, so she waits for him at the hospital to tell him she's done jumping through hoops to keep a guy. But he tells her she missed a delivery of flowers and champagne -- his apology. He says he doesn't want to lose her and that it's better anyway if he's not her doctor anymore.
    
    Sister Mary has returned and Carlos confides that he's upset that Gabrielle still refuses to have children. So the nun tells him he can get an annulment. The next time the baby issue comes up, Carlos shows her the pamphlet on annulment. She knows the nun is behind it, so Gabrielle tells Father Crowley that Sister Mary is trying to break up her marriage. When he asks if she's sure that the Sister and Carlos have been sleeping together, she lies and says "Yes." The Father arranges for Sister Mary to be transferred to Alaska. Carlos is furious when he hears about it, but Gabrielle says she should be mad at him, not Sister Mary. She says he needs to choose between her and having a baby and he chooses her. And then she smiles and tells him she does want to have a baby with him.
    
    When Tom finds out Lynette's firm needs to hire a new ad exec, he tells her he wants the job. She says them working together would be a bad idea. So he shows up for a job interview as "Tom Cavos" and she pulls him aside to ask what he thinks he's doing. He says that a little part of him has been hating her since she got his promotion revoked at his old job and that she owes him a shot at least. Her boss, Ed, loves him and offers him the job on the spot. That night, Lynette says she told Ed the truth and he still wants to hire him. But she says first he needs to never mention the promotion thing again -- and she needs him to forgive her. He tells her he already had.
    
    Matthew insists that Caleb be allowed to live in an upstairs bedroom and not continue to be kept chained in the basement. Betty doesn't like the idea, but she agrees, as long as the windows stay covered up.
    
    Bree catches Matthew hiding under Danielle's bed -- she'd interrupted their makeout session -- and promptly marches them both over to Betty's. Betty slaps her son and insists there won't be a problem because they're moving.
    
    Danielle is inconsolable so Bree suggests to Betty that they chaperone the two kids instead of forbidding them to see each other. But as she's talking to Betty, she sees Caleb peeking out of the upstairs window. Bree hastily excuses herself. She combs through old newspapers and confirms that the man she saw is the same one who was arrested for breaking into Gabrielle's house. She calls all her friends, leaving a message that she's found out something big about the Applewhites and she'll tell them more at tonight's poker game. Gabrielle overhears and sends a note to Matthew. She tells him it's OK he has a secret, because her family has a big one too. And she proceeds to tell him about Andrew running down Mrs. Solis.
    
    It's just about time for the poker game and Bree is surprised to find Betty at her front door. She tells her it's not a good time, but Betty insists they talk now. She explains that if Bree says anything about him to anyone, Betty will expose the truth about Andrew's hit-and-run. So when everyone else shows up, Bree has no choice but to lie and say her "big news" about the Applewhites is that Betty is a great poker player and that she's now joining their weekly game.
     
14. 12 Feb 06 Silly People
    Bree suspicions of her neighbor Maxine Water's too-perfect luncheons are confirmed when the FBI raid the house in the middle of dessert -- all Maxine's cooking was done by the Chinese girl she was keeping as a slave!
    
    Carlos offers to let the girl, Xiao Mei, stay with him and Gabrielle. Gabby objects, until she tastes her exquisite cooking and sees how perfectly she can sew. Now she refuses to give her up. Carlos complains that she's just treating her like a maid, but when it comes time to leave, Xiao Mei refuses, saying she now thinks of them as family.
    
    Tom asks Lynette to intervene for him after their boss Ed vetoes all of his ad pitches, but Lynette says he has to find a way to click with Ed on his own. When Ed finds out that Tom was in a fraternity, Tom thinks he has his in. But then Ed starts a series of ever more humiliating dares, like daring Tom to eat a donut out of the toilet. Lynette begs him not to, but he tells her he has no choice if he's going to make it at the company.
    
    He's then stuck with Ed calling him "Toilet Boy." Lynette asks Ed to stop but he tells her it's his company and he's just having fun. So she challenges him: give her a dare and if she pulls it off, then he has to stop all the games. He offers up a plate of their client's raw bacon; she has to eat a pound of it to win the bet. As she gamely eats it, slice by slice, with all of their coworkers looking on, the mood in the office changes and Ed realizes that it's not fun anymore. Lynette has won.
    
    Susan has a wandering spleen and no insurance since her former agent let her policy lapse. So Edie suggests she marry someone for their insurance. She even finds her a fake husband, Gary, a gay man who wants to get married to make his mother happy. When Susan shows up for the wedding, Gary's partner, Steven, isn't at all happy about the arranged marriage and leaves. Gary decides he can't go through with it after all and walks out too. Susan tells Karl what happened and he offers to marry her, again, to make up for walking out on their first marriage. She says, "What the hell?" As long as Edie never knows.
    
    Felicia, who is acting as nurse to the dying Noah Taylor, hands him an anonymous note that reads "You have a grandchild." He summons Mike, who tells him the truth about Zach, but that it won't be easy to bring him over for a visit. Noah gives him two days to make it happen.
    
    Susan and Edie demand to know why Bree has suddenly flip-flopped on Betty Applewhite: is it because Danielle and Matthew are dating? Bree tells them she knows what she's doing and they have to trust her and back off. She just happens to have a key to the Applewhites' house from the previous tenant, so she pays Caleb a little visit, and learns about Melanie Foster. When Betty shows up, furious over her visit, Bree invites her in for a drink. And, oddly enough, the two end up commiserating over their wayward sons
     
15. 19 Feb 06 Thank You So Much
    Everything is set for Susan and Karl's remarriage of convenience, except for a ring. Karl wants her to use the one he originally gave her, since it was a family heirloom, but she admits she threw it out her car window the night he left her for another woman. So he takes her back to the scene of the crime and makes her hunt for it with a metal detector.
    
    Edie comes across the ring in Karl's briefcase, right next to a prenup, so, since it's Valentine's Day, she assumes he's going to pop the question that night at dinner. Edie and Karl and Susan and Dr. Ron both happen to be dining at the same restaurant, so Edie takes Susan aside and brags that Karl's about to propose. When Susan gently tries to explain everything away -- maybe Karl was just having the ring cleaned and the prenup's for a client? -- Edie accuses her of being jealous.
    
    Susan tries to send Karl a note but the waiter delivers it to the wrong table and she can only watch while Edie waits for a proposal that never comes. Susan later tells Karl that Edie saw the ring and that they have to cancel the wedding because it will be hurting Edie. Karl decides to propose anyway -- by the time he and Edie will be married, he and Susan can get their second divorce. Susan is surprised but when Karl asks her if she's jealous, she tearfully says no.
    
    Mike warns Paul that Noah Taylor is determined to meet Zach and that neither of them want that, so he advises them to leave town. But Zach overhears, confirming his suspicions that Mike is his real father.
    
    Gabrielle is less than pleased when her flirtatious mother, Lucia, shows up unannounced. Since Gabrielle's just found out that her accident means it will be nearly impossible for her to have children, and Carlos refuses to consider adoption, Lucia makes a surprising offer: She'll be their surrogate mother. Carlos doesn't know why Gabrielle won't even consider the idea and is indignant when she drops her mother off at the nearest hotel. She admits that she and her mother have never talked about how her stepfather abused Gabrielle when she was 15. Carlos decides to set things right between mother and daughter, but is shocked when Lucia claims that her daughter did the seducing. Carlos goes back to Gabrielle and tells her he's open to adopting after all, because "blood isn't everything."
    
    At the Italian restaurant she and Rex used to go to, Bree sits alone, crying into her umpteenth glass of wine. The waiter calls her a cab and when she arrives home, she collapses on the front lawn. Mrs. McCluskey finds her in the morning and rings the bell. Andrew, delighted to be one-up on his mom again, wakes her by turning on the sprinklers. Bree tries to tell Andrew and Danielle she merely had a bad reaction between the wine and the antihistamines she's taking for her allergies, but they don't believe her.
    
    Tom and Lynette are both called into work on a Saturday, so, without Lynette's knowledge, Tom calls Mrs. McCluskey to babysit. Lynette decides she's too old to make a good babysitter. Instead, she dumps the twins and the baby on Bree, who's still nursing one hell of a hangover.
    
    To cope with the boys' noise, Bree breaks out the wine. Soon, she's passed out on the couch and Porter and Preston take the opportunity to put Penny in her stroller and go for a walk. Bree wakes up and frantically starts searching for her missing charges, asking Mrs. McCluskey if she's seen them.
    
    The kids turn up at a beauty parlor -- three miles away. When the boys say that Bree was asleep, Lynette assumes they're lying and Bree doesn't contradict them. But when Mrs. McCluskey tells her the truth, Lynette confronts Bree and tells her she has a problem. Bree still denies it -- until she sees that Lynette has lined up all her empty wine bottles on her doorstep, with a note reading "Do you still think you don't have a problem?"